I love him but I just dont know if he's the one anymore

[Madison_1990]

we are in our early 20's and We've been together for a year and half. neither of us have ever slept with anyone else. we talk about our married life all the time, how he's going to spoil our children and how we're going to rescue a dog, little things like that. He's incredibly patient with me and is my best friend but i honestly dont know if i want to marry him. he dropped out of college when he was younger and is just now starting to care about his life. he's not very smart and doesnt have much knowledge about anything but football... He can hardly even carry on a conversation with my parents. I guess what im trying to say is that he is amazingly sweet and loyal, the sex is good and the laughter comes easy and we have eachothers virginities but overall he's just not that interesting to me anymore, his idea of fun is golf or playing madden, mine is live country music and dancing, horseback riding and fishing all things that sometimes are no fun with him becuase he doesnt seem to be enjoying himself.

I now live with roomates i dislike, am absolutely hating my schooling and not being allowed to have pets where i live(I NEED soft furry things ), depressed with winter and stressing because i dont have a plan for life and all my old friends have moved away so I literally have no social life or friends besides my bf.

I'm wondering if the stress i've put on our relationship because of my unhappiness with life is making me have these thoughts or maybe he really is holding me back and i should go experince being young..

I'm terrified to be alone though and have absolutely no one to talk to or comfort me and I really dislike dating/sex and while i am curious as to what it would be like to go on a first date and have another first kiss, i REALLY dont want to sleep with someone else.



do i stay? do i go? do i ride it out till my life gets better and see if i feel differently?

[IndiReloaded]

You are outgrowing him. You need to focus on your own goals. If you find he doesn't fit with where you are going, its okay. This is part of growing up.

[zertaag]

The main problem that you are running into here (or so it seems) is that you lack common interests. During the dating game we never really seem to think those things through and then after the relationship has progressed we realize that we are totally different from our partners. Now I'm not saying that you two are complete opposites, you just have different interests, goals and priorities (I say that only because he dropped out of school while you are still attending classes). These things MATTER in long term relationships.

Did these negative feelings start before you became stressed and unhappy with your current living arrangements? I don't think that these things could really have that great of an impact on your relationship, but if these things started after the fact then maybe you're just taking your frustrations out on him. It happens.

I've gone through the same thing, and I have to say that when you start to lose interest it usually signifies that you are unhappy and that the relationship will probably not be your last. You obviously aren't entirely unhappy with the relationship, but you're noticing things about him that you do not like. Also, it's very easy to be tempted with other opportunities, especially when you haven't really gone through the whole dating routine with another person. I think that you really need to sit down and evaluate the things you dislike about him and realistically think whether or not you can deal with his idiosyncrasies. You said it yourself, you do not want to sleep with anyone else, so you really are into your boyfriend.

If you think that you can deal with his issues, bring up the things you don't like about him in a gentle way and keep at it. If these things start really annoying you and causing you to fight then I'm sorry, it's time to move in. MOST IMPORTANTLY, staying with him because you are afraid to be alone is wildly unfair to him.

[Madison_1990]

I'd like to add that I've brought a lot to his life. I've made it much better than what it was before I came along. He actually acts like an adult now and is thinking of his future instead of blowing his money on getting wasted every weekend and not caring about his health. He hasn't really brought much to my life, he hasnt made me better in any way. I've got wonderful memories with him though...

[IndiReloaded]

I'd like to add that I've brought a lot to his life. I've made it much better than what it was before I came along. He actually acts like an adult now and is thinking of his future instead of blowing his money on getting wasted every weekend and not caring about his health. He hasn't really brought much to my life, he hasnt made me better in any way.

Clearly. If had a bit more class you'd never make a post like this, even if it were true. Wait a minute tho, if it were true we would have to call you stupid for staying with such a loser for such a long time. And talking about marriage and your dogs and kids with him.

I see not all the problems here are his. You are looking for a Girlfriend of the Year medal, are you? In future, learn to be grateful for the time you spent together and end things with dignity. I am sure he gave you something in your time together, even if its a sense of fun which you seem to lack. God help your next BF, you sound very high maintenance.

[pisces25]

Break up with him. You are wanting something better. And he deserves someone that appreciates him for who he is.

[smackie9]

we are in our early 20's and We've been together for a year and half. neither of us have ever slept with anyone else. we talk about our married life all the time, how he's going to spoil our children and how we're going to rescue a dog, little things like that. He's incredibly patient with me and is my best friend but i honestly dont know if i want to marry him. he dropped out of college when he was younger and is just now starting to care about his life. he's not very smart and doesnt have much knowledge about anything but football... He can hardly even carry on a conversation with my parents. I guess what im trying to say is that he is amazingly sweet and loyal, the sex is good and the laughter comes easy and we have eachothers virginities but overall he's just not that interesting to me anymore, his idea of fun is golf or playing madden, mine is live country music and dancing, horseback riding and fishing all things that sometimes are no fun with him becuase he doesnt seem to be enjoying himself.

I now live with roomates i dislike, am absolutely hating my schooling and not being allowed to have pets where i live(I NEED soft furry things ), depressed with winter and stressing because i dont have a plan for life and all my old friends have moved away so I literally have no social life or friends besides my bf.

I'm wondering if the stress i've put on our relationship because of my unhappiness with life is making me have these thoughts or maybe he really is holding me back and i should go experince being young..

I'm terrified to be alone though and have absolutely no one to talk to or comfort me and I really dislike dating/sex and while i am curious as to what it would be like to go on a first date and have another first kiss, i REALLY dont want to sleep with someone else.



do i stay? do i go? do i ride it out till my life gets better and see if i feel differently?

You are realizing you don't have too much in common....having a lot in common is what keep a relationship together for the long haul. Everyone gets scared of being alone BUT the reason you are alone right now is because you don't have to make any effort because you have him. Now you can do two things, get off your ass and join a group or a club that stimulates your intellect, like a book club. Being with others who share your interest is what you might need to get you out of your slump. Or you can be single again, and stay single for awhile. Who says you have to focus on finding a BF, why not just enjoy being by yourself. That will push you to develop a better social life, make new friends and find new activities to fill you time.

[dem862]

A year and a half together is not that long really. Try spending ten years with somebody and then deciding it isn't what you wanted. Breakups get harder the longer you are together. You have outgrown your boyfriend, or he has failed to keep up. You might try getting involved in outside interests first. You could be putting too much of your entertainment responsibility on him. He might be feeling it too. Breakups suck. Dating sucks. But so does being in an unfulfilling relationship. You have to weigh the value to yourself. Either accept what you have, or you will have to make some changes. Try the easy changes first, before making the major ones. Start with yourself. It is much harder, if not impossible, to change someone else.

[sadie_genie]

You should surround yourself with people who are more motivated about life because those around you are extremely influential.

[smackie9]

You should surround yourself with people who are more motivated about life because those around you are extremely influential.

This statement is very true.

[distilled]

All I see from your posts is that you're afraid. Afraid of change. It just seems like you are still with him because you're "comfortable" around him. You're growing and looking for something more. I suggest you take the risk and make some changes in your life - even if it terrifies you.

[Madison_1990]

Clearly. If had a bit more class you'd never make a post like this, even if it were true. Wait a minute tho, if it were true we would have to call you stupid for staying with such a loser for such a long time. And talking about marriage and your dogs and kids with him.

I see not all the problems here are his. You are looking for a Girlfriend of the Year medal, are you? In future, learn to be grateful for the time you spent together and end things with dignity. I am sure he gave you something in your time together, even if its a sense of fun which you seem to lack. God help your next BF, you sound very high maintenance.

wow! I dont think attacking me or anyone who asks a question on this forum is the correct response...

I do greatly cherish all the fun we've had, all the laughs and the memories and thats why i'm hesitant to leave because when things are not stressfull, he generally makes me happy but lately im realizing that he hasnt really helped me grow as a person or looked out for my well being and isnt that what your supposed to do in a relationship? its surely what I do. I care greatly about his sucesses in life and as a person, he doesnt show much interest in these things with me and im just now realizing it.

[vashti]

he hasnt really helped me grow as a person or looked out for my well being

It's not his job to help you grow. That is up to you.

What do you mean "he doesn't look out for your well being"? Does he put you in harm's way?