Any advise on dating a coworker?

[peace.fairy]

I wrote a lot about this guy awhile ago.

To summarise:
I started a new job last October and started to fancy one of my co-workers. He seemed interested too and we started hanging out a lot and hooked up a few times. We became friends with benefits and that went on till February or so. Then it all kind of faded away. We remained just friends, I started seeing someone else. He then once said that he’s jealous and nothing can ever happen between us again. It did. And again and again. And then we really started to fancy each other. And it got to a point where we both told each other that we have feelings for each other. But for some reason he still wanted to stay friends.

So then later we went to a festival together with two other coworkers who are a couple. We slept together in the same tent and (no sex, just slept).
After we came back he said he loves me and I said it too. And then I wrote him a letter, cuz i couldn’t take it anymore and it needed to be sorted finally.

Basically I wrote him that i have strong feelings for him and it seems that he feels the same way and I suggested we try something more than just friends. He said, he doesn’t see us being together. Later that day I told him that with all the feelings and everything that happened I don’t see us being just friends like we used to and I don’t want to hang out with him anymore than is absolutely necessary for work. He came over 10 minutes after I sent him that message. Said he has been thinking about this the whole day and told his sister all about this and she encouraged him to be with me and he talked to those two other coworkers that are a couple and they also said go for it, but he was still in doubt and was totally lost.

He didn’t want to ever hurt me because I am such a dear friend to him. He also said he sees both my good sides and my bad ones too and he feels all kinds of feelings towards me - very warm really deep feelings but also sometimes he is not even attracted to me.. and he thinks it shouldn’t be like that, he thinks he should only see the good parts in the beginning and the bad ones shouldn’t bother him…. And so on and so on and in the end we decided to give it a go. We decided to stop being just friends and see what more can happen, decided to not be with anyone else and be together.

So now we are. And it’s a little weirder than I thought. I mean to date a coworker. To spend 8 hours together at work and be all formal and neutral towards each other. Act even distant a little so nobody would suspect anything… And then meet after work and be all over each other.

And it’s not just sex. After we first decided to try something more he asked me to come over and just sleep cuddling all night. And that’s all we did then. Next night we slept together again (sex and all) and it’s all warm and cozy and sexy as well. But also a little strange as if we are not sure how to be with each other…

Or we go to have lunch together and we just sit there and talk about random things and can’t hug each other or anything cuz someone might see us.. Or maybe he started to have second thoughts and is becoming a bit distant… Or am I just overthinking it all once again…

Does anyone have advise on dating coworkers? So it all doesn’t get ruined because of that pretending formal and distant at work so nobody suspects anything. Or any other insights into this whole thing?

[Gundappa]

Nice briefing. Glad to read your thread here. lol