I have to move on.. but i cant look at her as a friend

[iamthelostone]

Hey Loveforum.net
im new and are in dear need of some help

I have been in my first relationship for about 8 months now
i have recently broken up with her due to her starting to work at ... a brothel

now this is long so if you dont want to read it all (2000 words ..)
( please do you will understand it more and it will help me :'( )
or
skip to the last couple of lines


Our relationship started well.
It was christmas, i had no school and only a few days of work.
At the start of the relationship it didnt occur to me
that i would of started school 1 month later with nearly 30 hour weeks
with no time to do homework or have any alone time at all (which kind of drove me insane).
Throughout our relationship we fought about things such as time
and small things that we completely irrelevant.
At the start of the relationship i had noticed how jealous she was.
She was CRAZY jealous mainly due to her size and she felt unattractive
For example :

We went to her friends party. Her friend came up to me and hugged me saying
You must be "------" ive heard so much about you. This is when we just arrived at the party.
(Her friend was a huge slut who just ****ed everyone around to get her way. anyway)
Throughout the whole night her attitude changed and i said " whats wrong".
she said " you piss me off just dont bother with me anymore" i was like WTFFFF
i didnt show any attention to her friend but im the one that she was getting annoyed at...

Around the 3-4 month mark i had started to go to school and had friends who were messing around with each other.
(my friend messing around with girl inclass who had a boyfriend)
I told her and automatically she went physcho thinking i would do the same as i hung around those kind of people.
And as there was this girl in our friend group she just hated (didnt even meet her) just because she was the opposite sex and told me i should not bother being in a relationship if i talk to sluts.
i constantly got abuse and the silent treatment for anything i said regarding school. so i just stopped talking about it.

now eventually time got ahead of me and i found myself spending 4 of the 7 nights at her house
as she didnt have job, didnt want to get a job and couldnt be bothered getting a job
i found myself just constantly being around her non-stop
i then realised how much homework i had put off due to just wanting to relax when i spent time home not doing homework. so ofcourse i was really behind and she said it was my fault for not doing homework . so i got stressed out
packed my stuff and left her
now this happened pretty much 6 times
im not proud of it but i kept on coming back but regretted it then left again.

eventually she started to not care and said whatever just leave
and always sent me msgs " you obvouisly dont care , how could you do this to me after what you've put me through"
etc etc emotional blackmail and of course i went back to her and the cycle just happened over and over again.

2 weeks ago i read her messages on her phone when she fell asleep
now . i would never cheat on a girl , flirt with any other girls while in a relationship or have the need to talk to any other girls

now i was extremely in a WTF and annoyed mood
because all the people she were talking to were.. ****ING GUYS
i pretty much got out of bed left her house and drove off back to my place
i called her saying " wtf after all the shit you give me about talking to girls ( THAT I NEVER DID _), you talk to all the guys "
i was in tears feeling like i had been cheated on
i drove back to her house and picked her up and we talked about it at a local scenic place.
she talked to other guys and other people so that i wouldnt get annoyed when she constantly would txt me all the time
which also made me annoyed and want to leave her as i had never had anyone like that before...
i was like wtf.. but eventually kinda understood and went back with her . again...

anyway after that her friend (prostitute) told her how much money she was making working at a brothel
( keep in mind that my gf had thought about and liked the idea of working in that area before our relationship .. WTF)
anyway she went for an meeting and audition and i was really unsure about it
but she said that she would only give handjobs and blowjobs
i was still unsure but deep down i really wanted her company and i did care about her and love her.
after 1 week i noticed that she was more confident about herself as men payed to see her naked etc.

i then was like WTF how am i letting my gf do this kinda shit. i broke it off telling her i did not like the idea and i grabbed my shit and left really badly calling her a slut and telling her to get a real job instead of sucking dick for money. at that point she was over the relationship and told me that if i left that would be the end and i would never be with her again.


i went to school thought about it all day but stayed strong
came home etcetc went to sleep after talking to my friend
got into my cold alone bed and cryed my eyes out thinking i would never have her affection ever again..
i called her and begged her to take me back ( i dont know what the **** i was thinking) went to her house and slept over
and we got back together but it was a shit night because she had "work" in the morning so she was agro and didnt wanna spend time with me...

eventually i told my sister i got really pissed off at the idea when i told my sister and she reacted > WTF ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU CRAZY and of course i broke it off again -_-;
i went home
and ended up reading her messages after
she was talking to the same guys saying
"how come we havnt done anything before"
i called her asking her what that was about and
she said she would replace me with other people but had no intention of doing so.
went to sleep etc
i woke up went to school and after i left i sent her a msg saying whats up because i have no idea why maybe because
i did want to talk to her
she was at the guys place..... i offered to give her a ride home
and i noticed how much i cared about her
she told me that he had tried to get with her when she was there but rejected him because
nothing compared to me.
dropped her home and before i left she looked at me and i kinda fell inlove with her again.. FFFS
i woke up went to school and looked through her msgs again i then saw that her prostitute friend asked her
what she was doing for work . she replied saying i used to just do handjobs and oral but now i dont care
so pretty much she was having sex with her clients
i called the brothel putting on a low life voice to only find out that it was true and that she did sleep with
clients.
i sent her a msg asking her the truth and she just replied
" im sorry you deserve better "
" i feel like shit "
"im a retard"
"fml"
"i just want to die"
at that point my heart felt like it had been run over by a truck
i was shaking and was about to burst into tears and have a emotional breakdown

went to her house picked up my shit and left her a note saying how she should get a proper job and how i cared about her
and that i would never had thought about cheating on her

now for this past week i have not cryed but always thought about what she did and it sickened me
she tried contacting me but i simply ignored her
sent me a msg asking about my fathers state as he was in hospital and i said ok thankyou
she replied with ""
i woke up and she asked me why i was being so mean and i said i cannot talk to you right now as im not
mentally and emotionally stable but she obvouisly said " you probably have found someone else" here we go again..
i called her saying i could not talk or see her and she started crying again .. and she just said that she had no friends anymore and she was going crazy with being alone. i went over to her house to get my stuff and to talk to her for a bit
she was acting normal as if nothing was wrong as i kept my chin up and tryed not to have an emotional break down
we drove to a secluded place and i did not feel comfortable because i was still unsure about my state of mind.
i drove her home but she begged me to see her again i just replied with " ok but not right now " as in like weeks as i will
have to recover etc. we sat in the car and she told me how good looking i was and that she wondered if she would ever meet someone like me ever again in tears..
she grabbed my stuff from indoors and i closed my passenger door.
she stood infront of my door and didnt want to hand me my belongings
i told her that i was not in the mood for games and she shed a tear because she obviously knew what i was feeling
( the feeling when i knew what was best for me to leave her and move on .but my desire to be with her constantly ran through my head and confused me)
she asked for a final hug and i agreed she hugged me for 10 seconds and moved her hands as if she would never see me ever again.
i just stood there head up high looking into the trees not thinking about it.
i then stood back and told her that i was leaving she said ok and moved out the way.
i got in put down my window and said "bye" she turned around sadly and didnt say anything..

she msged me later on and said "Sorry"
its now around 2.30am and i have been writing this for 30 minutes or so
at 2 am she sent me a msg saying " i miss your cuddles".
she obvouisly regrets doing it and misses me alot and wants to be with me
but i know that i must move on and forget about her
but i noticed how i acted around her
if i would have left myself just get 1% emotional i would have fallen inlove with her all over again
but if i did
my mum , my sister my best friend would all of been like WTF and pretty much looked down at me

deep down i know i want to be with her
i miss her, i miss her affection, i miss the things we did and the time spent together
but i need to move on in life and further better myself as i have not much motivation to study due to my father being sick
and overall stress from studying
and i know she really really wants to be with me
but as she works at a brothel and she continues to work there as of tonight aswell
i am unsure as if she was still having sex with clients in the last few days when we had broken up
but was still working there.

so basicly
i want to move on but
i want to still be with her
she wants to be with me
but i am not sure if she will quit her job and further herself in life
and i dont want a loser wife

do i.

A) move on with my life , forget about her and completely ignore her and not contact her
B) get back together with her , hope she leaves her job and get hated on by my mum and sister and friends. and possibly fail school and then have no idea what to do with myself
C) move on with my life, but still talk to her and be her friend. ( but only once i have gotten over her (if i do )

sorry if that was long but i pretty much couldnt sum it up much :/
thank you

[nestorz]

Are you kidding me man?

I know you cant look at this objectively, let me tell you how things are.

1. Your ex is a prostitute, a hooker, a whore.
2. Imagine your life with her, noone will EVER respect either of you.
3. You have a LIFE, it's not all about her.

Get yourself back on track, don't cry like a sissy.
Break up with her for good and never look back.

We're talking serious relationships here, ones that possibly lead to marriage.

Would you let a hooker look after your children?
Imagine how other kids would pick on your kids.

You need to run away from her asap.
She may be a good person, but she's ****ed up in a million ways and you cannot have a happy life with her.


Its a simple choice.
A) Leave her, save some pride and get your lofe back on track.
B) Be the laughing stock of the city, never get any respect, **** up your family relationships and watch your girl **** other men.


I know I'm being harsh, but you have to understand how things are.

I wish you all the best, good luck.

[iamthelostone]

thankyou nestorz
thats what i wanted to hear

[Andariel]

I don't think there is any question about what you need to do to maintain your sanity and self-respect. The answer is pretty obvious.

You obviously cannot handle being with her while she is working as a prostitute. Even if she stopped, would you ever be able to look at her with the same eyes you used to in the past? Would you be able to forget that she was sleeping with other men? If the answer to these questions is no, then there is no point in torturing yourself anymore: you made the right decision. You need to stick with your decision and stop all contact with her. You can't be her friend while you still have feelings for her-every time she gets in touch you would go through all this pain all over again. You deserve better, as in being with a girl who is yours 100%. Why would you be willing to share?

[Wakeup]

I'd pick (A) if I were you. Then I'd talk to a professional to find out why I keep going back to a skank who emotionally blackmails me and treats me like shit.

There must be some reason that a therapist will be able to help you with so that you don't keep finding terrible woman like this one attractive and getting yourself in over your head. If you're against therapy then I suggest you don't ignore red flags behaviour like you did in this relationship ever again and get yourself away (and STAY AWAY) from anyone (not just women) who are showing you blatantly that they are issued. You can't fix people like her.

She has huge issues and you do too if you'd keep going back for more of the same from her.

Look after yourself and do your best to forget she exists by going No Contact and blocking and deleting her from reaching you in any manner. It's the only way you're going to get over your addiction to your drug of choice known as "bad girlfriend."

[iamthelostone]

thanks so much you guys
i have sent her a message saying to pack my shit up so i can pick it up from her in the morning
i will then call my network provider and block her number
you guys have made it so clear for me
i cannot imagine how i could of been so stupid
thankyou

[Andariel]

That's the spirit! :-)