Is it ok to be friends with your ex?

[MaidenMinx]

My best friend is newly single again. The guy who broke up with her essentially did so because her ex hit on her. She has always maintained friendships with her ex's and this is the second guy in a row to have a problem with this.

So I am curious, is a single girl being friends with her ex boyfriends off putting to you? Most of her exes are still single and she still has a reasonable amount of contact with them. She has acknowledged in the past that some of her ideas of how relationships work are naive at best and I just don't want to see her go through this again. If this is something she can change to prevent arguments with a future partner I think she'd be willing to do that.

So guys, is my friend living in a dream world where she can maintain friendships with exes AND have a happily ever after with a new guy or could this be a reality for her?

[DannyH]

Most of the time no. The whole idea of having somebody that your girl was intimate with in her life can be very very off-putting. The question is though are they hanging around her because they are just friends or do they have still have feelings for her. Now if they are actually just friends and have no feelings then it isn't as bad but in all reality it doesn't happen that way to often.

So yeah she is pretty much living a dream.

[leoben]

She knows how relationships work, just enjoys the attention the ex gives her and wants to have her cake and eat it too. If you want a healthy relationship with a new guy you have to get rid of any ex situation where there's sexual feelings on either end.

[HeartIsAching]

I've never had a problem with it. My wife was actually introduced to me by my ex many years ago. Actually, that same ex and I shared a house for a while after we split up and we both started dating again... some of the phone conversations there were hilarious:

*ring ring*

Me: "Hello?"

"Uhhhh.... is Sharon there?"

Me: "Sure. Let me get her for you."

Sharon: "No, it's ok. No, really it's ok. Seriously, it's ok"

Me: "Want me to talk to him?" *pause* " Dude, it's ok, I really don't care. Here's Sharon again."

[Boisdevie]

I'm kind of friends with my ex-wife in the sense that we have a good working relationship - but that's because we have children. I have NEVER been friends with an ex apart from that - after all, what is the point?

[Wakeup]

Does your friend suffer from "fear of abandonment?" I'm thinking nothing good usually comes from keeping lovers as friends.

We are posessory creatures and most men and women will NOT appreciate you keeping people you used to screw in your active life, particularily if it's ALL the men/women you used to bop...

In this day and age of rampant "friends with bennies" and "it was just sex" mentalities of many most who have had a FWB or been one... wouldn't trust them around your SO.

Whats wrong with her that she can't let go?

[oldskool83]

i like to not have contact with ex's once its done. easyer to move on. i wish i could say that with my current ex but i cant. we had a busneuss together and everything slowly getting fixed an tranfered all to her. im basicly at the point where i only need to collect my $130 a week from her and all ties will be finaly broke by 7-31-11. i gave a final notice for her to be out. i cant mess with somone proseccion career so i had to be friendly with her basicly, but not a friend for the time being. keep as little contact as possible.

[DarkHelmet82]

i dont think its possible.. i really dont.. when people say they want to be friends they are full of shit

[surfhb]

My ex wife of 12 years is still a good friend. She even gives me relationship advice. Were weird though

[Wakeup]

My ex wife of 12 years is still a good friend. She even gives me relationship advice. Were weird though

I think if it's the mother of your children or a spouse than that's different then having a harem of past boinkers as your circle of friends. Not sure why it's different... Something to do with actually being friends with someone you've been with in a committed long term thing that just didn't work out for ever and you've distanced yourselves romantically vs some guy/girl one screwed for a bit and then moved on to someone new. Besides her ex "hit on her." That means there's still a sexual tension that I suspect isn't there anymore with you and your ex wife.

Just thinking out loud

[MaidenMinx]

Just wanted to point out while she is still on speaking terms with casual flings the ex's that have caused the tension have been 2 years + each.

It's isn't that she can't let go, she has a problem with people disliking her. She is aware of this and working on it... slowly.

[Wakeup]

It's isn't that she can't let go, she has a problem with people disliking her. She is aware of this and working on it... slowly.

then that would be the reason why she can't let go, I guess.

Glad to hear she's working on it. I think untill she has it beat and can let past lovers go, she is nearly always going to have a problem keeping them (the past lovesr as friends) and keeping a loving partner as well.

[brittanywaters1]

there is no point in being friends with a ex, its over.

[ctr916]

It used to be; but now I know it is my problem. I don't try to cramp a girl's style if I can help it, anymore. And, since I don't believe in double standards, a girl can never have too many (boy) friends either.