Ladies, why is what YOU need more important than what WE need?

[Pectabyte]

Why is it that in order to have or maintain a relationship it has to be on your terms? What I mean is in order to get anywhere in a relationship, physically or emotionally, the woman has to be comfortable with it. If she isn't 100% comfortable the deal is usually off with NO mention of what the guy is comfortable with. Ladies why do you think what you want is more important than what we want?

[Aeradalia]

Been in a few relationships like that with some women... it isn't much fun. However, not all women are like that... so it's more likely that you've run into some who had the wrong idea about what a relationship requires...

[Pectabyte]

I've been in a relationship for the last year that if I want to go, do, watch or eat what she doesn't then I'm not respecting her if I "push" and then she starts to pull away and frankly even be mean.

[Aeradalia]

I've been in a relationship for the last year that if I want to go, do, watch or eat what she doesn't then I'm not respecting her if I "push" and then she starts to pull away and frankly even be mean.

This is not typical behavior for a 'woman'... rather this is more of a 'girl.' Just with males... you have 'men' and then you have 'boys.' Sounds like she's not all grown up with her mentality. Or heaven forbid... she's actually bought into the bs of manipulating men for her own benefit. I really hate that shit.

You can try to be more firm with her and remain consistent in that approach and hopefully she'll get the idea... or you may have to decide you've had enough of her games and leave.

[IndiReloaded]

Or, based on your other thread, she may just be reacting to your controlling behaviour by being passive-aggressive.

Sometimes, you get what you give. Or, sometimes, they are just immature, as Dalia implies.

I do take note, however, that you don't seem to accept *any* responsibility for your GF problems in any of your threads. That kind of tunnel-vision is often a sign of a self-centered personality.

Just saying that problems rarely occur in a vacuum.

[Pectabyte]

Or, based on your other thread, she may just be reacting to your controlling behaviour by being passive-aggressive.

Sometimes, you get what you give. Or, sometimes, they are just immature, as Dalia implies.

I do take note, however, that you don't seem to accept *any* responsibility for your GF problems in any of your threads. That kind of tunnel-vision is often a sign of a self-centered personality.

Just saying that problems rarely occur in a vacuum.

What do you mean by responsibility for her problems?

As far as the controlling behavior she seems to think I'm controlling her by putting my 2-cents into anything. I seem to be her scoffer(sp?) her fix-it guy, her dish washer and just about everything else. When we "compromise" she still seems to get her way. Lately shes been rather controlling over sex as well...

[IndiReloaded]

What do you mean by responsibility for her problems?

I mean that problems in a relationship are rarely only one person's 'fault'. Look to things you might be doing that are contributing to the issue.

When we "compromise" she still seems to get her way. Lately shes been rather controlling over sex as well...

There are two types of "compromise" in relationships:

1. You each 'take turns' getting what you want. Sometimes you 'win' and sometimes she 'wins'. So long as things aren't too unbalanced and the issue isn't too important, this can work for a lot of people. Especially if they are mature and realize that most arguments aren't really worth it.

2. You each negotiate until you find a compromise that you BOTH agree to 100%. Most ppl fall on their face with this one b/c they lack the communication skills for this. Or they give in before they really both come to a mutually acceptable agreement and become bitter about the solution.

Decide which of these will help you to solve your issues. I am assuming you are interested in fixing these problems and not just complaining. If that is the case, or you think your problems are insurmountable, then break up.

[Pectabyte]

1. Yeah I think I contributed to this problem by training her how to treat me.

2. She doesn't believe in compromises usually. She says "If I don't like something or don't wanna go somewhere you should respect that and drop it." Which include every topic from sex to where we go on a date to what we watch on TV and if I point out something I do for her that I'd love not to have to, like driving her everywhere, she says "Aren't I worth it? Why am I not worth that to you? Its rude to tell me what you do for me. I don't want to be with a guy who thinks its a chore."

[Pectabyte]

1. Yeah I think I contributed to this problem by training her how to treat me.

2. She doesn't believe in compromises usually. She says "If I don't like something or don't wanna go somewhere you should respect that and drop it." Which include every topic from sex to where we go on a date to what we watch on TV and if I point out something I do for her that I'd love not to have to, like driving her everywhere, she says "Aren't I worth it? Why am I not worth that to you? Its rude to tell me what you do for me. I don't want to be with a guy who thinks its a chore."

There is no equal in our relationship. There is her way and if I challenge her she says im trying to dominate her and has actually said "No one has ever treated me like this." In a negative way.

She didn't used to be like this. She wasn't like this when we were just friends.

FYI She is Persian. Could that be something to do with it?

[Sixpacj]

"Why is it that in order to have or maintain a relationship it has to be on your terms?"

It does not. It must not. She is shit-testing you to see if you will cave to her silly-ass demands, and turn out to be a pussy, or remain centered and put her in her place, i.e. be a "real man".

Next her. Plenty of mature, stable women around, you will be surprised. I sure was ;-)

[Pectabyte]

You saying she WANTS me to call BS?

[Sixpacj]

YES! But from a position of higher value, like you couldn't care less, you could take it or leave it...

[carl1222]

"Why is it that in order to have or maintain a relationship it has to be on your terms?"

It does not. It must not. She is shit-testing you to see if you will cave to her silly-ass demands, and turn out to be a pussy, or remain centered and put her in her place, i.e. be a "real man".

Next her. Plenty of mature, stable women around, you will be surprised. I sure was ;-)

This happens with unfortunate regularity. Whenever I detect this, I take the even higher road ... the one without her on it. I have no time or patience for a relationship with a childish brat.

Carl.

[Pectabyte]

I broke up with her last Friday. She was throwing a fit over something and said a bunch of screwed up stuff so it surprised the hell out of her when I showed up at her place, walked in, grabbing my things and left the key on the kitchen table right in front of her.

She wasn't always this immature or childish and I had hoped that if there was any likelihood of her snapping out of this this would be the time.

Today she calls me saying:
"I decided i'm done and don't want to be in a relationship."

I told her she was a little late considering I called it off then she got mad and hung up. She calls me back later crying saying she loves me and wants to meet. I ask her where would she like to meet and she gives a local half-way between out houses. I tell her if she has something she wants to talk about she can come to my house. She screams and says that i'm egotistical then tells me never to call her again.

I guess it solved itself... Hah

[carl1222]

I broke up with her last Friday. She was throwing a fit over something and said a bunch of screwed up stuff so it surprised the hell out of her when I showed up at her place, walked in, grabbing my things and left the key on the kitchen table right in front of her.

She wasn't always this immature or childish and I had hoped that if there was any likelihood of her snapping out of this this would be the time.

Today she calls me saying:
"I decided i'm done and don't want to be in a relationship."

I told her she was a little late considering I called it off then she got mad and hung up. She calls me back later crying saying she loves me and wants to meet. I ask her where would she like to meet and she gives a local half-way between out houses. I tell her if she has something she wants to talk about she can come to my house. She screams and says that i'm egotistical then tells me never to call her again.

I guess it solved itself... Hah

I am totally laughing at your post. How predictable is that? I especially liked the part about how she tried to break up with you and you told her it was too late! I really doubt that this is the last you will hear from her.

Carl.