feeling broken and helpless after break up

[flickerish]

Hello everyone,
I don’t know where to start. My boyfriend has just broken up with me 3d time. We dated for almost 2 years. And things were beautiful, long talks, sharing future dreams, amazing sex….
But the problem is he is of different ethnicity and his parents will never accept me as I’m not their typical choice.
He broke up with 1st time (for this reason) and when we met for the first time after that we couldn’t fight the attraction. Same happened the second time. After reuniting with him we dated for almost a year.
This year was a very difficult one, I was making ugly scenes feeling as dirty secret no one should know about. He kept on hurting me by making some hurtful comments…
A week ago his mom had a nervous breakdown when she found out we were dating. And he did it again. He left me on my birthday. We had a huge argument and things got physical, he squeezed my arms so much I have bruises now.
There was a lot of staff mid our breakups – me having a shot at new relationships, a new boyfriend and hugely failing at that. I have big financial difficulties, mortgage, etc. My father got diagnosed with cancer this summer. He – having a jealousy fit…
I understand this guy is toxic for me and I am toxic for him. I understand we don’t have a future together. But the thought of him with new girlfriend.. When I start to think about it all I want to do is to cut my heart out of the chest, just no to feel pain anymore.
I don’t know if this love or addiction, probably both, I just don’t know what to do…. I’m trying to meet new people, to busy myself with dancing and gym training…
And this leads to another problem:
We both dance salsa. And since salsa/kizomba community is quite small in my city, seeing him is inevitable. I tried to quit dancing but it is the main thing that makes me a little happier.
He doesn’t want to quit for the same reason.

I’m losing myself. I’m afraid for myself. I cannot afford myself to think about suicide – it will destroy my parents but I’m close to the point where I prefer to drink/medicate myself to numbness.

[jhonche1]

nothing in the world happens just so it happen , sometimes things get closed in front of you, so other better things be opened , what sucks about it , we cant know when it is going to happen , i know what you mean by seeing him with another girl , but if he really loved you he wont leave you for any reason in the world , you need to resist this addiction to him and stand and face all difficulties of yours no matter how hard they are , don't ever think of ending things up because its seems dark now , if you want to see the "light" again you need to make it happen , by moving on , accepting that if you stay with him you will always be desperate and sad .

life some times testing you without you knowing that , and its sucks i know because we will go through a lot of difficulties till we see good things coming , but guess what sometimes its worth it , because you have no idea what after 5 sec from now is going to happen , how can you know after 2 months from now what is going to happen?

think about it like that , you'r dad is going to beat cancer , you are going to fix every financial issues you have now , and when the time comes you will meet the perfect person of yours .

most important thing , DONT GIVE UP , FIGHT it no matter how much hard it could be , sometimes its worth it .

best wishes for your dad and you.