10 years ago my wife reconnected with someone (male) she met in the Navy and knew for only 2 months. He came with his mother to meet us at a hotel lobby in DC when we were visiting. My wife assured me on several occasions they had only been friends. We were looking to move to a warmer climate and decided on a city where he lived. He was married and I will admit I didn't like the way I felt at times when we were around him watching my wife interact. We joined his church and my wife joined two organizations he belonged to. I became a reluctant friend. This guy moved a couple of years ago and I thought their interactions had stopped. When I asked my wife about him she would say she hadn't been in touch. In November my wife had a serious medical situation. She had her phone opened and while I was there she received a message from him in which he used the term sweetheart. This was upsetting to me. When she got home I asked and she told me that they had been lovers many years ago before I ever knew her. I was devastated. My first wife of 21 years became involved with a married man and when she wouldn't stop we divorced and this wife knew I had been betrayed. My wife and I decided our marriage is worth saving and she ceased communicating with this guy. My wife admitted she betrayed me and could not believe she had blinders on. She has expressed sorrow. I believe this situation was not physical.
My wife and I are seeing a Phd. Therapist who likes Jung therapy. Our communications and caring are at new levels. The therapist told me the old situation is over and to move on with it. Last session the subject was brought up and asked if I could accept him in our marriage. I said absolutely not since they both betrayed me. The therapist says I am reacting to old garbage. She told my wife that I do not trust her. She told me that I am playing victim. My wife has the right to chose her friends and not tell me about their past. Now my wife sees this as my problem with her having done nothing wrong. How do others feel about this? Thanks.