Should I be cool with my gf dancing with other guys?

[CompletePimp]

I am 22 and my gf is 25. She's a very relationship type person and so am I. We have been together for 4 months now. We have always been very honest with each other and she has never given me a reason to not trust her.
We both went out clubbing separately last friday - girls/guys night out. (which we don't do often) I didn't dance with any girls because I don't think it would make her feel good. I asked her later if she danced with any guys and she said she did with one who was part of a bigger group they were hanging out with. I asked her if she was grinding up on him and she said it wasn't anything like that at all and that it was more of a 'dance off'. That there was no sexual connotation to it or any touching of that kind. But if there was no sexual connotation I just don't understand what the benefit is of dancing with a complete stranger of the opposite sex is as opposed to just your friends then?
Am I overreacting? She said that she wouldn't care if I danced with other girls but it just doesn't feel right to me. And even though I do believe her I just am bugged by the image of her dancing with another guy even though it's not 'grinding' or sexual. I didn't ask her to not do it because I don't feel it's right to try to control her, especially if she said it's okay if I do the same. And she said she didn't want me to be upset about this because it's absolutely not a big deal. What should I do?

[damn2008]

This is always a tough issue. I've been in a similar situation as you have and I did the SAME THING in which I respected my girlfriend and didn't dance with ANY girls. Yet I've had my g/f at the time dance with guys (even friends)...it is certainly a respect thing.

You have to look at it differently too, most girls who have b/fs go out in groups and they all dance around and then most guys with g/fs (that I know) play the whole respect thing and stand in the corner. It's a normal "girls night out" thing. Maybe you should just let her know if makes you very uncomfortable and you respect your relationship to such lengths that you won't dance with other girls (some girls take advantage of this). As long as her friends look out for her and she ISN'T the one seeking out some dude to dance with, then you should be 'ok'. Yet I would still discuss your concerns with her.

If she does this IN FRONT OF YOU...then its a whole other story.

[Cain]

If she's not grinding on the guy or even touching him, why does it matter? That's being a little too insecure and jealous in my opinion.

[Kromat]

There are lots of women that go to my dance class alone, because their guys are too scared or aren't willing to learn.
I sometimes fill in and help them out, but it doesn't mean like I'm going to steal them away from someone else.....
If you trust the person, and you know how they truly are, it wouldn't bother you as much.
If she happens to get laid with a complete stranger or he takes advantage of her, then
just dancing, then you have a reason to doubt what she is telling you, is true.

[kitty001]

I can see where you're coming from..if my boyfriend went out and danced with other girls, that would make me uncomfortable. Im a bit too jealous, which is one of my flaws. If it makes you uncomfortable, you should talk to her more about it. Everyone has their own boundaries when it comes to what they need to feel secure and respected in a relationship.
And personally, because I have a boyfriend, I feel no desire to go out and dance with other men..I dont see the point of it, really, unless i was looking for some sort of ego boost.
But then again, im only 19, not much of a clubber, and probably wont ever be. It just isn't my thing.

[Cain]

I don't see the problem with two people dancing when there's not even any touching. She said they were having a dance off. They could have been ten feet away from each other.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

If you believed her when she said it was just a dance off then you wouldnt have been upset. If she were grinding on him then yea I'd understand but if they werent really grinding its not that big a deal. I was dating this guy and I left to go off island to a football game for our school. When I came back, he had told me about a jam(dance)we had in school. I asked him if he danced with any girls. He said he danced with one girl,and I had instantly got upset because the way we dance down here...lets just say it aint no toe to toe two step. So I had gotten mad at him for dancing with the girl. I was mad at the fact that he lacked so much respect for me that he felt nothing was wrong with gyrating(called wukin up where Im from) on another girl.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Oh and with a name like CompletePimp, why does it matter? lol

[CompletePimp]

Oh and with a name like CompletePimp, why does it matter? lol

LOLS I just joined these forums and its the second time someone mentioned that haha. I guess this SN isn't the best for a love\relationship forum But's its always such a great SN thats never taken anywhere!

But anyway, yeah it's not that I don't trust her it's just that I don't like the image of it. I don't even like thinking about guys hitting on her, even though I know she'd say no just the fact that other dudes try to front bugs me. So it's not a trust issue or that I don't believe her. It's just situational. It's kind of the same thing as anytime I bring up my sexual past she freaks out because she doesn't like thinking about me having sex with anyone else, even though it was in the past before we met. Sure dancing isn't sex but to me it's something thats going on WHILE we are together. So it's just all situational for me.

[Cain]

LOLS I just joined these forums and its the second time someone mentioned that haha. I guess this SN isn't the best for a loverelationship forum But's its always such a great SN thats never taken anywhere!

But anyway, yeah it's not that I don't trust her it's just that I don't like the image of it. I don't even like thinking about guys hitting on her, even though I know she'd say no just the fact that other dudes try to front bugs me. So it's not a trust issue or that I don't believe her. It's just situational. It's kind of the same thing as anytime I bring up my sexual past she freaks out because she doesn't like thinking about me having sex with anyone else, even though it was in the past before we met. Sure dancing isn't sex but to me it's something thats going on WHILE we are together. So it's just all situational for me.

Is she allowed to talk to the waiter at the restaurant? Sheesh.

[CompletePimp]

Oh and with a name like CompletePimp, why does it matter? lol

Is she allowed to talk to the waiter at the restaurant? Sheesh.

Don't be an ass. I said I'm not being possessive as I did not tell her to stop doing it. Infact I told her that I do not want to tell her what to do because that's pointless and controlling of me. I just want her to know it makes me uncomfortable and I did.

Infact she is flying out to see her mom this weekend and I'm going out with my buddies to a club - and I think I'm going to dance with a few girls there and to see how much really it matters to me. Because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't care for them at all and still be thinking of her. Maybe this way I can loosen up about the whole dancing with other people idea so it wouldn't bother me anymore if she does it. Cuz it seems that obviously if I'm so strict on myself about it I would have a hard time dealing with her doing it. Cuz I'm not here to stop her doing what she wants but I want to put myself in a mindset where I won't be trippin about it.

[shh!]

This should only be a problem if you don't trust her. Do you trust her? Should you trust her?

Dancing is great exercise, and lots of fun. I wouldn't expect her to sit in a chair all night just because she is out without you. If you want her to avoid dancing with other men, go take some lessons together and get really good. Then she will be frustrated if she dances with anyone else.

[CompletePimp]

This should only be a problem if you don't trust her. Do you trust her? Should you trust her?

Dancing is great exercise, and lots of fun. I wouldn't expect her to sit in a chair all night just because she is out without you. If you want her to avoid dancing with other men, go take some lessons together and get really good. Then she will be frustrated if she dances with anyone else.

No I can dance just fine. She wanted to do a girls night out and I wanted to do a guys night out. We typically go out to clubs together, yes.

And yes she is trustworthy. She has never given me a reason not to trust her. When we met she didn't want a relationship in general but said that I am everything she has ever looked for in a mate, and that if it wasn't for me she would never have been seeking a relationship. And right now if I wasn't in the picture she wouldn't be out seeking anyone. And I know she is telling the truth. This is why I do trust her and the problem isn't in trust it's situational as I described in my earlier post.

[1averagejoe]

You are being a bit insecure and jealous. I'll admit and say that I would feel the same way in your position. She has not given you a reason not to trust her. But I would not be upset at her as long as there is no grinding. Even though I don't consider grinding dancing. It's more like dry humping.

The most I would say is that you felt a bit odd about it, but you're ok with her dancing with other guys, that she did nothing wrong. But even still telling her might bring up problems.

[all alone]

your overreacting, plain and simple.