Am I Doing Something Wrong?

[torgo]

Okay, before I get into my question, a brief history of my romantic life:

I seem to have started rather late. I never even had a crush through all of middle school or the first 2 years of high school. It took an unusual event to sort of jolt me into allowing myself to think and feel in that way - I met up with a girl I'd known literally since I was born after not seeing her for 4 years but keeping in touch - I think the combination of already knowing her and suddenly seeing her... development... jolted me into being able to feel for her.

Senior year, something great happened. I was in a bunch of classes with a girl I'd known a few years and we ended up spending a lot of time together. Looking back I'd been slightly attracted to her almost since the summer, but I didn't really realize or admit it to myself until November or so. We actually talked about romance in general a few times, and then one day I just blurted it out to her out of the blue that I liked her and didn't know what to do about it. Her response? She hugged me. And said she was surprised I didn't know she felt the same way. We were together for 2.5 months. I gave her my first kiss, and she gave me so much. I'll never forget my first relationship..

Now, I'm a freshman in college. I'm finding myself attracted to a girl a floor above me in my dorm. We actually hang out a lot, and she likes doing things with me. However, she has never been attracted to anyone and has no feelings for me or anyone else, and when I told her I was becoming attracted it didn't change her attitude or behavior, not even for the worse. I've come to the conclusion that she's a lost cause, but I still have feelings for her. I'm trying to keep my eyes and mind open, meeting more people and everything. No such luck yet.

Does the fact that in my entire 18.7 year life I've only ever been attracted strongly to 3 people seem odd to anyone here? Am I just not letting myself think along those lines with people I've met still? Also, I'm afraid I have to say it seems that the only way I know to let someone know I'm attracted to them is to blurt it out of the blue. It worked once... but I can't say it sounds like the best way to go about things.

[vashti]

Does the fact that in my entire 18.7 year life I've only ever been attracted strongly to 3 people seem odd to anyone here?

You are only 18. You are well within the normal range. Besides, I think a large number of teenagers just exaggerate their interest in someone just so they can be "attached" and feel more grown up.

Just out of curiosity, when did you hit puberty? Were you a "late bloomer"?

Also, I'm afraid I have to say it seems that the only way I know to let someone know I'm attracted to them is to blurt it out of the blue. It worked once... but I can't say it sounds like the best way to go about things.

You'll get more experience with this as you get older and work on your technique.

[torgo]

I was just about right on time, puberty-wise. There were a few people I knew who were speeding ahead and a few people who were a year or two behind me but I was right about average. There were people though who were having relationships and being attracted to each other long before I had anything like that happen (I happen to know that the girl who was my girlfriend had an at least somewhat meaningful relationship her freshman year). I seem to have lagged emotionally and in no other way. I have no idea if it was just me waiting until I felt something REAL, if it was just a variation in the way I matured, or if it were some kind of mental block. I think it was at least part mental block... but I don't know.

I certainly HOPE my technique improves... it leaves a lot to be desired right now.

[Illusional]

damn.. i don't even need to read your post and i can tell that you're too technical. first, 18.whatevers is still under the age of 19. secondly, so you've only loved 3 people.. keep in mind that love surrounds everyone is different amounts so you're no different than my playboy himself nor are you different than the bum on the side of your street.

raverboy

[torgo]

I definitely didn't love girl #1 or the current one, that takes a bit more I think. I'm even a bit hesitant to call what my girlfriend and I had love... but thats another argument. My main thing is I find I am attracted to very few people compared to many of my friends. This is the sum total of the people I have had any feelings for, with the possible exception of one or two other little tiny stirrings. I guess I am being a little overly angsty. I just wish I had more opportunities I guess.

[vashti]

So you are more particular. I think that is a GOOD quality. This means you won't settle for riff-raff.

[Kromat]

maybe do the reverse & let them expreSS their Feelings first, then try to give emotion to what they are Feeling.

[Gigabitch]

I was attracted, for real, to two guys before I was 19. I don't think this is weird in the least, and I totally understand the social pressure to come up with a "list" of options, even if you didn't feel it.

I must say, though that the claim that this girl makes, to have never been attracted to anyone, to be a bit thin. I don't believe it. Do you?

[torgo]

maybe do the reverse & let them expreSS their Feelings first, then try to give emotion to what they are Feeling.

I'd love to consider girls who have feelings for me. But the only person I've ever known to express feelings for me is my ex (she kind of expressed a bit before I did my blurt... I mostly chalked up what she did and said to being the awesome person she was and still is but I had a FEW suspicions that encouraged my own expression). I don't know if she's just the only one, or if I haven't picked up on things from others.

I must say, though that the claim that this girl makes, to have never been attracted to anyone, to be a bit thin. I don't believe it. Do you?

Honestly I do. In her case I think it could be a bit of a mental block. She's told me she was rather antisocial until somewhat recently and I suspect she just might not be allowing herself to think of people in that way or something. I'm having trouble articulating the exact reasons for this or the details of it.

What really gets me though is when I told her how I was feeling she didn't think much of it at all, good or bad. She just calmly said that while she was flattered and likes doing stuff with me, shes not liked anyone and isn't looking for anything. You'd almost EXPECT some awkwardness from her after that... but there's been none. Its ODD.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement/telling me I'm not odd. I can get a little angsty at times i suppose.

[torgo]

Update:

Well, it came up in conversation again with the girl in my dorm a few days ago. One main important series of things was said. I basically told her I needed to hear it from her if I don't have a chance, so I can know. Confusingly she said that I might have a chance if I waited a long time cause she "isn't ready for anything like that yet"... I asked her if that meant there was anything on her end for me and she said no, no feelings. So I told her if she ever becomes ready, to keep me in mind.

That encounter actually managed to end on a friendly note. Today, she asked me out of the blue if I was okay. She was concerned she'd hurt me badly or that I was feeling awkward. This is the first time she's brought anything up about things. We talked for just a little, same basic deal. Interspersed with this is our normal hanging out.

Sigh... I know i need to keep my mind open to others, but she's the only person I've met at college that I feel anything for. Its an annoying situation. I'm definitely looking and meeting more people in my classes and around. I just wish things were different.

[Only-virgins]

People are attracted to hundreds of people all the time....but everyone has only a few infatuations/love feelings in their life time..most of them can be counted on one hand. I really hope I am not done counting. I had about 3 of those and I am 25. So if that is what you are talking about than you are fine.

[torgo]

Sort of, I guess. When I talk about having feelings for someone, I don't mean thinking they're attractive/hot/whatever or noticing them or such smaller attractions, I don't think let those things have a huge effect on me. I mean the feeling you get when you get to know someone and feel good being around them and want to get close with them, the more romantic type of feeling i guess... bletch its hard to explain. I suppose infatuation is the right word.

[Only-virgins]

Sort of, I guess. When I talk about having feelings for someone, I don't mean thinking they're attractive/hot/whatever or noticing them or such smaller attractions, I don't think let those things have a huge effect on me. I mean the feeling you get when you get to know someone and feel good being around them and want to get close with them, the more romantic type of feeling i guess... bletch its hard to explain. I suppose infatuation is the right word.

Infatuation/love has nothing to do with getting to know someone though. You can love and be infatuated with someone even if you have never talked to them. What you are talking about is getting attached to someone slowly by sharing experiences with them. I have had 0 of that in my life and I am 25. Couldn't care less either to tell you the truth unless the other feeling comes first.

[Thatguy92790]

I'm currently a junior in highschool, and last summer I found myself liking a girl. To this day(Almost a year later) I'm still in love with her. I can't talk to any other girl because I don't feel the same. I've really convinced myself that I love her, but sadly she doesn't love me, and told me she just wants to be friends. I'm trying to move on. I'm putting myself back on the field.

Anyways to get to the point. I don't think you are behind. I've only "loved" one girl in my life. Who knows though.