Need some advice please on crush.

[sweetmaryj]

Hello , I'm just writing on this to see if anyone can give me some advice and perharps share their experiences on this particular situation I have found myself bound by for the past month. Any comments would be very much appreciated, ill try not to ramble on too much .

So ill start by giving some information about myself as this will help to build the picture and hopefully be useful.
I am a 22 year old male, I have encompassed myself in an unhealthy enviroment for the past 4 years not caring about anyone but myself, unfortunately. Isolating myself withing the boundaries of my house only leaving to go to college, until I started to work about 6 weeks ago. I have stopped some unhealthy habits that had taken me over and am now left devastated at the way I have lived my life so far. I had only ever been in love once, this only lasted a couple of months at which point I asked the girl to never contact me again and left me hurting for years.
I have never really had feelings for girls apart from two, the one girl mentioned above and now the other that excuse me for my expression "has me by the baws".
For me it seems that I have no feelings for most but when I do they are very intense, turning down 99% of girls who have tried to get close to me.

So now after partly turning my life around I am left wanting to return to old habits, my friends aren't the sort to share there feelings, so I am on this trying to get advice on this pirculiar situation I have found myself in.
I am ready to explode as I have had enough of everything, I feel like going on a rampage.
I have never been short of women wanting me but have never really felt anything therefore have turned most down, raised by women I have a lot of respect for them and would not use them for sex.

I will struggle to put this into words and to explain is adequately.

Sorry anyway..... I started work, there was a girl there and to start with I felt nothing as usual but as a few week went on I realised how amazing she is, probably the prettiest and sweetest girl I have ever seen with my own eyes and now I have that horrible feeling in my stomach constantly, which I am trying to stop with alcohol to no prevail.
So I have been texting her but have found out she has a boyfriend , gutted. So selfishly, I continued the persuit ( I cannot understand why feelings like this can occur if it is not meant to be).

So I asked her out for a drink she agreed but would not agree on a date, she replies to texts but after me telling her I can't get her out of my head it is only ever short uninterested answers but when I ask her if I am bursting her head or if she wants me to stop texting she says no it's okay.
So she has basically told me she's flattered but she has a boyfriend and we are only friends.
So one drunken night I sent her a text basically telling her what I think and that her boyfriend is a lucky guy, which her boyfriend saw and caused a bit of trouble.
So me not wanting to upset her appologised to both but why had he seen that and not the others ?

Ill cut a long story short and get to what I am confused about, thanks if you are still reading.

I realise how disrespectful I have been to both of them, but I have tried to forget about her and its not working just getting worse, I tried meeting other girls but only think of her.
I never spoke to her thought I'd got a bit better worked with her then went crazy doing dangerous things the next few days devasted.
I don't know what to do, how to forget or how to act.
I have never been this confused in my life.
I'm certain that she likes me also.
Should I show my dominance and confront her boyfriend for threatening mue or is a apologising the correct thing to do, I feel like just getting rid of him but won't haha.
Haha so if your still reading you will know I'm a bit unstable but am seriously a nice guy :/ .
I respect women but not men as most including me are selfish and horrible the way they act.
Every so often I meet a pure women that melts my heart, so far only two.
I don't know what to say to you lot, how to explain or how to act. This is the first time ive ever been in this situation.
People will say I'm selfish, that I don't care and I should think of the love that they share and how her boyfriend would feel, put yourself in his shoes ect but how can you argue with feelings this strong. I believe you should act on love.
I've wrote this terribly and have struggled to cover everything and explain the situation properly but to be honest I do not know what to say. I'm confused and don't know what to do, I am struggling to just forget and to stop texting.
It is embarrassing, confusing, hurtful but I cannot speak about this to anyone. Everyone I know has says that I have changed a lot the past while and am starting to resort to alcohol.
How can I be feeling like this over a girl I barely know, it's tearing me apart.
I am in a corrupt emotional pit of which I want to escape but my soul does not, nothing I do helps.
What should I do, this behaviour is completely out of character for me, I know you romantics out there will not think much of me but again how can you ignore strong feelings.
In the words of waylon I've always been crazy but its kept me from going insane . Haha. That song applies to me so much it's me down to a t, so ill drink some more whiskey and ambitiously hope that someone is able to say something to help.
Thanks

[sweetmaryj]

Reading this I'm confusing myself, don't take everything here literally but try to build a picture I have struggled put this into writing.