how to show interest without stalking?

[stormtroopa]

Im sure a lot of people have had this issue before. I met someone online who I like. I don't know her very well, we only had a few conversations on facebook (using private messages). I love talking to her, and we seem to get along well. It would be easy for us to meet in person at some point, too.
After having an off-and-on conversation over the course of a couple days, she simply stopped responding. I've seen that she has been online since, so she has definitely had a chance to carry on the conversation. I was the last person to post anything, although I didn't say anything that clearly demanded a response.
Here's my question. I'm afraid to post anything else or say hi on regular chat for fear of seeming 'too interested'. If she's just not into me, I don't want to bother her or anything. Should I just let it go and hope she picks up the conversation later? How long is it reasonable to wait before giving up? Would it be okay if I wait a couple days and then try to talk to her again?
More importantly, is SHE asking the same questions? I feel like since i was the last one to write something, she is choosing to ignore me either because she's done with me, or because she is interested but also worried about seeming too desperate or something.
It would be WEIRD to ask her out, I hardly know her. And we probably won't see each other by random chance. I like her a lot though. What should I do?
PS. I'm pretty sure she broke up with her boyfriend not too long ago, and I have no idea how she is doing with that or if she's interested in dating again yet.

[Raze]

I'm pretty sure she broke up with her boyfriend not too long ago, and I have no idea how she is doing with that or if she's interested in dating again yet.

That's a red flag right there. I've been in the rebound situation before. It's not a pretty relationship. It's filled with manipulation, games, and heartbreak.

I met someone online who I like. I don't know her very well, we only had a few conversations on facebook (using private messages). I love talking to her, and we seem to get along well. It would be easy for us to meet in person at some point, too.

I will tell you this right now: Facebook is not the place to meet people you want to date. It's not the right environment. If you're deadset on meeting someone online, try dating sites. It's very creepy to ask someone out on Facebook. She's probably a) not interested b) really creeped out

[smackie9]

She's not interested in you. Here's a tip: don't be eager to respond or jump at them when they log on.....it makes you look desperate which shows weakness. You have to play it kool and if they contact you fine...hold off a bit before responding. Let them come to you. Just because you get a long, doesn't constitute attraction. It's what's in those responses from her that count....if she makes suggestions or hints about meeting or heavy flirtations then there's something there. If it's just general chat, it's not what you think. It's just friends zone crap and you don't want that.

[stormtroopa]

Thanks for the help so far. Actually I realized I left out something important.
We didn't meet first on facebook, it WAS a dating site. I contacted her there, and gave my fb id. She actually requested me as a friend, and then I sent her a first message a day later. I thought the fact that me met that way, and she did play along meant that she must be interested on some level. In the context, it seemed like we both must have some interest or we wouldn't be talking. That's why it caught me off guard when she went silent. If I had just found her on facebook and started trying to flirt, I would NOT be at all surprised that she's ignoring me. Isn't this a little different though?

[Boisdevie]

Why not just suggest you get for coffee? Or tell her you're planning to have a nice walk and invite her along. There are millions of ways. Just dont' be too heavy about it.
My GF asked my out just by suggesting that if I was in her neck of the woods that we could get together for a drink - we did and four months later we are an 'item'. It doesn't have to be that complicated

[VincenzoG91]

If you are meeting women online, try to move the interaction into the real world as soon as possible. Women are attracted to assertive guys, so don't hide behind a computer screen where you can safely flirt. Get a phone number and call her, don't just text her. And then ask her out instead of just sending winky emoticons.

[smackie9]

Thanks for the help so far. Actually I realized I left out something important.
We didn't meet first on facebook, it WAS a dating site. I contacted her there, and gave my fb id. She actually requested me as a friend, and then I sent her a first message a day later. I thought the fact that me met that way, and she did play along meant that she must be interested on some level. In the context, it seemed like we both must have some interest or we wouldn't be talking. That's why it caught me off guard when she went silent. If I had just found her on facebook and started trying to flirt, I would NOT be at all surprised that she's ignoring me. Isn't this a little different though?

You are silly to think there has to be something between you if she talks to you....well no, some girls just like the attention and when something better comes along they ditch you.

[xxazurexx]

Why do people always suggest going for a 'coffee'? How does he even know she likes 'coffee'....she might hate bloody 'coffee' ...that coffee shop must be raking in millions with all these people dating in the coffee shop.....lmfao

I agree with Smackie....she has no interest.

Females who like you, don't just start to ignore you - they are as keen as you are and they show their keeness.

Probably her ex mailed her again and she's back in touch with him, hence she doesn't require your attention anymore.

[stormtroopa]

Why do people always suggest going for a 'coffee'? How does he even know she likes 'coffee'....she might hate bloody 'coffee' ...that coffee shop must be raking in millions with all these people dating in the coffee shop.....lmfao

I agree with Smackie....she has no interest.

Females who like you, don't just start to ignore you - they are as keen as you are and they show their keeness.

Probably her ex mailed her again and she's back in touch with him, hence she doesn't require your attention anymore.

No I'm quite certain she's not back with her ex.
I would take your advice and drop it except for one thing that everyone always ignores when they give that exact same piece of advice. WHAT IF SHE'S DOING THE SAME THING? I can't imagine anything more sadly ironic than two people who want to be together but neither one makes a move because they think the other doesn't like them precisely BECAUSE they haven't made a move. It's a complete self fulfilling prophecy, and I'm not gonna go down that road. What I'll do is give it some more time, then send her a message that's a direct question. If she ignores that, I'll obviously take the hint. If not I'll try to meet her. Happy?
All I want to know is how long should I wait so that I seem interested but not obsessed. 2 days? A week? What?

[VincenzoG91]

I can't imagine anything more sadly ironic than two people who want to be together but neither one makes a move because they think the other doesn't like them precisely BECAUSE they haven't made a move.

This is why the man is supposed to make the first move, so there won't be any confusion about who is supposed to make the first move.

[Raze]

If you are meeting women online, try to move the interaction into the real world as soon as possible. Women are attracted to assertive guys, so don't hide behind a computer screen where you can safely flirt. Get a phone number and call her, don't just text her. And then ask her out instead of just sending winky emoticons.

I completely agree. You need to be assertive and you will know if you get along via chatting on the phone rather than texting. Having a texting relationship is difficult and unfulfillable. The bottom line is she can respond when she wants to with asynchronous communication. Asynchronous communication is chatting via IM or texting; it means she can respond when she wants (days later, weeks later, months later).

[xxazurexx]

No I'm quite certain she's not back with her ex.

Where is your proof she isn't? Are you in her presence 24/7? Can you account for her every step, every person who crosses her path daily? Who calls her and who doesn't?....

I would take your advice and drop it except for one thing that everyone always ignores when they give that exact same piece of advice. WHAT IF SHE'S DOING THE SAME THING? I can't imagine anything more sadly ironic than two people who want to be together but neither one makes a move because they think the other doesn't like them precisely BECAUSE they haven't made a move. It's a complete self fulfilling prophecy, and I'm not gonna go down that road. What I'll do is give it some more time, then send her a message that's a direct question. If she ignores that, I'll obviously take the hint. If not I'll try to meet her. Happy?
All I want to know is how long should I wait so that I seem interested but not obsessed. 2 days? A week? What?

So you are imagining that it could be possible you are both utterly in love, despite she barely knows you and both are scared to make a move? Sorry, I don't buy that things happen that way. If people are mutually into each other, one of them doesn't disappear for a few days leaving the other person hanging on and wondering what happened. People do leave you hanging and if they are confused about feelings, they aren't into you, or they sense you are wanting more and so they distance and back off and hope you get the hint...

It sounds as though you ended the last conversation in a way which required her to respond and she didn't respond. Instead she vanished for a few days and didn't reply, despite her being online...

You can try again with her, no harm in it....but my guess is, you are pissing against the wind.

Even if there is no one else, she has a very recent ex....and if she's still hung up on him, you stand no chance.

Look forward to the 'friendzone'.