Secret Relationship?

[Morgaine]

I'm 17 and I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 5 months now. My mom has recently found out about our relationship and she wants us to break up immediately. She has never approved of me being in relationships. She thinks that I am too young. She is usually very unreasonable and yells at and threatens me a lot... but this time she is being reasonable. She says I can have a boyfriend once I'm a little older and she knows I'm a good girl and does well in school. She won't change her mind though. I can't have a boyfriend.

I told my boyfriend that we should be on a pause until my mom will allow us to be together. We're both terribly upset... and we can't seem to be just friends. We go to the same school and have lunch together... and we live next to each other. We've always been good friends... but now it's really difficult. We no longer go out together or display any public affection. When we're alone, however, we always end up cuddling or something. We just can't be friends. Even for the moment.

What should I do? I can't sneak behind my mom's back like that... I don't even know what I'm saying. I just want a few words of advice. Thank you.

[Gribble]

What's your mom going to do about it if you ignore her and date him anyway?

What's worse, the punishment she has in store for you, or losing your guy?

[Morgaine]

I just... don't want to lie to her... and I feel bad when she ignores me and just sits in her room crying... I'm not even sure why she does that.

I know what you're saying though. My boyfriend and I originally planned to just be friends for a while... but we just can't do it.

And it's difficult going behind my mom's back anyway... she's really strict on me...

Ah, I'm sorry I'm not making much sense.

[Junket]

I just... don't want to lie to her... and I feel bad when she ignores me and just sits in her room crying... I'm not even sure why she does that.

I know what you're saying though. My boyfriend and I originally planned to just be friends for a while... but we just can't do it.

And it's difficult going behind my mom's back anyway... she's really strict on me...

Ah, I'm sorry I'm not making much sense.

First of all, where are you from?

Second of all, her crying is her way of manipulating you.

See, some parents are controlling, in that they directly influence what you do and don't do. Other parents, like your mother, are sneaky, and manipulate you into doing what she wants you to do.

She's a devious.

She's your mother, but deceptive nonetheless.

Whatever you do now, just don't forget that for the future.

She has an unhealthy bond with you at current.

[vashti]

Well, you said yourself she is being reasonable, and since you think she is, you'd better listen to her. I don't know what other option you have, since you are not self-supporting yet.

Why don't you have her lay out some *specific* goals you must reach in order to have a boyfriend, such as an exact age, and what kind of grades, etc. This will give you an idea of whether or not she is being unreasonable. If good grades to her means she wants you to get all Cs, for example, I don't think that is ridiculous.

[anachronistic]

sounds similar to my last relationship.

my advice: secret relationships are NOT worth your time. you're 17 years old, you're old enough to date. don't let it be secret. keep it out there.