The Break up - women are strange

[Schakilla's Man]

Hi all

I've been with my gf for approx. 3yrs now. 2 of which was handled via long distance, this is due to me being at university right now. We've held it together during that time pretty ok. We've had many fallouts, ups and downs, all of which seemed pretty normal for any relationship. We really do love each other, and this has been displayed in almost everything we've done for each other.

About 4 weeks ago, we were talking, and we had an argument. I don't clearly remember the details about the argument, but it had to do with her attitude as relates to me, when i'm trying to be there for her. She can be a total bitch, and very unappreciative, especially when anyone is trying to show her love and care. Anyways, I ended up telling her that I really love her, but she has to stop that attitude and then i told her goodnight. Shortly after she sent me this message:

"i'm not into this relationship the way i used to be anymore... and i don't think that it is fair to waste ure time and my time by tryin to force what is no longer there... i won't be coming to visit you because i don't see that as the best move to make... i would apologize to ure parents if u wish...i no longer wish to continue in this relationship as of now... it is not that i don't love u.... i do and we would probably be perfect for each other in a different time but right now its not right... and it just doesnt fit anymore.... i love u and i hope that someday after all this we can be friends."

Now to me, this doesn't fit, because 2wks before this, she got her own place, and all she could talk about is how much funny we'd have when i come visit in the summer. Also, in the past, i've always been the one keeping this together in terms of motivating her to push on with the relationship. But when I returned to School after my december visit, I was the one that needed the motivating. She was always there reminding me of why we're doing this.

Added to this, she came and visited me for 2wks (she left friday). She's still saying that she wants to break, but I don't know. What she's saying, and what she's doing doesn't match. What makes things even more funny, is the fact that we slept together while she was here, we went out and did everything couples did. She has been doing many things subconsciously, that lets me know that this can't be real. The greatest thing she did that told me that this isn't making sense is while working at my laptop near the bed, she, during her sleep, came over and put her arms around me. She was sleeping the whole time....

So I dunno. When I confronted her about it again while she was here, she said she didn't feel appreciated. That for itself didn't make any sense to me. Without even giving my point of view, people who don't even know me, but has seen us together etc, has come to her and told her "that boy really loves and appreciates you." That has happened on numerous occasions. Added to that, i'm always doing something nice. It may not be something extravagant, but it still shows that I Love You.

Anyways guys...I think i've typed alot already...time to hear what you think...

[xxazurexx]

I reckon she is just tired of the distance between you and she can't do long distance anymore.

OR

Either that, or some other guy has entered the picture.

OR

She was looking for a way out.

People can also check out of a relationship, long before they end it and a lot feel guilty for ending it just like that. Sometimes they give off signs that they are not happy, (which leads us to think a breakup is on the cards), then there are others who will act perfectly normal and give off no clue that they are unhappy. Which is why some people are left baffled as to why the other suddenly left and especially when things had seemed ok.
Rather than just end it, they will await an opportunity to end it.
And you gave her that opportunity to end it, after yet another argument.
It then appears it was your fault it ended.

[xxazurexx]

And when we say we don't feel appreciated, it tends to mean that a guy is taking us for granted. We don't feel NO.1 in his life anymore and he is being unattentive.

[Schakilla's Man]

ok Thanks.I wouldn't lie. It's really tough. I invested everything into her. Everything I ever planned, evreyone I ever had close to me, I gave it all up for her. Now she's gone....and I have nothing...It really does suck...

I don't know where what my life is right about now...seriously...do you think that i should give her space and then give it another try sometime in the future? next yr..2yr whatever?

[Schakilla's Man]

o and btw...it really hurts cuz...if she had said that it was just the distance, I would've understood. But for her to say that I don't appreciate her....man....that's worst than having some kung fu guy beat the shit out of me...

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, try your best not to rationalize it and say that this doesn't make sense. You aren't accepting that this is what she wanted. If you start trying to make sense of it, it's going to lead you to try and pursue her, and this is the worst possible time for that. Don't do that, it's going to push her further away.

At the same time, she's trying to do the coupley things after she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship because she is keeping her options open. She's keeping you around for her own comfort while also looking. It's hard to ween yourself off of a relationship of three years just like that, and she is making it a gradual transition. Don't be sucked into this because if she had somebody else, she wouldn't be doing this with you.

You have to put your foot down here and have her face the music. I know it's scary because you don't want to lose her for good. But you are losing her right now. Don't be a cushion and don't hold her hand through this break up because that is exactly what you are doing. You are helping her get over you by being there for her while she is looking elsewhere. It's going to leave you more hurt in the end.

[Schakilla's Man]

@cmacattack1...Thanks I never saw it that way...What i've been trying to do is keep to my promises...I told her no matter what the situation, I'd always be there for her. So I guess, cutting off all communication is in order then...sigh...this shit is just too hard man...

[Kbaby]

I feel ur pain..my fiance and I broke up..and I was the same way as u are..I put everything into him..I was the one that put fourth all the effort, yet still never really received anything back. So cut off all communication...no phone, email, facebook, myspace, messengers..block and delete...and if she really wants you make her put fourth the effort..but dont beat yourself up over it, and dont try to figure things out. Because only she knows the answers. It will be a lot less painful if you just keep yourself busy with school and friends and whatever else..thats what Im doing. Good luck and God Bless

[cmacattack1]

I know man, it's not easy. It's hard. You are protecting all the time and energy you spent in this, your investment. Losing her is like losing a part of you, like a hand or a foot. Your focus is on how to get her back, when to try, and so on. We all do this but it's wrong. We are incredibly emotional and we are more than likely going to make mistakes and push them away further. The most important thing to do right now is focus on you. Concentrate on you. Finding yourself and what makes you happy, and learning to do those things over again without her. It's good to take a look back and see what things you did wrong so you can learn from those mistakes. Go out with your friends, get involved in the gym to get in shape or classes to help you improve yourself for a better job or career for example. Work on yourself. Alot of the time when we are in a relationship, we kind of stagnate on being an individual because we are focusing on that other person. Now it's time to work on you.

She's going to be on your mind all the time, I know this. You have to really dig your heels in do your best to not cave in to loneliness and desperation. When she talks to you next, you have to let her know that this arrangement isn't going to work for you. You need to be on your own right now and she needs to respect that.

[Schakilla's Man]

thanks guys...as stupid as this may sound....you guys seem to be the only "friends" i have right now....yea...i gave that up for her too

[Schakilla's Man]

um....i'm thinking by doing this i'd be letting her decide if she indeed really wants this...maybe she'd think back and think that what she did was wrong.... right?

[cmacattack1]

She's going to be emotional and she is going to be going back and forth on her decisions. She is already with the nice time you guys had together after she told you she wanted to break up. This is not a trick to try and get her back, this is to really focus on you. There shouldn't be terms of you and her anymore. This is about you. This is about your best interest. This is about standing on your own two feet again.

I mean, you are going to do what you want to. Experience is really the best teacher. As a neutral party that sees and reads these kind of stories all the time, I'm just trying to help you with the best possible solution.

[xxazurexx]

ok Thanks.I wouldn't lie. It's really tough. I invested everything into her. Everything I ever planned, evreyone I ever had close to me, I gave it all up for her. Now she's gone....and I have nothing...It really does suck...

I don't know where what my life is right about now...seriously...do you think that i should give her space and then give it another try sometime in the future? next yr..2yr whatever?

Give her space and plenty of it.

True say that sometimes people don't know what they had, until it's gone.

She may be back sooner than you think

[Schakilla's Man]

Thanks you guys...sigh...Thank You so much...today begins the journey...