Please Help, I have little to no social skills

[alpha142]

I’m an extremely shy person with a few questions that needs help. Ill go in to a lot of detail about my situation hoping I’ll get some good feedback.

I’m 22 and extremely shy around people especially girls, Its hard for me to engage in a conversation with people and on very rare occasions if a girl my age happens to say something to me, I get nervous / grateful that they would talk to me. I used to be much worse and had really low self esteem but I have gotten a little better over the last year and a half. My self esteem was always poor because I was overweight (about 195 in high school), but It was really bad starting in collage because I became obese and weighed around 225 pounds, but over the last year and a half I lost 45 pounds and have gotten over my depression and for the most part my poor self image. I also volunteered for a few months at a place where I called people to help my self be less nervous talking to people.

Now ill go over my history with women.
In middle school I was picked on a lot because I had trouble talking to other kids and kept to my self and eventually I was transferred out of PE to do various tasks around the library, which made me feel kind of nerdish. While working in the library I noticed that there was a girl who in one of my classes who was always there doing homework. She was very pretty, and I assumed at the time that she also might have been picked on, and was transferred to the library, because kids were either in PE or music at that hour of the day. I felt sorry for her and developed a big for her, but only got up the nerve to talk to her twice in middle school. In high school she was in a ton of my classes and I was always terrified of talking to her. She turned out to be kind of popular in high school and was on the dance team. (Question #1) I never knew if she knew that I liked her, she saw me look at her a few times, when I was trying to look like I wasn’t. Do think she did?
Around the time I had almost gathered enough courage to tell her I liked her I noticed she had a boyfriend. So I put off telling her for a long while and was almost able to tell her I liked her but I froze up when I walked up to her while waiting for one of our classes to start and just ended up with an awkward moment. After high school she moved out of state for collage and I went to the state one here.

I found out she had a Facebook page and felt bad when ever I looked at it because I was worried that I was doing something unethical/creepy. (Question #2) I have always been very afraid of being perceived as a creepy person/ stalker, ( I avoided getting coffee one day last year because I noticed there was a girl there, that was part of the same semester long group I was in from a class the previous semester). Any advice here would also be helpful.

I apologize for being all over the place with my story and It being so long.

Well I finally decided last fall to finally send her a message over Facebook, which is 3 years after we graduated high school. The message basically said “Hi sorry to send this to you out of the blue, but I felt I owe you an apology, I had a crush on you and I always acted more awkward then I usually do when I was around you, Im sorry for any grief I might have caused you, I’m not expecting any particular response to this, I just hope it isn’t too awkward. Hope you are doing well.” (Question 3) How stupid was I to write this? And I was actually hoping for a response good or bad but never got one, should I have expected that she would send nothing back or should she have sent me something?

Recently last year I was able to somewhat make friends with a few girls for the first time and is about the only time I have I have talked to the opposite gender a little bit. One I met on Facebook that was a friend of a friend I randomly added because at the time most of my few friends from high school had moved away. The other 2 were in my class last year and they talked to me a little bit and to stay in contact with them I also added them as friends on Facebook. (Final Question) What would be my best option for forming a romantic relationship? Should I try talking to one of the three girls I made as friends, all three of these girls are attractive, If so Im worried I might loose them as friends? Should I try sending another message to that girl I had a crush on for 9 years? Or should I try asking a random girl out, and if so would any girl being willing to be asked out by a random person? If I should ask a random girl out can I get some advice on how to ask without making a big fool of myself.

Finally any advice you give me would be much appreciated but please try to keep in mind that although Im 22 and pretty intelligent, I have the social skills of a young teen

Thanks for reading this and any advice you might have

[Pectabyte]

A rule of thumb I live by is that Mother Nature is perfect. If your genes aren't designed to perpetuate then you wont. Sounds like your on her list.

BTW You put yourself there by letting whatever BS that happened in middle school or high school be a reason for you to be a wimp now...

[alpha142]

In my defense, I realize I dug myself a hole, and am trying to get out of it. I mentioned that by the time I started collage I was Fat and feeling sorry for myself and I have fixed that, now I’m asking for advice on this forum, on where to go next because I don’t have anyone else to ask.

[Lonely Island]

I used to be in the same boat as you. In high school, I didn't talk to girls because I was too shy and my self esteem was too low. But after I graduated, I got a job unloading trucks part time while I was in college. At work I made some friends (none were females), who invited me over to their house to drink and play pool. I went every now and then and they would try to hook me up with girls...which never worked because I would get too nervous and never call them...but after multiple failed attempts, I started learning from my mistakes...

Then last year, I gained enough courage to start talking to girls...

Last december I started dating this girl I worked with and we were really close...until recently.....she broke up with me
But now im back on the search for the "perfect" female...with the wind at my back, I feel like I have nothing to lose


Not sure if my post is really going to help you...

But, if all else fails....go to clubs/bars....because drinking helps you socialize more....just dont look like a dumbass doing it

[somethingelse]

question 1) you never know. she might have but at the same time she might not have.
question 2) all i got to say is relaxe. you're way over thinking everything. i do it too. I bad at over not thinking things. Just be yourself and stop worrying. i know easier said then done. but you'll be fine.
question 3) i think she should have sent you something but i think you might have scared her off. the thing about the crush it may have been alittle over the top but i dont know. it wasnt stupid to facebook her. nor was it stoking
final question) All i got to say is be youself. dont send anyother message to the girl. let the past be the pass. sometimes it's best to just move on.
go ahead ask one of the new girls if you want. you may want to think about your friendship first but do over think it.
some girls are fine being asked out by a random person. as a girl, I perfer to at less know the guy a little before being asked out. i would like to have at least talk to him alittle before being asked out. i like more then a 'hi will you go out with me' but thats just me.
if you choose to ask out a random girl try talking with her first. get to know her alittle.

either way dont push yourself. you'll fine love when you fine it so relaxe. soical skill come with time you just have to put youself out there.

[fhbob]

Have a drink occasionally dude, do you ever go to social gatherings ie parties, nightclubs, friends houses? If so just have a drink when your there, its what really helped me. I was and still sorta am shy as hell around women, but If you just do a few shots the shyness disappears lol.

Now I'm not saying that drinking is the end-all be-all solution but it can help you loosen up for the 1st time when meeting people.

[Disillusioned]

Face a desperate life and death situation. You'll be forced to acknowledge your humanity and abilities in spite of your confidence. Nothing helps you grow a pair like necessity.

[Sixpacj]

Go and fail a lot! Go and freak girls out a lot. I guarantee, you WILL learn. Approach women and men, start conversations with random strangers, like ask for time, etc.

And then you will start noticing enery time you fail, you fail better. Till one day you realise you're a total pimp and all the men around you envy you.

Thin-slice your progress. Make it a goal to approach one new stranger a day, whether a woman or a man. Build up you skills slowly...

[Gigabitch]

Also, try to strike up conversations with women you DON'T find attractive, just for practice. I'm talking about grocery clerks, receptionists, etc. When you're standing in line buying your porn, Kleenex and hand lotion, ask the clerk how she's doing today.

You can also meet people by volunteering for community service stuff, like "clean up the park day" or whatever. Some of those people will be girls. Talk to them.

And forget meeting people on Facebook. That's not the real world.