My wife feels like a bitchy roomate that no one wants to be around. What should I do?

[cbadchris]

I have no where else to turn for advice. I am 35 and my wife is 28. I make a really good living and she makes very little yet lives like she makes what I do, and I live like what she makes. The resentment isbuilding up as whe refuses to try and make herself better. My income pays the mortgage, health insurance, car insurance, food and utilities. Hers pays for her car payment.

Also she has a very confrontational attitude. No one wants to be around her and it is isolating me. Which works in her favor as she wants me it that way.

Lastly we have sex once a month and she claims it hurts and is no longer enjoyable yet she will not let me try anything new. She is just disinterested. I am 35, but invery good shape, 5'11" 165lbs. I run, work out, surf, wakeboard, and more. I am in great shape. I have a bunch of friends that don't like the way she treats me.

After nine years I am miserable and resentful. Iwould love to be with someone that would have an adult conversation, and I could have fun with.

Iam at my wits end. I have no idea what to Do....

Please help!!!!!!!!!

[Cain]

Can it be worked out? If she won't try to change it seems like it's over. Don't waste your life on someone that won't try to change.

[Illusional]

tell her the truth and mean it. present your points and differences and be ready for a huge fight. on her defense, she is going to pull all kinds of shit out of her ass too.

however, find something that is a compromise if you still want to live with her.

raverboy

[Kromat]

If your miserable, talk to her about it, or just leave.

P.S. I gave Illusional 200 Thanks Woot! Woot!

[vashti]

Do you have kids?

[lesa]

I agree with Illusional. It seems to have gotten out of hand now to just have a nice discussion about it. You have no choice but to just tell her how she makes you feel and you can no longer tolerate it...that she needs to improve fast or....

[Steve2004]

i dont understand how someone can be tolerable and okay to live with before marriage..then turn into a beast after. is it just magic or was she like this before y'all got married?

[jinx343]

talk to her to set things straight.. ask her why is she being like that and tell her how it makes you feel... how these are affecting your relationship.. set compromises.. but if she'll still be the same, you have some deep thinking to do...

how long has she been like this anyway????

P.S. I gave Illusional 200 Thanks Woot! Woot!

[IndiReloaded]

They are married and these types of problems are common for couples together as long as they've been. Don't be so quick to trash their marriage, everyone.

OP: tell her, clearly & calmly what you want from her. Then listen to what she wants from you. Tell her you're prepared to discuss so long as she keeps it civil. Then go from there. Negotiate for what you want.

Or, if there are no children, you can try your hand at divorce & doing the whole thing all over again with someone else.

Good luck with that.

[Cain]

They are married and these types of problems are common for couples together as long as they've been. Don't be so quick to trash their marriage, everyone.

OP: tell her, clearly & calmly what you want from her. Then listen to what she wants from you. Tell her you're prepared to discuss so long as she keeps it civil. Then go from there. Negotiate for what you want.

Or, if there are no children, you can try your hand at divorce & doing the whole thing all over again with someone else.

Good luck with that.

He made it seem as if she is not open to change... it's how she's going to be and she doesn't wanna work on fixing it.

[IndiReloaded]

I agree with Illusional. It seems to have gotten out of hand now to just have a nice discussion about it. You have no choice but to just tell her how she makes you feel and you can no longer tolerate it...that she needs to improve fast or....

Ultimatums never work, Lesa. They widen the gap, not reduce it. He might as well just sail off if that's the tack he going to take.

[IndiReloaded]

He made it seem as if she is not open to change... it's how she's going to be and she doesn't wanna work on fixing it.

You believe that their problems are all one-sided after 10 years?

If she's not open, there's a reason why she's not listening. And I'd bet its not all to do with her. This is classic communication breakdown, is my guess. All us old married ppl go through it as some point, its caused by complacency. I don't know a couple yet that hasn't experienced this; it seems to be a rite of passage to producing the really longterm, stable marriages. In my opinion, its the reason for the 7 - 10 year divorce peak, most can't handle the transition. Divorces after that phase are much more rare (aha! hence 'sunset' prenupts gang!).

That, or he wants out, and is doing the 'backdoor arguing' thing (deliberate, unproductive arguing that increases frustration so that one partner finally gives up).

[Cain]

There's obviously some problems though... that is causing one or both of them to want out.

[jinx343]

i do believe that in every problem or argument, each side had contributed something to it....

[vashti]

I have a bunch of friends that don't like the way she treats me.

You mean to tell me you discuss the details of your private marital life with a bunch of your friends?

Kind of disloyal, don't you think? And obviously they aren't going to like the way she treats you if YOU are the one describing the problem. Her friends probably don't like the way you treat her, either. You need to quit gossiping with your friends, and seek some professional help (especially if you have kids, which I hope you don't).