Shattered EGO,please help!!!!!

[AngelsBreath]

i have called it quits with my ex gf for 6 months now,she was my first love,we have been together for 4 years but since i moved to a different state,she had fallen out of love from me,she cheated on me,so we decided to break up,now 6 months after the break up,her memories still lingers,i forced myself to hate her and it worked,my love for her disappeared,i still dont have a girlfriend,i feel depressed,and left out,3 months ago she told me she has a new bf,i didnt reply,and yesterday she emailed me,and she told me she's engaged,and she has just been with the guy for 6 months,i felt sick,shocked and left out,it is like all the people at my age 23 are having a party and i am stuck at home playing videogames to blow off steam.i felt like i have been kicked in the balls because of her email.she has accomplished so much emotionally with a new partner when i am still alone forcing myself on one night stands.please help me.

i tried to hit on her bestfriend today thru email,due to my sadness,she still hasnt replied.

[Al Pacino]

no matter if you love , the important who you are loving .. you mistake in your choice thats all ... move on brother

[miSSleepy]

you feel she's accomplished more than you by getting engaged after 6 months of seeing someone?
Let her go ... it's her life and you have nothing to do with it right now. She might hae made a complete mistake with such a quick engagement, so that's not accomplishing anything. But it has nothing to with you.
You're still young, and plenty of people your age are still dating and having one-night stands, there's absolutely no rush to get married right now.
And for pete's sake - stay away from her best friend. That's really low.

[Michael6084]

dude, id cut off contact with her. get a new email or something. it seems like she might be trying to get under your skin by telling you this.

you're better off without her. while being single might feel like a bitch, enjoy your freedom because i suppose that once you get married, you cant really do the same things as you once did. go out and live it up.

dont try and do stuff with her best friend. just move on and distance yourself from them as much as you can.

[AngelsBreath]

thank you for replying,it made me feel better,if you have more thoughts on this topic please let me know,and i agree,it has nothing to do with me anymore,

missleepy,youre right,6 months is not enough to be sure enough.

michael,that was what i was thinking,she might be just trying to make me feel miserable for transferring to a new state,and might be that shes retaliating for all the sour things ive said when she cheated.

[vashti]

Sounds like you dodged a bullet, my friend. If she is engaged 6 months after you broke up, that means she has been seeing that guy even LESS than 6 months. These days, you'd be crazy to marry someone that soon.

Anyway, engaged means nothing these days. Lots of girls call themselves engaged, and they have no engagement ring and no date set for the wedding. Big surprise the wedding date often doesn't materialize. (Think of Jerry Springer guests.)

I agree with the others who told you to cut contact.

[reeba]

Well that was a cheap shot. Going after the girl's best friend as an act of revenge. And a pathetic shot. You asked her out via email instead of in person? I hope she has the sense not to reply.

You are 23 and you moved to a different state? I assume this was a voluntary career choice. Did you ask her to follow? Did you offer her any incentive to follow? Why do you wonder why your relationship disolved? Relationships need some form of commitment/nurturing to make them work, and from your post, I don't see any effort on your side. From the information you gave us, you forced her into a long distance relationship, and she moved on (although rather hastily).

You made your choice to move, and she made her choice to move on.

[Moonchild]

she might be just trying to make me feel miserable

That's exactly what she's doing. There's no reason for her to contact you about things like that /except/ to make you feel bad. Ignore her entirely; she's just trying to get under your skin. Don't let it work, or you'll just keep feeling horrible.

vashti: Less than 6, definitely. But she sent the e-mail three months back, so it might even be closer to that--even more insane, I think.

[AngelsBreath]

vashti thnak you for posting,i will keep in mind that i really dodged a bullet on that one,i didnt fully trusted her anyway,she dates men behind my back and acts like it was nothing,i am very faithful and i know that i dont wanna end up with her at all, the only thing that kept us going for 4 years i think was sex which i miss the most and maybe i also had a friend in her.

reeba,i think you are right in a sense,but i did everything to keep us together,i saved money so that i could propose to her but it still went down when she told me that she was dating somebody,im not wondering why it dissolved,i am wondering why after 6 months it still made me feel bad.but im better today after reading your thoughts.i also had my faults in all of that but we had a good closure,,i told her twice already not to email or call me,not because i still hate her but to hasten the healing process on both sides,and about her friend,that girl was also my friend although not that close,she is very pretty smart and i liked her even before i liked my ex,its not random,it is not revenge,but to know if there is something.


moonchild thank you for posting,you made e feel very good.thank you for your advice

[Gigabitch]

Dude, you are reaching the limit of the right-to-wallow stage. It's time to pull yourself together. You need to start dating. Don't get another girlfriend yet- you're not ready for that, but get out there and start meeting other women, preferably people who don't know your ex. Please don't bore them with tales of your ex, either (save that for us- we can tolerate that).

You've pretty fully described your past. Now let's start thinking about the future.

[GrkScorp]

it is like all the people at my age 23 are having a party and i am stuck at home playing videogames to blow off steam.i felt like i have been kicked in the balls because of her email.she has accomplished so much emotionally with a new partner when i am still alone forcing myself on one night stands.please help me.

i tried to hit on her bestfriend today thru email,due to my sadness,she still hasnt replied.

First of all, CALM DOWN.. and i'll tell you why..

1. "People your age are NOT having a party"... For instance.. I'm in my mid-20's.. and i'm not having a party every night.. or even once a month for that reason.. I'm going out for coffee tonight with some people from HIGH SCHOOL!!! And that will officially mark the first time i've been out of my house/work/school in 2 months!!! But since you asked.. i'll give you the right impression of what guys your age ARE doing.. The ones that are not playing video games, or busy with work/school... are..

a. Watching Porn
b. Hanging out with other guys, telling eachother B.S. stories of what they with they did this weekend (as if it was fact, and they actually did it)... because guys are stupid.. the group believes it..
c. Pay $40+ to get into a club and watch girls dance as they ponder why none of these girls is all over them (and why there are still single and about to go back home and watch porn)
d. Listening to b*tching from their girlfriends..

So, as you see... playing video-games is the best thing you can ask for.. because afterall.. girlfriends are for losers who can't download porn..

2. "You were not kicked in the balls"... Take a moment and give the following some thought.. (If it really bothers you that she got engaged to someone else.. then why didn't YOU simply ask her to marry you when you were going out?).. I'll tell you why.. because you didn't want to.. So in reality.. the fact that she's engaged doesn't bother you.. in fact.. the person she's engaged to doesn't bother you.. the only thing that bothers you is thinking the following (This is the one woman that I could be with.. and now she is officially gone; and i'm left with nobody).. this is the male fallacy..

NEWS FLASH: the world's ratio of men to women is 1:1.4.. that means.. there are more women for every man.. depending on your state.. you may be even more lucky.. Google Male-Female Ratio and find out how your state is.. But I can bet you; unless you live in alaska.. that you've got the upper hand.. If you found someone like her.. you'll find someone else.. and If SHE went out with you.. someone else like her will go out with you.. There are always women.. you just have to look for them..

I fall in love with a different woman each week.. now, i'm in a relationship.. so I just ignore it and move on.. but if I was single.. and had to actively date women.. I would be able to date at an average rate of 2 different women per week.. easily.. (keep in mind.. I live in NYC.. so the population density helps).. if you live in a small town.. maybe you might date at the rate of 1 per week.. or 1 every 2 weeks.. but the point is.. [IT'S NOT RARE TO FIND GOOD LOOKING WOMEN WHO ARE INTERESTED IN YOU, FOR DATING]..

3. The Golden Rule.. Have you ever seen those cheezy AIG Insurance ads on TV? You watch them tell you how much you need insurance.. and then thier slogan comes up.. "The Biggest Risk, Is not Taking one at all"... Now, before they coined that.. the concept of Positive(favorable) risk exposure was a Wall Street concept.. where a portfolio could be exposed to GOOD risk.. or BAD risk.. Think of your life like this.. Your portfolio consists of your activities and actions.. (what you do).. your investment is limited to your TIME (24 hours in a day)... Now.. if you're sleeping.. you're not exposing yourself to any GOOD risk.. If you're playing games.. you're not exposing yourself to any GOOD risk.. if you're hitting on her best friends, chances are, best friends talk.. and she thinks you're off bounds.. so you're exposing yourself to BAD risk..

So, what you want to do.. is start investing your time more efficiently and exposing yourself to GOOD risk (chances of dating women you find attractive).. The first step involves re-allocation of your TIME.. Cut down on your game-time.. and your sad-mope-depression-borderline-emo time.. work out, take a shower, dress up, and get out of your house.. Start looking.. School, cafe's.. bookstores.. stores in general.. and start exposing yourself to GOOD risk.. don't be affraid of rejection.. you're not asking to marry anyone.. and you've done this before!!! (you're not a rookie... you're a 4 year veteran!!!)... so go out there with confidence.. and know that hey.. you can offer women alot more than most other men can..

4. From your perspective, you're life is a priority.. Ending on this last point... don't allow other people to impact you to such a degree... When you start a relationship.. be weary and careful.. see, if you're a girl.. you have girlfriends who care.. if you're a guy.. you have guys who don't care... so once a new relationship starts.. realize that no matter what.. you don't NEED the other person.. you're better than that.. you have video-games & porn.. lol.. i'm just kidding.. but seriously.. don't get too attached before you are certain that the other person feels the same way.. and always monitor the other person.. if you feel like things are slowing down in the relationship.. allow yourself to get grounded.. the gets you ready for sudden (i don't want to date you anymore, IT'S OVER).. you can be like.. (phsst.. w/e.. that's ok.. let's be adults about this.. good times.. later..)

[AngelsBreath]

thanks for your reply gigabitch,i appreciate it. and grkscorp,thanks for discussing a lot of things that i did not know.i appreciate you giving me the proper mindset.