Husband won't come near me

[qwertz]

So, to cut a long story short - I had a baby 8 weeks ago and since then my husband doesn't want any kind of intimacy with me or, if he does want it he really isn't showing me!

I've tried the sexy approach, the romantic approach and even the whoreish approach but nothing works he just tells me he is tired or not in the mood or not feeling well. All but one attempt has ended in rejection, and the one time we did have sex it felt like he was doing it to stop me hassling. Hell, even when he came home drunk (when he would usually be up for it) he didn't want it.

I'm not sure why he is like this, whether he possibly doesn't find me attractive physically anymore or- well I'm struggling to think of another reason... Isn't it usually the woman that turns down sex after a baby?!

I'm really not sure what to do? I've tried talking to him about it but he just says he is [insert relevant excuse] and that's all it is.

It's beginning to affect the whole relationship as to me sex isn't just about sex, it's about being intimate and close and a way of showing your love for one another.

[misombra]

Maybe he's worried about hurting you?

[HeartIsAching]

From a man's perspective:

Did he witness the birth? If so, was it his first time? It can be kind of freaky seeing something the size of a baby come out of your "fun place". It's also possible he's feeling like you couldn't possibly be healed up yet. Another possibility is that he's freaked out about the possibility of more children - are you taking adequate precautions?

[vashti]

Sorry to say, it isn't uncommon for men to have this problem after seeing a baby born. To be honest, after seeing myself, I almost don't blame them, and I know how dumb it is. It's going to take a while for them to forget what they've seen (assuming a vaginal birth).

Another possibility is that he sees you now as a mother (rather than a woman)... the Madonna/whore complex.

It's probably just a matter of time, but if this is going on in a few months, I'd probably seek professional help.

[KingZ]

Hey LL is that why you don't get online anymore?

Fu​cking kids, they ruin everything.

[Wakeup]

I agree with HIA and Vashti. If your breast feeding that could be another reason why he's not charged.

[IndiReloaded]

Just masturbate each other. Don't do full intercourse yet. Baby steps.

[smackie9]

Ya I have heard it from the new fathers at work, that their perspective has changed after seeing it come out...as one father telling a father to be say "Don't look dude! it will never be the same if you do."

[jeejee]

If he's watched that, he deserves everything he gets, but i suspect the real problem is he is barely touching the sides now. I remember when my ex had our first. It was like throwing a sausage down an alley.

[qwertz]

Thanks for the replies guys,

I had a vaginal birth but he stayed away from that 'end', although I guess it could be the reason, I did ask him if it was that and he said no its not because of that bit he couldn't give me a real reason.

Indi he won't even let me try and get him in the mood, he even turns down oral!

A part of me does think it is him not finding me attractive anymore (that's a natural feeling I guess?) but I have worked hard since having my baby and have age on my side so I think it is more a psychological thing than physical.

[qwertz]

From a man's perspective:

Did he witness the birth? If so, was it his first time? It can be kind of freaky seeing something the size of a baby come out of your "fun place". It's also possible he's feeling like you couldn't possibly be healed up yet. Another possibility is that he's freaked out about the possibility of more children - are you taking adequate precautions?

Yes we are so I don't think it is that- neither of us want any more kids for a long while at least. I've told him numerous times I'm fully healed!

[qwertz]

Hey LL is that why you don't get online anymore?

Fu​cking kids, they ruin everything.

Hey you yeh pretty much, life is pretty hectic right now!

[HeartIsAching]

If he's turning down even oral... Vashti's probably right - it might be the Madonna/Whore complex.

Which mean's that Indi's right too - give it a little time, if things haven't changed in a couple of months, it might be time to see somebody. It's sometimes difficult to not put someone we love on a pedestal.

[qwertz]

I agree with HIA and Vashti. If your breast feeding that could be another reason why he's not charged.

Nope, not breast feeding.

I think I'm gonna try and talk to him away from the bedroom with no emotions involved then maybe he will be able to give me a more honest answer without thinking he is going to hurt my feeling or feel pressured.

[IndiReloaded]

Do you have relatives who can watch your baby for an evening, or even a couple of hours, so you can go for a meal or a walk?