booty call or something more?

[Bo]

it's late and i should really be catchin up on my reading but i can't until i get this off my mind somehow. So the situation with the guy i've been seeing for about 3 months now is getting kind of complicated. As mentioned before, he's leaving in about 2 months now to go back to a university and a couple days ago he sent me a text saying "come over ASAP, i'm home". So i go over there and he starts to talk about us. Just to put it all out there, he says that we should cool off because our 'relationship'(i didn't know we were in one) is getting to be too much. We went into this both agreeing it would be a casual dating type deal but he feels like our relationship is changing because it's not so casual anymore.
Example: he says it's become routine, everyday he wakes up and goes to work/class, studies, goes to the gym and then texts me and wonders when he's going to see me

He says he doesn't want to prolong this; that he doesn't want to get hurt and he doesn't want me to get hurt either. He told me he cared about me...THEN he tells me that he bought a pregnancy test even though i'm on the pill because the idea of me being pregnant completely scares him. Frankly, this really pissed me off. I took the test, and i'm not. I basically said that it was fine if that's what he wants but two more months doesn't make a difference to me. I asked him if it was getting to be too hard for him because he's starting to get feelings for me and he said 'i guess you could say that, yeah'.

Fast forward to today
I meet up with him at his place for a bit this morning and we sat on the couch talking for a while. Well a couple days before, we agreed that we should try to stop being physically intimate. Well he seemed to be getting a little tense and i could tell, then he says he doesn't trust himself in private with me. We talked about it for a bit and he was bothered at the fact that he didn't want to go back on his word. Nonetheless it led to him kissing me and now i'm left very confused.....

Any thoughts, comments, advice?
Thanks

[ritah59]

Hi,

I haven't read your earlier posts about this guy, but it obviously looks to be a gap between how you view this relationship and how he does.

While for you this is a physically-intimate relationship and nothing more, for him it is physically-intimate relationship + something more. There is an emotional dependency that has developed in him. It is your call really, whether you want the relationship to develop beyond the physical plane or no. If you do not, then it is better for you to back out fast.

Hth,

R.

[Bo]

Hi,

I haven't read your earlier posts about this guy, but it obviously looks to be a gap between how you view this relationship and how he does.

While for you this is a physically-intimate relationship and nothing more, for him it is physically-intimate relationship + something more. There is an emotional dependency that has developed in him. It is your call really, whether you want the relationship to develop beyond the physical plane or no. If you do not, then it is better for you to back out fast.

Hth,

R.

I think that's somewhat true but not entirely. Just to clarify a couple things yes i do like him, i like him a lot actually but we both went into it knowing he was going to leave. So what he said was that the difference is, he's either with me for 3 months or he's with me for 5 months. I told him there was no difference because either way he's leaving. We've already decided that the 'relationship' wasn't going anywhere so what i'm confused about is why he feels the need to slow down. I'm getting mixed signals

Now, he's holding back on lot of the physical interactions (kissing, sitting close even). When we had that talk one of his concerns was that he didn't think i could handle this type of relationship. He has said that he didn't want me to get attached and i told him i wasn't going to. So i'm wondering if that's the reason why.

[Mish]

Whether you like it or not it will all end if not now then in two months. Why prolong the pain? Pull the band aid off in one go and keep a distance from him.

[jjj]

how far away is he going to university? if its not too far, why dont u go for it? try stay together and work on it? when there's a will there's a way? if u both like each other, and your problem is unsure on how things should be because of going away, try to stay together through it? it might not pull off, but atleast u tried it?

[Bo]

Whether you like it or not it will all end if not now then in two months. Why prolong the pain? Pull the band aid off in one go and keep a distance from him.

That was partially what he was trying to say, but i don't feel the need to do that although i do have feelings for him. It's nothing that's going to keep me in bed crying for days. I wouldn't have gotten into this in the first place if i had expectations of this going anywhere. I'm completely ok with this just being something casual, it's supposed to be fun, and when he leaves, then it's done. He said that the two months doesn't make a difference to him either but that time changes things and he doesn't want either of us to get hurt. Maybe i'm just being hard-headed, i just don't see what's wrong with continuing the way we have been

[Bo]

how far away is he going to university? if its not too far, why dont u go for it? try stay together and work on it? when there's a will there's a way? if u both like each other, and your problem is unsure on how things should be because of going away, try to stay together through it? it might not pull off, but atleast u tried it?

it's something about 6 hours away. It's on my list of universities that i might be transferring to once i finish another year at my local college. We discussed the whole relationship thing, it just won't work. I'm not willing to go for a long distance relationship and he'll be off at his former university, who knows what the possibilities are? I want him to be free to do whatever he wants when he gets there, i can't do long distance.

[jjj]

yeah i get you, 6 hours is a lot. nd well maybe u cud just see how things went int he last 2 months, try being how u were before as it sounds evrything was fine. and just carry it on if u could everytime he was home? holidays etc. if you end up going there in a years time. whos knows what could happen?

[Mish]

That was partially what he was trying to say, but i don't feel the need to do that although i do have feelings for him. It's nothing that's going to keep me in bed crying for days. I wouldn't have gotten into this in the first place if i had expectations of this going anywhere. I'm completely ok with this just being something casual, it's supposed to be fun, and when he leaves, then it's done. He said that the two months doesn't make a difference to him either but that time changes things and he doesn't want either of us to get hurt. Maybe i'm just being hard-headed, i just don't see what's wrong with continuing the way we have been

In that case continue the way you were. It will end in two months and you will move on then.

[Rollerderby]

He sounds pretty confused. Confused guys tend to lead to pain in some way shape or form. U should probably back off and let him come to you with one decision or another of what he wants. If you pursue him, I think you're going to end up being hurt. It sounds like you have a healthy perspective on this, and maybe that's why he is as mixed up as he is. His brain and his heart and his balls are all conflicting within him right now.

[Illusional]

he tells me that he bought a pregnancy test even though i'm on the pill because the idea of me being pregnant completely scares him.

you have already answered your own question...


raverboy

[Bo]

He sounds pretty confused. Confused guys tend to lead to pain in some way shape or form. U should probably back off and let him come to you with one decision or another of what he wants. If you pursue him, I think you're going to end up being hurt. It sounds like you have a healthy perspective on this, and maybe that's why he is as mixed up as he is. His brain and his heart and his balls are all conflicting within him right now.

i think you're right, he keeps on saying that continuing the way we were 'is going against his better judgment'. I decided this morning while talking to one of my girlfriends that i was going to back off, if he wants to talk to me than i'm here. But besides that i'm most likely going to be staying out of contact with him. I don't want to push anything so i'm just going to leave it alone.

[Bo]

you have already answered your own question...


raverboy

well i can understand his perspective on that actually, his ex had a baby from someone else so he's been left with the impression of a miserable young and depressed single mother. And it's only 2 months before he's leaving, the idea of ever being pregnant with his kid or any guy's kid at this age freaks me out too.

[Illusional]

honestly if pregnancy freaks you out, then why are you f*cking him?? teens these days are dumb... like i was... but i can speak from experience...

hows this question..?? would you really consider an abortion?? i have a friend who was on the pill and nonetheless, still got pregnant.

what would you do?

raverboy

[alovehangoverr]

The bottom line is he's saying "I don't want this to be a relationship." Sure, he might have some feelings-- but that doesn't change the bottom line.

Listen, I realize you're saying 2 months wouldn't make a difference to you, but it would to him so it's time to back off.

Also-- what did you really expect hanging out in a private a week later? Did you really expect it to be innocent? I find that hard to believe. It's dumb to think you can go from physical with some feelings involved to completely neutral in a week. Do him a favor and do yourself one-- back off. Let him get over it. If you want to hang out, go somewhere public.