What's the big deal about an age difference?

[Jeblina]

IS there really a big deal? Obviously, if one of the people is under 18, and the other is much older, then yes, it's a big deal.

But assume that both people are over 18....in this case, one person is 21, and the other 34. The 21 year old is a single parent, looking for a more lasting relationship without "games" or drama. The 34 year old is, presumably, the more mature, readier-to-settle-down type. Both people are attracted to one another. Is the age difference too great? Should a person wonder about the motives of BOTH these people? Or is an age difference an afterthought?

[Late_vamp]

yes there IS a big deal , but in this case , its not THAT bad , altho i find 21 to be a bit too young for a 34 y old . maybe if you were about 25-27 , then it would be alright ... i still think you got some growing up to do . meaning getting some more experience in life than to be with someone who has had 13y of more experience than you .

[funsounds]

as long as it isn't a big deal for the two adults in question, it's not a big deal at all...

[vashti]

I think 21 is too young to settle down, whether or not that 21 year old is a parent. (Unless you are talking about the father of the child.) People do a HUGE amount of growing up throughout their 20s, and what strikes you as a good idea at 21 will likely not strike you as a good idea when you are 30.

And yes, I would wonder why a 34 year old man would rather date a 21 year old single parent than a girl with no baggage.

Sorry.

[Late_vamp]

maybe because he gets to have a younger girl , yes it more baggage but what 20 something y old guy would put up with a girl that has a kid , even if she is 21 and (may or may not be beatiful), if there is love then its great , if not i just think this guy is just looking to having all the advantages of this situation ... lets see

-young girl
-he knows the young girl cant complain to much or he;ll leave meaning he has more "power" to do things and she will tolerate it
-less good financially so that means she depends more on him
-maybe he cant get a girl pregnant .

sorry for being a bit harsh , i just want you to get the picture and im kind of direct and realistic .

[Junket]

You're 21?

[Jeblina]

Yes, I am 21.....

Yes, I am a single mom....and the other guy is the 34 year old. A little more info: he's been married and has an ex wife and an 8 year old son who live in California...he loves kids....and has been out of a long term relationship for about 2 or 3 months now.

I have been told by numerous people that I come off much more mature than my years. Most people, when they meet me, think that I'm 24 or 25. I am looking for a more steady relationship...not specifically looking for a marriage proposal right now, but I want to be in a relationship with someone who is over playing games, and knows how to treat a woman well.

I guess I haven't thought much about his age yet because it's been a non-issue for me...I'm attracted to the guy...and he seems interested in me. I'm just curious to see what others think of the situation.

[vashti]

Well, good luck then. But I have to say the whole "step" situation sucks for most people. That is why 2nd marriages have a higher failure rate than 1st time marriages. I would prepare yourself for many years of being the villain to his little boy should things work out, and it makes sense that he would date a young girl now. He probably needs someone to relieve him of some of the responsibility of dealing with his son, and is trying to re-create his broken family unit. Be REALLY careful, and do yourself a favor and get the ex-wife's story straight from her mouth before you get in too deep.

There is no way he is over his ex yet, by the way. I doubt he could even be divorced after such a short amount of time. You would probably be the rebound girl.

[Late_vamp]

ohh , now you changed the whole situation , he also has baggage and lots of it . but dont you think that 2-3 months of being out of a long-term relationship is a bit too soon for someone else to be in his life . thats you .

i think he's not completely over the recent past relationship no matter what he says , deep down im pretty sure he;s not over it all whatever it might be .
i just hope he's serious about YOUR relationship with him .

[Jeblina]

Like I said, I'm not looking for a proposal right now....things are all in the very beginning stages with him right now. Yes, he does have a lot of baggage as well (maybe this is the reason that I don't feel horribly intimidated by MY situation around him )...I don't know much yet about the whole ex-wife and son situation....I know he hates being without him son....blah blah blah.

I appreciate everyone's opinion in this matter....it gives me some things to think about.

[Chlorine]

Jeblina----" The 34 year old is, presumably, the more mature, readier-to-settle-down type."

This assumption is flawed. Some 34yr olds are mature and sensible. Very grounded and settled. Than there are the others.....:-( Still playing the field, still very immature, still not knowing what they want and busying stringing the girl along.

Age is just a number.