Love=Insanity

[chrisnick]

hahahaha oh man this sucks, i just typed a huuuuuuuuuuuge post, and it got deleted..... damnit.

um, okay basically my girlfriend keeps getting upset with me when i do the random things i do without thinking. we're very respectful of each other, and have been together for about 13 months now.

oh this sucks, i wrote soooo much.

oy.

well we basically broke up the weekend after thanksgiving, but then that night we talked and after i said something seemingly unimportant, she magically was okay again. so the next weekend, after hanging out with friends, we scramble back to my room and make love for the first time. this had been a big climb in our relationship, before we had only been intimate in non-penatrative sexual activities (oral, etc). um, this is random for me because well...nothing felt different for me, while she was seemingly telling me "i cant believe i doubted you all this time"

over the past 10 months we had been in a very subtle argument over something that she holds as THE most important thign in her life. "It's not my opinion, it's just the way things are..."

so phrases like "get it" and "maybe youre just too logical to let go" have come up in our adventures.

has anyone else been in this kind of situation before?

oh um, lemmie describe her. She's a wonderfully beautiful 22 year old with a bachelor's degree in psychology. she loves old nickelodeon tv shows like are you afraid of the dark and fraggle rock, she loves green day, showtunes, 80's music, dance music, and raves. REAL raves, hehe, like camping out in the woods secret society stuff. it's very cool. we both drink, smoke weed, and have done mushrooms together. after the second time on mushrooms, she spent almost an hour and a half trying to show me why time is bad (subjective time). well, um, it didnt make any sense, but there is something about her that makes me trust her and know that she is right about all this. she lives very moment to moment, for example, sometimes when we're in the heat of a very harsh argument, she can laugh at something else, because it's not the subject of the argument, and not related to that part of her life at all (ie, the dog). she's a very strong willed person, and can win any argument. she likes stuffed animals and LOVEs pink and other pretty things. gah, i could go on forever.... i guess one main problem is that she thinks i dont contribute anything to the relationship. In her words: "I give and give and I dont get anything back" Well, um, I am the type of person to give, but i dont know what i CAN give. Whenever we discuss this, she ends up saying she cant TELL me what to do for her.

help?

::copies just incase::

[vashti]

I have no idea what you are asking, but if you two are drinking and smoking together, this could be why she seems so smart to you. If she feels you don't contribute anything to the relationship, ask her what it is she wants, and don't let her get away with being vague in her answers.

[chrisnick]

I have no idea what you are asking, but if you two are drinking and smoking together, this could be why she seems so smart to you. If she feels you don't contribute anything to the relationship, ask her what it is she wants, and don't let her get away with being vague in her answers.

well i mean we began the smoking and drinking like 6 months into our relationship, and it's only once in a while that we do these things either way.

and yeah, i'm sorry everything is disjointed, it's kinda a reflection of the fact that i have no idea as to what the problem is/what i'm asking either...

[funsounds]

to be honest, she sounds crazy. you know, people say psych majors are the ones that need treatment the most...and for good reason. most of the psych majors i've met have deeper issues than most other people i have met.

you don't contribute to the relationship? you know...if you ask and intent to follow through, she should be mature enough to say what it is she wants or expects from you in the relationship. that's bottom line right there.

as for her getting upset at you for doing random things withouth thinking...are they things that warrant getting upset over? if so...be more self-aware of what you're about to do...think a little more. if they are things that you don't think warrant getting upset over...ask her about it, try to find out why it upsets her.

as for your subtle argument...you know, we all have things that we won't bend on. there are things that couples don't see eye to eye on...and it may be something that's very important to one member of the relationship. but you gotta figure it out for yourselves...i mean, is it deal breaker? or is it something where you guys can live contently in disagreement?

i don't know what else to say...

[chrisnick]

heh, well we're both psych majors and we're probably both nuts, but that's one of the things we like so much about each other (yesterday we were in a store and were arguing about 40% off something that's 30 dollars. we both realized at the same time that she was saying the amount of money that would be taken OFF, while i was saying the amount it would cost after the discount, so we both just started cracking up)

oh and yeah, most of the time the random things i do are just stupid things (usually jokes) that i dont think through all the way, so they end up just sounding stupid or eh, "empty" i guess. most of the time i'll forget something and she'll be upset about that

oh but the one that hurts the most
"I dont understand why you're upset..."
"That's okay, I wouldnt expect you to understand"

i guess the subtle argument thing is kinda hard to explain. It's something that she realized one day about life and well..."everything." So it's not something that i disagree with her about, but just something that i want to understand as well, but it's like teaching a dog calculus...the way she tries to explain it is too complex or just impossible to put into words. The only things i've wrung out of her are things like "well it's kinda like black and white"

hell, it's more a discussion for philosophy than anything else, but it just sounds crazy when you try to put it into words (as i probably just proved)

I guess it's hard to explain to other people because i have no idea what i'm explaining to begin with.

[funsounds]

hmm...

well...the, "That's okay, I wouldn't expect you to understand" thing is slightly belittling. And that thing you said before about her saying you don't contribute anything to the relationship...and not expounding upon it...that's no good either. Those sound like issues. And you need to approach her and ask her to help you understand...help you to understand why your little jokes upset her...and help you to undestand what she wants you to contribute, what she expects from a partner in a relationship.

It takes two...and if she's not willing to cooperate, then she really needs to mature and grow up...

Other than that...the way I'm interpreting your post, it sounds like you have normal small arguments that aren't really damaging.