My boyfriend and I have been together for eight years--we have gone through high school and college together, and throughout our entire relationship, we have lived with our parents. However, during the last 3 years, my boyfriend has essentially "moved in" to my house with the rest of my family. This has worked out perfectly fine until recently. There are just way too many people in this house which leads to major family drama. We are both wearing thin, and want to get out of here as soon as possible, but I have some reservations.
We have a great relationship, and have both graduated from college and both have jobs. However, my boyfriend has an in-between job, because he wants to be a police officer. To be able to get onto the force sooner, he has to move into the actual city that he took the exam for within the next two months. Even though I don't like the area, I will live there if it means he is one step closer to his career. I am okay with all of this, but I have been having some major internal issues lately. He knows that I would love to get out of my house, move in with him, start our life together and be a "big girl," but I am hesitant to move into him before we are at least engaged. I just wish we could do this a little more traditionally....get engaged, set a wedding date, move in together, etc. I know that he wants to marry me, and that is his planning on proposing to me as soon as he can, but I know that he will not do this before we move out. I feel pressured, because time is running out--if we're going to do this it has to be as soon as possible. He's the type of guy that wants to buy me the best diamond and refuses to just ask me to marry him without one, or even with a teeny one. Of course I would love a big diamond (what girl wouldn't?!) but being with him is way more important to me, and I have told him I don't want anything big or extravagant--but he basically ignores me when I bring this up.
He has said to me that we can't afford to get engaged or married, but then how can we afford to move out and have even more responsibilities together than we do now? I think he just wants to give me the best of everything, and he doesn't think that he can do that right now. He doesn't understand that all I want is him! I don't need a big wedding or ring or anything like that. Basically, I am torn between sucking it up and moving in with him so that he can start his career quicker (he'll make more money, we'll be able to get married, buy a house, etc), or not agreeing to move out until we are at least engaged. I have never been the type of girlfriend to make an ultimatum, and I really don't want to be now. I just want some sort of commitment. He cannot afford to move out on his own: rentals in the area he needs to move to are ridiculously expensive, and we live in the northeast, so the heat bills will be through the roof. He just can't afford it. I am willing to make this sacrifice for him, but I can't make my own reservations go away, and it's driving me insane! Should I ignore my own concerns because I know that us moving out now would be better for the both of us since he will get his job a year or two sooner than he would if we stayed at home?