My insecurity

[Zlatograd]

Well, my story is quite long. But the main problem is, I am being insecure in the relationship without no reason.

I met a guy, he is originally from Thailand but has been living in Europe now for 16 years. He still respects his Thai culture and speaks the language.
He is shorter than me, about 15 cm, but it doesn't bother me nor him. At first it was weird but now I just think that if were happy than the opinion of others doesn't matter. I know we might look funny on the street but so what. I even wear high heels sometimes. The only thing we don't usually do is holding hands because that just feels uncomfortable.

He used to live in the same city before we started communicating (we knew each other by face but hadn't talked) but now he lives 170 km away from me. We started talking in a bar, I was really drunk and he tried to take me home with him. Later he has said that if it would've succeeded, he wouldn't have contacted me again. But when I understood WHY he wanted me to see his apartment I asked him to take me my home and he did. And called a few days after.

It started slow. At first I actually thought that it will be for a short time maybe, because I just had the feeling that we don't fit. Now, when we feel more comfortable around each other, it's not a problem anymore.

The thing is, he is 29 and I am 20. He has a past. He has slept with many women, he told me that he actually didn't have a relationship for five years before me because he just didn't feel anything for anyone. So he just worked and went to gym every day and in the weekends took somebody home from bar. I don't judge.

Two months after we started dating he said that he had a 11 months old daughter. From a one night stand. He said that he doesn't have any feelings for this woman and I believe him. He also said his mother wanted him to try to be with that woman but he just doesn't want to. And he was also worried because he said he didn't have any feelings for her daughter, that he only goes there because he has to.
I wasn't angry when he told me that. I have grown up without having any father figure so I know what it is like to grow up without a father and I don't want this to this innocent girl. Fortunately he has never even tought about that, he said he was going to be there for her. The problem is, the daughter and her mother live in third place. So I see him on the weekends, but not every weekend. It's hard (and yeah, I know that some people see each other couple of times a year so I shouldn't whine) but I understand. The thing I want and have also said to him is that I want to see his daughter, I want also to be part of it. Not like a step mother. I am not thinking so much ahead. I just.. want to feel that I belong to his life. We have been dating for almost 5 months now and he has seen almost all my friends, my mother, my grandmother, my neighbors. I haven't seen anyone from his side. Not a single friend. One reason for that is of course the fact that he always comes here, I have never been to his town because he lives with his mothers friends family.

He is a very closed person, doesn't talk about his thoughts or feelings much. There are many, many things I don't know about him yet. Me on the other hand, I am very open person and I trust people easily. Overall we are very different people. Our taste in music is totally different, I like to travel by hitchhiking and I am kind of a "tree-hugger" (not in a insane way), he is always worried about me and doesn't like that I trust people easily. I understand why - he has experienced much racism here because of his skin tone and eyes. Even though he has always worked and given his part to this community.
Now in two weeks I am going to hitch-hike to South-Europe and he really doesn't like that, but he said he couldn't say anything about a thing I love so much. And I do. It's my passion. He doesn't understand that, but it's alright. We all got our own passions.

He is also extremely polite and a true gentlemen. He always opens doors for me, takes the basket from me when we go to the food store, gives his jacket when I am cold, treats my friends like they were his friends, is always worried about me, doesn't smoke, drinks rarely and little, doesn't spit.
Not that he would do anything I asked him to. He has his own will and when he wants to do something he will do it. That's also a good side, I couldn't be with somebody who would be like a good dog, doing everything I wanted him to.

So, as you can see, he is almost like a perfect man. And we have a good relationship, except.. except my insecurities.

And I don't even know where they come from! I am not naturally a jealous person. Nobody has cheated on me before, I trust people and I want to trust him too. I did, but now I am starting to imagine things. I take a little thing that probably doesn't mean nothing and think it into a huge problem in my head.
For example:
1) The things I talked about - he not including me in his life
2) His past - girls like him and you can see it even looking at his Facebook wall. I even went so far that started checking out his friends in Instagram and see if he had liked their pictures. It's ridiculous! When I understood how insane I was acting, I deleted my Instagram right away.
3) Also another social media ridiculous problem - Facebook. Yes, I do know that Facebook is just a web page, it's not real life. But still it bothers me that he doesn't want any sign of me there. He won't change his relationship status, he doesn't want any pictures with me though he adds pictures with his friends. Yes, go ahead, laugh. I am 20 years old and whining about guy not changing his relationship status in Facebook. But I am just being honest here..
4) Yesterday we were on a bus and somebody sent him a message. He opened the cover and I saw one of his ex ****buddies had sent it. I didn't see what she wrote, he sighed and closed the cover very quickly.
I have nothing against the fact that they are in contact but why cover it up?

And from my insecurities we get to another problem which could destroy our relationship.
Ever since my grandfather died I have been very emotional in sense that I start crying easily. It's not that I wanted people pity me.. it's just how I relieve my stress and believe me, I try to do it in private. I don't want to cry in front of other people. But sometimes it just happens. And it has started happening with him very often. He hates when somebody cries because of him and I can't stop it! I overthink and start crying. Last weekend he didn't come and I was disappointed at first (he didn't go seeing his daughter, he just decided not to come), and then he sent me a message saying: "Before I did things with you because I wanted to. Now I do them out of fear that you'll become sad. This is NOT a goodbye, I just feel trapped..."
I was in panic when I got that message. Yes, I noticed the part "this is NOT a goodbye" but I was sure that this goodbye was coming soon. I cried to whole day, he doesn't know that. In the evening I drank some whiskey to calm down and called him, explaining why I was disappointed. He said that he just wasn't feeling he was a man in this relationship, that before me he had always dated girls who didn't manage alone, who needed them, but I was different, I didn't need him. Actually, he told, he was feeling that I was the one taking care of him not the other way around.
But overall, we talked things out.

The past weekend he was here the whole weekend. I am leaving next friday for three weeks so this coming weekend will be the last I am here. I knew he was going to see his daughter this weekend but I thought he would be there one night and the other here.. turns out it wasn't his plan. He is planning to be there the whole weekend. It was hard for me to hear that because now we are not seeing each other in more than a month.
I know that this travelling is exhausting for him. I told him I would do it myself if I could, in a heartbeat. Then he told me that this is the thing, I am making him feel bad because he understands from that that he doesn't want to see me as much as I want to see him.

Yesterday I sent him to the bus station. I tried so hard to not cry but didn't succeed.. when he was going to step on the bus, he turned around, saw I started crying and I ran away.
I am making everything so dramatic and I hate it.

So, yeah.. I think if a continue this insane behavior I am surely going to lose him. He is not the kind of man who is going to stay just because he is afraid to leave. And that is why I love him. And that is why I have to get my **** together. But how? Please, I really need some help, I am drowning here..

[kit55]

First if he is serious about ur relationship together then HE needs to make some changes in the relationship NOT U. He should be more sympathetic to ur feeling an wht ur going through esp with ur grandfather. U say u haven't met anyone one his side of family bit u only been together a few months an maybe u pushed a little too much family too soon. Meeting ur parents an stuff already...I don't take guys to meet my family unless it's been over a yr..but that jus me lol. Bottom line if he wants u in his life he'd make all the time possible for u to be there esp if u werent going to see each other for over month an if he doesn't make the necessary time then he isn't a proper match for u an u deserve someone who will put that time an effort ur searching for an u'll see that once u find that person.ur young so don't let him stress u out like that it's not how a relationship works they are suppose to make u happy an encourage growth an support not tears an frustration am wondering why he didn't want to see me or why his fux buddy is messaging him an he tried to cover it up..ik prob hurts to hear it an to realize it but in long run u'll be a happier person with someone who wants to make u happy too!

[TablesandChairs]

The thing that struck me is that you say 'MY insecurity'. Sure, some people are chronically insecure; they won't leave the house without a tonne of make-up, they get offended easily, they cry a lot...but then there's very normal, rational insecurity.

I'm not sure what planet you're on but how is her the perfect partner? a) he hasn't introduced you to a single person in his life despite you having introduced him to everyone. b) he didn't mention he had a child for 2 months? Clearly he's no stranger to omitting the truth. Do you actually know what's going on?

You mentioned height a lot and I agree, that's not an issue...but the other stuff sort of is. Don't you think? I'd be surprised if you felt secure given how isolated you are from his life.