What would you do??

[Ziaba]

Hi,

I know I shouldn't do it but I have no other choice.
I completely lost my mind about this one girl.
I have visited on foreign country couple of weeks ago to have some biz meetings.
During my stay there I met one girl. I had one meeting with her, and on my last night during this trip I went for a party with her. Since there wasn't much to do during that evening I gave her a lift and I went back to my hotel.
Nothing happened and I was really not interested in her.
After I have returned to my office, couple of days later I started to think about her. I don't know why and I can not explain it.
We have exchange couple of email, but that was nothing special.
The distance between the cities we live in is about 600 miles (1000 km). We have the same nationality thought she lives abroad for about 9 years now and she speaks local language. There is a 3 years difference between us.
She is still studying but right now she wants to quit university and do something more interesting.

So I have planned my holidays there and in three weeks time (counting from that biz trip) I went back to that city. I was hoping to meet her again and to spend some time with her. On the first day we met but she had no time for me because she went shopping. She told me that her family from USA is coming and that she needs to hel her mom in preparing for that visit.
In order not to loose time I have planned couple of biz meetings cause there was no chance seeing her at least for 4-5 days. Unfortunately I went to a different city and I have lost an occasion of meeting her and her family on trip to one of the tourist resorts (they invited me but I was in Italy for 5 days for biz meetings).
During the (almost) three weeks of my holidays I have met her 3 times. The second time was on a small bbq party, where she offered me a meeting the next day.
During this bbq she talked a lot about herself and... and here she really confused me, about her ex-boyfriends and about the men she have met on the parties. About her ex, she did not talk about their relationships and how wonderful they were. It was more like.. "my ex visited South Africa" or I can really trust my ex.
We have met the next day and I have to say I have planned a really romantic evening. First we went to drink some wine and to talk. I brought her a very nice bouquet of flowers. Later we were to go for a party or to meet her friends (among them her ex).
After drinking a bit we were driving to the city centre and all of a sudden she wasn't feeling very well. I had to drive her home. She apologized and we said good night. No hugging, no kissing nothing! I was home at 11 o’clock
The next morning she send me a SMS saying thank you for nice evening and "I am sorry".

Even thought there is a big distance I would like to try to fight for her cause I am really hoping that it could work out.
I just don't know how to interpret the thing with talking about ex and about that last evening. I hope that she is not treating me as a friend who would listen to all her problems. Maybe she was trying to tell me attractive she is and how many men are interested in her.

If anyone of you could help I would be very grateful. Lately I can not think properly about that whole situation. Shall go an visit her or leave it as it is.

Thanks a lot!
Ciao,
Ted.

[Aeradalia]

It's a little difficult to interpret what you were trying to say... but I gather that she talked about past relationships in more of a positive light and wanted to spend time with you... and you're wanting to know if she's interested in you or not?

It's possible that she may have been trying to show how attractive she is by how many and what kinds of people she's been with... but usually that's not how women go about making themselves seem appealing. This tends to be a rather immature trait.

On the other hand, women rarely use this to even discourage other men as this just sends out the wrong message as well (they're easy). So once more, this seems to be a sign of immaturity.

She probably likes you and may be trying to impress you in a rather immature way... or she's too immature to realize what she's doing.

[Ziaba]

I know that what I wrote here is a bit messy. It does not show the whole story but since this is a forum it is not easy to descrbie everything.

I got the same impression that she is a bit immature. Not with relation to me but in what she is doing in her private life. She just quit uni after 2 years of studdying because she said it wasn't working for her and now she looks for some stupid courses... I don't know what to think but belive me she is old enought to realize that with her ambitions you need to go through University studies. Well this is maybe not good example but basing on what she was telling me I can say that she is "lost". She doesn't know which way to follow.

When I met her for the second time in my life, it was on the biz trip still not on holidays (back when I was not interested in her) I got this impression that she is really hitting on my. Well back then it ment nothing to me. I was on a biz trip with lots of problems in my head and just before a really have week at the office.

I think I will give up at this point since it will go nowhere. She lives far away from me and she doesn't know what she wants.

I think that myself, I am immature...

[Aeradalia]

Understanding enough to keep yourself from becoming involved in a situation that isn't good for you seems to be a very good sign of maturity.

* She doesn't know what she wants.
* She seems immature to you.
* No way to keep in contact often enough to sustain a relationship.

I think you have it pretty much figured out.

[Ziaba]

Yeah, but on the other hand I really feel something.... that special something.
Plus I think that even if someone is immature it doesn't have to be like that for the whole life.

Now you get the picture.... I am indecisive :-)

[Aeradalia]

The something you feel is infatuation... not love. In time, it will pass.

A person doesn't have to be immature for their whole life... but it's not your responsibility to have to make a person grow up either.

There is nothing wrong with wanting someone who is mature and has their life together.

[Ziaba]

Maybe you are right. But one thing that I can not explain to myself is why I started to feel something towards her couple of days after I went back from my biz trip.

I am sorry fro behaving like a complete psycho or looser, but this time I can not stop....

On one hand I am thinking, forget it this will lead nowhere, on the other hand I know that maybe it could work out.
I can relocate and look for sth different in the country.. bu I need to know that it is worht it.

[Aeradalia]

It'll be worth it if being with her helps you... however, if it's going to cause you problems... then you may want to follow your first thought that says forget it this will lead nowhere.

You don't really know her... so changing your plans at this point doesn't really make any sense.

[Ziaba]

Well. Let's start with well.

My intuition back before I went for holidays said, go for her!! Yes liked you and she might be interested in your person.

During my holidays (just after the last meeting - the 5th or 6th in my life with her) my intuition told me book another flight and go back home cause here we can not do anything. I wrote her an email before I left but she still didn't reply.
I've read somewhere on this forum about one guy's problem with a girl because she doesn't know how to express her feelings? Maybe that is also a point in my story.
Maybe she is to shy or too frightened to reveal her feelings.

[Aeradalia]

It's possible that she may be shy or can't express herself... but remember the other post was about a girlfriend, not a girl he was pursuing, so the guy knew enough to know that she does care. In your case, you don't know her and you have very few clues to how she feels. Chances are she may not really be interested in you, and you have an awful lot at stake --- you can't just rearrange all you prior engagements for a girl you're not even sure has interests in you. You're simply going to need more proof... or you'll have to accept that her lack of contacting you is a sign that she's just not that interested in you.

I just don't see her making much of an effort on her part to show interest... has she replied to your email yet?

[Ziaba]

Yeah I guess you are right.

She still did not reply to my mail.

I guess I am trying to tell myself that there is still a chance eventhough the evidence is clear...
But I can not imagine myself letting it go just like that.
I think that there might be a chance... I am telling you I know she was interested in my person the second time we have met. Well I f* it up cause back then I was completly not interested in her person.

[Aeradalia]

Then it might be best to just carry on... if you encounter her again and she shows interest... then go for it. But if not... then don't worry about it. There will be plenty of time for more opportunities... if not with her, then with others.

[Only-virgins]

The something you feel is infatuation... not love.

Who are you to say what someone else feels?

[Ziaba]

But you know how I feel right now. I can not think rationally right now.
I know that probably if I don't do anything right now I will never see her again. She lives far away and even if I will visit the city she lives in I won't have time to meet her.... I don't even know if she would like to meet me?
Maybe it would be a good idea to write her an e-mail saying that I will be in town and that it would be nice if we could meet?

[Aeradalia]

If it's convenient for you... sure. But don't go out of your way, remember she hasn't shown much interest at this point.

If she doesn't answer, then you're just going to have to assume that she's too busy to find the time to date... or she's not interested in you.

If she does answer the email and wants to meet with you... then give it a try.