Terrible terrible things.

[steve02]

I've been seeing a girl on and off for the last year and a half or so. We had what appeared to me, as a fairy tale-esque relationship up until recently of course.

We started dating officially on Valentines day of 2007. I really cared for her a lot, we would talk constantly, write each other letters, bought each other cute little things... it seemed healthy to me. The summer rolled around and I was having financial problems so my phone and internet were shut off, and I had no means of transportation to go see her so I would write her letters and such. She told me she wanted to break up because she wasn't sure what she wanted and she couldn't take us not being able to talk or see each other, which I understood. However I'd come to find out that she had been seeing someone else for about a month before she broke it off with me officially (which she did over a Myspace message, might I add. Classy, right?)

So I finally got my phone and internet back a few weeks after the whole episode with her and she started talking to me and said that her boyfriend didn't make her as happy as I did. I reluctantly took her back after she told me she made a big mistake and promised she really cared about me. (This was July of '07ish.) So we agreed to give it another shot, and again I thought things were going well for us.

A few weeks ago (late August of 08) she told me she was going on vacation, but before she left she said she was confused about us and wasn't sure what she wanted. We didn't get to talk much obviously as she was on vacation, but when she got home she broke up with me in text messages, saying she wasn't intending to see anyone else and that she just wasn't happy with me anymore. She had started acting noticeably different towards me, so I said hey maybe she's being honest.

Wrong. She has pictures of her and her boyfriend who she had essentially been cheating on me with for about three months up on the internet, and they were not a very pleasant surprise. I might even go as far as to say they made me queasy, really. It was as though their sole purpose for existence was to make me jealous.

Anyway, I just felt like a total ass for falling for the same thing twice. After she broke up with me and I found all this stuff out I just wanted to talk to her. I'd try texting her once a day just to say something like hey, etc. Wouldn't respond to that naturally, so I called her once or twice in the past few weeks that we'd been broke up. I honestly don't think I was doing anything obsessive. So I wrote her a letter to try to get my own form of closure since she clearly wasn't going to talk to me.

What I'm trying to say is this;
a) Am I going about this wrong? I think I deserve the truth. Is that terrible?

b) I have no interest in winning her back or anything, I just think I deserve to be treated like a human being who wasn't born last night.

c) I always treated her like a queen, and I didn't even argue with her about breaking up. What would be so terrible about just saying hey, I lied, I'm sorry?


Now I've told you my side of the story as accurately and as unbiased as I possibly could, of course I know there will be people who would want to know her side of the story, and I apologize about how long winded this post is but I just haven't been able to talk to anyone about it because I'm sure my friends would ridicule me and I don't have very much family I could run to. So please, anyone who could offer me any advice or words of wisdom it would be SO very appreciated.

Thank you,
Steve.

[Cain]

I can't stand when people don't have the courtesy to break up with someone in person. They constantly try to take the easy way out and I find it extremely ridiculous. She did it to you twice. My ex did it to me. Personally, I think she's going to do the same thing to her new guy that she did to you and when she's ready to break up with him, she might be ready to come back to you.

I hope you're not considering going back with her. She cheated on you for three months, so that should be an instant deal breaker. If she's not responding to you, you might want to just go with no contact. I know it's hard... trust me. But right now, contact will do no good.

[Yacker]

Yeah I agree she isn't going to contact you back and she basically does not have the "balls" to confront you about the situation at this point. Sounds like she is a very self centered selfish type of person. You would do better not talking to her about any of it and move on without the closure at this point. I would say there is a really good chance she will contact you someday so you can get those answers, but for now it's too soon and you just need to realize that and move on and stop trying to contact her.

[Cain]

Yeah I agree she isn't going to contact you back and she basically does not have the "balls" to confront you about the situation at this point. Sounds like she is a very self centered selfish type of person. You would do better not talking to her about any of it and move on without the closure at this point. I would say there is a really good chance she will contact you someday so you can get those answers, but for now it's too soon and you just need to realize that and move on and stop trying to contact her.

He may never get the closure that he wants.

I'm still searching for closure over my last relationship but I don't see it happening. Not now... not ever. The only way I think I'll ever get answers is if we got back together, because otherwise she will not reflect on the past. It might be the same in his situation.

[blackzj52]

man, i woulda trashed that bitch.
no offense by calling her a bitch.
but dam, im just not that accepting.

[littlewing]

You don't really need the truth, it is right in front of you she did it because she doesn't have a drop of respect towards you neither you should for her. Even if one day she would confront you and say "The truth" it would probably be a lie anyways. All you can do is walk away, it's not your gig anymore... tomorrow holds great surprises for you

[steve02]

Thank you for your posts guys. This isn't your fault, you guys have talked some sense into me, but I just can't help but feel like crap I guess. The last few relationships I've been in have ended in a manner like this and it just makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. I think the reason I want to talk to her is I just want to know what I did wrong so I can try to prevent it from happening in the future.

Not to say that I think it's all my fault, though I do recognize that there is potential that a good deal of her discontent could've come from something I didn't do or something I wasn't doing right.

Is it possible that maybe she is just a bad apple and doesn't really have a grasp on the fact that she can really hurt someone that loves her? Is she just a really selfish person? Did my insecurity over how he acted towards her when she first met him drive her into his arms?