Should I let it slide and then end up getting hurt later?

[Judie]

I'm having a little dilemma at the moment regarding my long-term, long-distance boyfriend. We have been together over 3.5 years and living about an hour away from each other. Last weekend, I accidentally found out that while I was away for 2 weeks, he was sending text messages and flirting (X's and O's, checking up on her at 2-3am in the morning...) with a random girl, seems like he met earlier in a bar. When I confessed to him that I accidentally come across the messages as I thought it was sent to me and I just wanted to reminded myself of how sweet we were (I do that on my phone all the time), he said it was just "for a kick" and it didn't mean anything. I understand that flirting is not a big deal, but given that this girl he's met at a random place, and he has her number (he must have asked for it) and then contacted her as if she is one of his close acquaintance... I grow up in a very strict and well educated family and quite confused right now. I used to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him to go out with his buddies and have fun at bars and clubs most Friday nights, now I am not so sure anymore. I have lost some trust in him and don't know if I should move on or if I stay, how can we carry on?

I very much appreciate your time and advice!

[Agape]

considering this is long-term then it's probably best you give him another chance?. . . but if he ruins that one then get a guy who you can trust

however definitely tell him that you don't like him flirting with other girls and sending texts

[Judie]

considering this is long-term then it's probably best you give him another chance?. . . but if he ruins that one then get a guy who you can trust

however definitely tell him that you don't like him flirting with other girls and sending texts

Thanks Agape. I have told him since the beginning that I don't like it when he was hitting on other random girls and how I feels when he did. However, he still managed to do this, that's why it's harder for me to stay than just move on.

[Agape]

Thanks Agape. I have told him since the beginning that I don't like it when he was hitting on other random girls and how I feels when he did. However, he still managed to do this, that's why it's harder for me to stay than just move on.

If it's harder for you to stay than move on then you should let him go . . .consider this "long-term, long-distance", is this relationship really worth it - you're questioning him and you don't like his behaviour from the start.

[sparkle_jello]

I am more inclined to say you should break up. If it happened very early in the relationship, that's one thing. But after this long he should be emotionally invested to the point he wouldn't do this. You really have no way of knowing how he's acting with other people. One of my friends actually called her husband's 'women' on his phone and found out a lot of interesting things... maybe you should. If he's innocent, he will have no problem with it.

[Judie]

Thank you so much for your responses. I haven't made my decision yet but your advice really helped me thinking clearly!