I have no idea what to do about this and need advice fast!!!

[Irishgirl]

My boyfriend and I have been living together for a year now, just recently he took my world, and stirred it up as if it were a snow globe...now it's a mess!

Just to give you some background he and I are both previously married, he was with his ex wife from the time he was 18 to 28. Then after he and she split he met his ex gf, after a year and 1/2 together she left him. Her reasoning was that he didnt' seem happy with himself and she wanted him to get happy healthy and better so that they could have a future. SO she left him, moved out and he was devastated he couldn't eat, sleep, focus...nothing. Well three or four months after that he met me. We hit it off and he seemed to be doing alright, and we got serious. I asked him from the very beginning was he sure he didn't need more time, was he sure he was ready for a relationship. His answer was yes...we both worked for the same company and I was commuting 3 hours everyday to work. So after 3 months we decided to move intogether so i wouldn't have to be paying for storage, and tolls, not to mention the wear and tear on my car. Things were going great..we hit the 6 month mark and he started this bit of not being on his own, and needing to be, I went away for a few days and I took up some of my own hobbies, and things seemed to pan out.
Well that was in september of last year..things were great we have always gotten along..and there were many times he'd seem distant, and not wanting to be bothered. well recently it's been even more so. He advised me that he never wants to get married to anyone, nor does he ever want to have kids. Well that kind of struck me as odd because he had talked about marriage with me and i knew at one point he was even contimplating marrying his ex when she left him. So.....this past weekend he told me that he really needs to be on his own, to get happy.....mind you i've gotten rid of all of my furniture I had from my place becuase he assured me this was it...that there wouldn't be a need for me to ever need to get new furniture. So now i am like great I can't even move out to get my own place because I have no means of doing so. I was just recently laid off from my job, and now this. So i decided to write him a letter basically saying i was going to go away for a week two weeks whatever and give him some time to think about things...because once I am gone and move out that is it no second chances...i will not set myself up for such heartache again. Well it's day two of me being away from him, and I miss him so much. He seems to be going about his business like nothing is bothering him. He called me last night and i have yet to get be able to get ahold of him, he hastn' returned my calls, and is being rather short with me. I asked him last night if he wanted me to call him back and he said "I never said you couldn't call me" to me he is a priority and it seems as if I am not a priority to him. Is me just plain out leaving him alone for a week going to work...does anyone think that once someone in his spot realizes what it would be like to have me gone out of his life will he wake up and smell the coffee...i honestly think he is just scared because he knows I am not going to leave him..maybe he is testing me anyone have any honest supportive advice? I am torn over here and this is tearing me apart

[IceQueen]

If it's EVER going to work, you gotta quit calling him all the time. Or at all. And if HE calls, YOU should be short with HIM, not the other way around.

i honestly think he is just scared because he knows I am not going to leave him..maybe he is testing me

TESTING you? Testing you for what? Honestly, looks like he's just fed up with you and trying to get you to leave him alone. So DO it. If he wants you back, he wants you back, but he'll never want you back if you're in his face all the time. Be AS unavailable as possible -- it's your only chance.

[Ironliftr3]

I agree with Ice. Leave him alone, no calls, nothing. Hell, TELL him you're in the process of making other living arrangements and will soon be out of his hair (even if it's not true. It will add some realism that this isn't just a vacation for him).

I went through something similar, but from the other side. Because of a string of events which I'll leave out, I asked my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years, live in for 1 year, for some space, and requested she go stay with a friend. She was a CONSTANT bitch about it, hourly emails, said "I have no place to go, I'm coming home", accused me of cheating on her, and really just would NOT leave me alone. I honestly think if she had, things may have turned out different. As it is, I saw a side of her I'd never seen, and did NOT like, so she is now an ex-girlfriend. Moral of the story - he requested space, GIVE him space, X10. He may just come running back. There will be no sense of 'loss' if you're always there.

[sfalexi]

In my opinion you really should have been mor careful to begin with. For what it's worth, I think 3 months is WAY too short a time to be in a relationship and then move in with someone. ESPECIALLY since he hadn't known you beforehand.

Be more careful in the future (I say this because honestly, I don't see this relationship going that far. After leaving a ten year relationship, then being dumped after a year and a half it seems to me that he would NEED time alone. I think maybe he is your boyfriend because he is afraid of being alone. Then you moved in together and he didn't mind at the time, but now is realizing that maybe he is taking it too fast and this isn't what he should have done and may not be what he wants.)

But once again, for you, you really should guard yourself more carefully. 3 months of knowing someone again is WAY too soon to sell off your furniture, move in together and make such a commitment. At 3 months, the feelings are still knew and you have no real inkling of what you might feel about a long-term relationship.

ALEXI

PS - FYI, it doesn't sound like he is, but for other readers, beware of guys who keep pressuring you to move in with them soon after just meeting them and get rid of everything. This is very often a sign of an abusive boyfriend/husband. They usually pressure you early in the relationship when the feelings are new and you are thinking, "Wow. This guy's awesome." and often they pressure you to move and become dependant on them. Usually they ask you to move to a place far away from family and friends. This ESNURES that you are dependant on THEM and them alone. Then the abuse begins and they don't worry because at that point, you don't have many places to turn. It's a fact so just be careful all others.

[snoopy43]

You got yourself into quite a jam. For your own peace of mind, start making other arrangements to live somewhere else. You two need some time apart. You seem very dependent on each other emotionally and that's sometimes not a good thing. He sounds like a serial dater. And stop calling him.