How important is closure? I will share my story and hopefully get some insight..before reading I must start by telling you that this break-up happened a year and a half ago. Yep, you read that right.....
First a little about my relationship history.....I stick with the safe guy....noting extrordinary or exciting...just average. I have a history of staying away from anyone I feel to strongly about because I like to be the one in control...in other words all my guys are CRAZY about me but I just feel luke warm about them. Don't get me wrong, I love them....in my own way....I just don't have as much at stake as they do. I know, it sounds horrible but I can't help it, it's just me. I honestly didn't believe in for real, head over heals, movie type LOVE.
A few years ago I bumped in to an old guy friend from High School. I remember thinking him as a very sweet guy but not boyfriend material (in high school lol.) We became fast friends....emailing, texting and talking everyday. We had so much in common and instantly I was totally at ease with him. I knew right away that this experience would change my life forever...that's how much of an impact he had on me. It was like finally seeing in color when all I ever knew was black and white. We started hanging out a lot, staying up all night talking, watching movies or listening to music....it eventually became a friends with benifits type of situation. I stayed away from meeting his kids for a long time because I didn't want to get attached to them. I love kids, so when they were at his house I would only come over after they were already sleeping. One night his daugter woke up and came down stairs, I was hooked lol. I became extremely close to them in a very short amount of time....HUGE mistake, I know. Things seemed to be going well, we were very cautious but moving steadily. A few months later he asked if I wanted to meet his parents.....everything seemed perfect.
About 2 weeks after I met his parents something went horribly wrong. We made a plan to see the new Harry Potter movie that was about to come out but first we wanted to watch all the others. So we made plans to have a little movie marathon. We watched the first three in one night and then had plans to watch the other two a few days later. That day he texted me at around 1:00 "Ready for our Harry Potter marathon?" He was supposed to come over around 8:00...at 9:00 I got a text that said he was not coming. I asked why and he replied that he was at the bar with his friends and he just didnt feel like it. I told him that I thought that was kind of rude since we already had plans. He responded and said please don't make him feel guilty, he just didn't know what he wanted. This was way out of left field since he had never once gave an indication that he was unsure about us. I asked him what he was talking about but he never answered. I tried emailing him asking for an explination but have not heard from him since. Sadly I broke the no contact rule a few times but only for answers.
So my dilema.....I don't want him back, I am 100% sure that if he came knocking at my door today wanting to get back together I would have none of it. I will NEVER be hurt like that again. I do want answers though, I feel like I can't close that chapter in my life without them. My thoughts are never far from him and he still shows up in most of my dreams. I don't imagine us getting back together but of telling him how much he hurt me. I feel like it is so important for him to tell me what happened that i obsess about it. At least have the humanity to respond, even if it is to say "stop contacting me" or "f***-off psycho." I would rather have that than nothing (to clarify...it has been well over a year since I last emailed him, I know now he will never respond.) I just can't figure out how someone could one day be like "Go ahead, fall in love with my children." "Come meet my parents." and then the next "Have a great life, maybe I'll see ya around." It just doesn't make sense.
So......again, is closure that important? Why can't I just let it go?