Engaged and don't know what to do to keep it together

[Clark_Ken7]

I'm engaged to a beautiful woman and it's been about a month now since our engagement.
She hasn't posted any photos of the ring on any of her social networks nor has she called or texted anyone the news. I'm pretty sad about it, knowing any other woman would be excited and sharing the news with everyone. I've posted it on my social networks the second she said yes.

Our situation isn't easy. I live in San Diego and she lives in San Jose. She wants to move out here but she has a 5-year old autistic boy and she was never married to the father.

She told the boy's father, Tom, that she plans to move to San Diego with their son. Of course he isn't happy and then serves her with court papers for custody and for the court to forbid her from leaving northern California.

They are asked to go to mediation soon, to see if they can discuss and solve any issues to avoid court.

Honestly, from what it sounds like, the father may win. He doesn't pay for child support, only food. He BSed on his declaration saying he provided 100% for his son. He refuses to buy him pajamas as requested by the mother, so I ended up buying him five new pairs of pjs.

Now, I get a text from her this morning saying she doesn't see herself moving out to San Diego. She wants her son to see his father.

I've been so lost in thought about what to do. Her mother asked if I was willing to move out there to northern California. I told her if I can find a job that pays what I get now and more. I'm a senior digital designer for a Fortune 500 company that doesn't have an office in Northern California, but in other countries.

Right now we're not on speaking terms, she wanted her space and time to think about everything.

I don't know what to do. I hate this feeling of not knowing what she is thinking.

[HeartIsAching]

Why can't you move to San Joser? Plenty of job opportunities there. I lived there for 10+ years, it's not bad. The weather's not as nice as Sandy Eggo, though.

[Clark_Ken7]

I've been looking for jobs with no luck. I've been searching everywhere and asking everyone as well.

She really wants to move down here but is afraid it won't happen when they go into mediation, which could escalate going to court.

She is also afraid her son may get upset at her for moving away from his father.

She says she doesn't know what to do in regards to our relationship and what we have.

[smackie9]

It's a no brainer that she might have to decline your proposal for marriage. She isn't going to announce anything until this mess is straightened out. If she can't leave the state, you are just going to have to buckle down and find a job, even if it pays less. Making sacrifices is just part of being in a relationship/marriage.

[smackie9]

Another poster asked about dating someone that had an autisic little brother, and what would be the future implications be if they decide to marry. Very smart question.

Maybe you should have asked yourself the samething before getting too involved with a women that is sharing custody with her ex.....just my two cents.

[Clark_Ken7]

Honestly, her son and I get along just fine. He actually asked my fiancee if it was okay if I came to visit!!

I spent two weeks with her and her son for the holidays and we all had a great time. We took him out to the comic book shop, the mall and to the park. He would grab my hand and his mother's hand and we would walk together.

I knew she has an autistic son and we both knew it wouldn't be an easy relationship, with the distance and the fact that the father is a douchebag who doesn't provide.

After my fiancee told Tom, the father, that she planned to move to San Diego, he paniced and got a lawyer. For as long as she known him, he was living rent free in his mom's trailer. Now he promised her that he can rent a three-bedroom apartment and when he finally got an apartment a few weeks ago, what did he call it? A" one bedroom studio". She goes there to pick up her son and it's a studio with a bed in the living room.

[Manager32]

A lot of companies will allow employees to live and work remotely under certain circumstances. The type of work you do would certainly allow for it. If you haven't asked your current employer about this, it might be worth a try.

[smackie9]

Honestly, her son and I get along just fine. He actually asked my fiancee if it was okay if I came to visit!!

I spent two weeks with her and her son for the holidays and we all had a great time. We took him out to the comic book shop, the mall and to the park. He would grab my hand and his mother's hand and we would walk together.

I knew she has an autistic son and we both knew it wouldn't be an easy relationship, with the distance and the fact that the father is a douchebag who doesn't provide.

After my fiancee told Tom, the father, that she planned to move to San Diego, he paniced and got a lawyer. For as long as she known him, he was living rent free in his mom's trailer. Now he promised her that he can rent a three-bedroom apartment and when he finally got an apartment a few weeks ago, what did he call it? A" one bedroom studio". She goes there to pick up her son and it's a studio with a bed in the living room.

If you are willing to sacrifice a normal life to help raise a mentally challenged son, then you can make the sacrifice to relocate. This will be the first of many you will have to make.