Cute girl at work.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Having a problem here. Ok so there's this new girl at work. She's really nice and has a good sense of humor and is open minded so she's really fun to work with. Only problem is she likes me. She flirts quite a bit and always wants to talk to me, tell me secrets or just be around me. It's not that I don't like her, she's extremely cute and a great person. I just don't know if that's something I want anymore. I mean I just came from a relationship where I was ready to marry Kendell and now that's over, I don't think I'm ready to move on to anything else, now or maybe ever. It's not that I'm not letting go, I've accepted the fact of what happened with Kendell and I'm not clinging onto that, nor am I still in my mourning period. I'm perfectly back to normal and almost 100% happy again. I just don't know if I really ever want to try the field again. The more I think about being close to a woman (physically or emotionally) again the less I want it. I'm not turning gay either, I still hate guys, I just can't see myself letting anyone into my heart again. Right now it looks like celibacy is the only option left. Does anyone know at all what I'm feeling? Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to feel better? Or maybe how to snap back and want to get back into the game? Someone told me the other day, "Don't you think you've come too far to give up now?" And the more I think about the more I think the answer is no. I've come a long way in life, but in relationships I'm right back where it starts.

[Killerbabe]

Ah...how very familiar. Recalling back last year I see myself in your shoes. Yes, you're right after a very serious intimate relationship whch never worked out, even the thought of getting into another one is quite repulsive. Personally I felt like I'd stay single for a V-E-E-E-E-E-RY long time if not end up in a cluster, although I was over with the doleful-sorrowful-mourning period.

However.

There was this new guy at school and he was really cute and funny and seemed very ineterested in me. I kinda liked him too, but was very sarcastic about him, telling everyone that "no way, not this guy, he's a player...and stuck-up" just cause I thought I'd never be able to open up to someone else again (well, at least in the next few years)...

However our intense, mutual attraction could not stop me from entering into another relationship. And I'm glad it didn't.

Take one step at a time: you don't have to open up and tell her your tragic lifestory right away. Take your time to get to know her, don't hurry with jumping head first into anotherrelationship again. try casual dating...be careful with self-revealing. Have fun! Sooner than you know it, you'll like her (or someone) else so much, you'll come to a point where you'll want to share your inner world, or at least let her take quick glimpses.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

{sigh} I can't imagine ever wanting that again. I've fallen in love twice only to hit the bottom alone. I won't do that a third time. The falling in love part I like, but when the world stop spinning I need for that person to still be there. I don't think I'm going to date her, I don't even want to start anything with that potential result involved.

[foxylady]

Don't force it if you don't feel you can't go through this right now. I think this is the right time to focus on yourself, try new things, learn something new. Just be happy with who and what you are. Let that girl know that you would not mind having her just as a friend. That will take pressure off both of you. A new love will find you again, no telling when, but you'll be surprised, and you'll be ready for it. For now, just take life for what it is and enjoy it.

[Illusional]

i think that you shouldn't shut the world off completely. you don't have to flirt back with this girl, but remember that flirting with her won't lead anything anything serious. i flirt with a lot of my friends, yet i don't want to develop anything more than a friendship. sometimes we just need the flirtatious comfort of a girl to help relax. raverboy

[Killerbabe]

Poor Zekky (no offence)

It must be pretty tiring when everyone's just bombarding you with very useful advices, yet you have no faith in thier effectiveness... we all become cynical and skeptical after our hopes are heartlessly stomped to the ground. I guess you're in that weird period when you're over with the grieving period, yet you just don't see the light. Feel a little useless and a little bit out of place. Don't even feel like anything, just wanna fall asleep and wake up somewhere around better times. Feel like just crawling uder the bed and never come out. Right?

Unfortunately, you have to get through. Have to live you know. (I'm not talking suicidal material here)

Basically, all you can do is just wait...and help yourself a little. Try following some of our advice, even if it seems useless to you - what's there to lose?

[Illusional]

this is the post that i was mentioning reguarding flirting. i have to agree with killer, just be patient and time will pass, you'll soon find yourself in a better place. raverboy

[Zekk_T_Strife]

I think this is the weirdest thing. Last night I felt something and it really made me smile. I'm not really a happy person right now. I've felt better and I know what complete happiness feels like. Yet it feels like now I don't even want THAT. It's moved on from just finding a girl, it's like I realized while I was mourning that I'm really more comfortable with being unhappy than with being happy because I'm more used to it and I know how it's supposed to feel. Last night I felt more alone than I have in months, and it made me smile. I really do think that I'm trying to become 100% selfless now.

[Killerbabe]

Damn boy, you're starting to scare me. We're losing ya, come back!! Like I said, it'll pass. Every end leads to a start and genuine happiness is different for everyone. remember all the good thing in your life - all those little (even material) things makes you happy. Personally I become happy just by staring at pink stuff, you know all the cute little pink stuff makes me happy. Even food makes me happy. Don't you like that new shirt, or that fettucini alfredo you just had? Don't you think pizza has a potential to make you happy (for a moment at least)? Learn to enjoy the little things in your life.

I hope I don't sound like a damn hippie

[Zekk_T_Strife]

And I do, there's little I love more than opening up a new video game I just got, or unpacking new DVDs that I ordered, or listening to a new trance song I haven't heard before. But I thought up something new tonight, something that may be the answer to it all. I don't want to fall in love again, I don't want a girlfriend, I don't want to even date anyone. Never again. I've tried that road and although I don't know everything, I know enough to know it's not for me. I tried being a romantic but not only did I fail, I don't even want someone anymore. I thought of something that really made me happy, and I'm still smiling. I thought about a future without finding a woman and adopting a little girl. Just thinking about living alone with a daughter makes my heart swell, like I know it's my destiny. I dunno what's going on in me. Who knows, I may snap back and start looking for a girl again, but for now I'm happy of just thinking of raising a daughter.