Rebound + Love Triangle Situation... Secretly Friends but what now...

[Gavin]

I really want my ex girlfriend back... but she is now involved in a rebound relationship and they clearly like each other a lot - what can I do??

Here is the history....

1. After a bad patch me and my ex break up... I try too hard to stop this and make it worse... time out is certainly needed.
2. Soon after she turns to a guy that she met just before me and who she rejected for me... he has now left his long term relationship after giving it another go and they both need a shoulder to cry on as friends.
3. We speak and she assures me that it is 100% plutonic between them... with no chemistary at all. Apparently they even got drunk together and nothing happened - we arrange to meet up she is really positive with me.
4. Something happens between them... our meeting is cancelled - she doesn't respond to calls or texts....
5. 2 weeks later she contacts me... she doesn't appear 100% happy with him and hasn't been out anywhere for the past few weeks... he apparently has said that he will treat her like a princess but she says it is early days... we both make sad attempts at making each other jealous... it all ends with her saying speak soon and leaving lots of kisses.
6. I contact her just over a week later... they have been out jogging together and she is on edge because he is around the corner from her... it is a weird convo and there are pauses... just plain awkward - I feel maybe it is now lost forever between us as she says it is going well with him and seems to all be good... At this time I think he asks her to stop being friends with me and to drop all contact.

This takes us to now... or rather yesterday. I just felt the need to call and to talk with her... I miss her a lot and I still want her in my life, I don't want to lose contact with her forever - we had a very deep connection with each other and were perfectly matched in all but distance... she isn't like my other ex girlfriends.

I call her about 08:30 which is early but from the past I knew that this time would be a good sort of time to call... what happens is her new boyfriend wants to pick the phone up as he goes into a jealous rage about me calling.... she stops this and I leave a voicemail asking her to call me back. She is curious to know what I want and he then accuses her of wanting to get back with me - he doesn't look very good at this time... it pushes her towards me and away from him and shows that he considers me a great threat and that he is insecure. She does excuse his behaviour but I have def sown a seed as they say albeit not intended.

I find this all out when she calls back... she is curious to know what I want and seems very positive with me on the phone... we talk and I say that I just feel things have got awkward between us and that we have such a great connection and we get on sooo well that we should be friends... she doesn't stay friends with ex's and nether do I but I say it feels right and she completely agrees with all of this. We then discuss how were going to contact each other as her ex gets jealous and doesn't want us to be friends.

Therefore behind his back we are going to email each other, I say what about once a week and she is like no whenever... it is positive again as in that we can all the time etc. I also discuss with her at which times it is fine to phone... there aren't really any good times to call as he works strange hours and could be with her at any time - I say what about you call me as of when you want and she says yeah ok and again it is all positive.

There are occasions during the convo that it seems she is trying to make me jealous... it might just seem this way but the conversation is really positive in general etc... I just get the feeling talking to her that she still likes me too and that its all there still between us.

The conversation ends and I say I will email in a few days time and we joke around - all positive from her apart from the times she brings him up and she clearly likes him a lot as he does like her (getting jealous) - this is quite a love triangle now.

Now what do I do... it's a rebound relationship (both sides) and there not meant to last but they clearly like each other a lot and so it might well do. Now while that is going on she also clearly still has feelings for me and the connection is still there. I think it is clear we both want each other in our lives because it is unfinished business and because we want the option for a second chance in the future.... remember that neither of us stay friends with our ex's and I know that she stops contact with all her past ones before me.

She never kept him a secret behind my back when we started dating.... she cut all contact and I was choosen over him plus she has already been back once before so it can't all be perfect at there end...

I need to keep her thinking about me all the time... so she weighs up who is better for her I guess - the emails are a chance to keep contact and to manipulate any feelings she has for me I suppose but I am no expert - I should be just myself but sometimes stupid games get played.

I know people will say leave them to it and just move on but listen to me here... it is easy to say that when your just looking in and haven't had the feelings or the memories together - some things are worth fighting for and worth waiting for... I am just not sure where the line is... i dnt want to lose her friendship so rowing is certainly not good - do I go in confident like I can get her back when I want... play it cool... do the sweet friend thing only...

I just need some advice really.... I do want to wait and see what happens with them and want to keep the friendship that I have gained but I also want it to grow into more again someday if possible.

What advice would you give to me in dealing with this?

Gavin

[VincenzoG91]

The good news is that her rebound relationship seems doomed. She probably shouldn't have started dating again so soon, and now the new guy is getting paranoid about you. They probably won't last another month together.

The bad news is that she probably won't get back together with you, either. Or if she does, you two will still break up again, because the underlying problems haven't been solved, and not enough time has passed for either of you to change.

[Lite]

If you're willing to interfere with her relationship with someone else, and she's willing to talk to you surreptitiously it sounds like you two are made for each other. In fact, the two of you should get back together and never date anyone else ever again. Why? Because they're too good for you.

You don't respect her relationship, she doesn't respect her relationship. What a great thing to have in common. I say go for it.

Just understand that you'd be re-starting your relationship under morally questionable circumstances and that this will affect how you treat each other and relationships with other people going forward.

[kitkitkitty]

'I really want my ex girlfriend back... but she is now involved in a rebound relationship and they clearly like each other a lot - what can I do??'
heard of the saying 'live and let live'?

[Gavin]

If you're willing to interfere with her relationship with someone else, and she's willing to talk to you surreptitiously it sounds like you two are made for each other. In fact, the two of you should get back together and never date anyone else ever again. Why? Because they're too good for you.

You don't respect her relationship, she doesn't respect her relationship. What a great thing to have in common. I say go for it.

Just understand that you'd be re-starting your relationship under morally questionable circumstances and that this will affect how you treat each other and relationships with other people going forward.

I didn't know he would be there or that he would be so insecure and threatened by me.... that isn't really fair plus I want her in my life - if I can't have her back then I can accept friends as long as she is happy and as long as no attempts to make me jealous or mind games are used by her.

Also... please remember that while it was all quite positive yesterday - when I start emailing she may have had a change of heart because she will have no doubt have spoken with him since... this would mean zero replies This is possible.... it all depends on what has been said between them I guess but I know my ex and she hates being controlled and if this was the case it would slowly push her away from him....

We have a deep connection with each other - hard to explain really but I bet they don't have that!

Hate been looked upon as the bad guy!