Need advance on how to handle painful feelings from past event?

[Decentwoman]

Okay, first of all that is my first post on here and I want to use the case to say hi to everyone and also thanks to the people who will read and give their opinion and advice!

I am in my late twenties but I have not much experience in relationships, almost none as I have some fears of commitment I think or maybe I haven't met the right guy.

The situation is really complicated. I like a colleague of mine since almost two years. Long ago, I invited him out and he politely rejected, he was really scared, even he said he might be leaving the job but he did not. He was really afraid of me in the beginning and he would ignore me for no reasons and feel really embarrassed when I initiated talking with him or hanging out together or meeting him out of work and it was really weird all of it. At first I believed he was shy but then I realized he might have some social problems or communication problems with the opposite gender I don't know. He knew I liked him a lot. Once being drunk I told him and asked to kiss him. He kind of agreed but then it was all awkward. He asked me to pretend it did not happen and told people from work about it. I felt really humiliated because everyone knew and some made fun while most of the colleagues were really understandable. A big mistake has happened as a result. A guy I used to be friends with asked me out when he found out how I felt. Mistake has happened between us because I was depressed and emotionally vulnerable. It was just because I needed so badly to switch my mind to something else and what happened I still deeply regret. I explained to the second guy I do not want to be with him and he understood, he was interested into a friend of mine so I broke up with both of them as I just did a mistake and did not want to be on the way. I told the guy I like from work what I have done as I felt I betrayed our even not really a friendship. He accepted it saying we are still friends, but according to me we are not even friends. He knows I like him and he wants me to like him and he is ready to accept anything as long as I still like him and I find that wrong as he is scared and does not want to be with me as it looks like since all that long time. I was never able to talk to him about serious matters as he denies conversations and he does not want to and he does not reply to text messages either, only really occasionally. I can feel he likes me but in a very odd way. I tried to be normal and casual in work for months after all that but in one moment I could not anymore because it felt so hard. I told him every time I see him I feel angry at myself and at him because of past stories and it reminds me all what I have done and I should be ashamed and embarrassed and that he destroyed my life and that I know I have to try and be nice but I can't anymore and it feels really wrong. He got angry and he told me I was a bum head and slime. Then he said we are friends then he insulted me again and it was so immature and childish. I felt really bad and since that moment I feel unable to work with him, I feel really bad. He tries to talk to me as before but I feel really bad, I tried to apologize but did not work very well and it just felt bad and even he tries to make things as they used to which was not also good, but better, things get worse. It hurts me to know that we might end up ignoring each other and all that to finish in a stupid way, I know I have been immature and so was he but I just feel real hard feelings and I do not know how to handle and repair things at least a little. Of course I realize nothing will ever happen anymore but I do not want things to finish in such a bad and messed up way. Any advice will be appreciated.

[InYourFACE]

[QUOTE=Decentwoman;835352 A guy I used to be friends with asked me out when he found out how I felt. Mistake has happened between us because I was depressed and emotionally vulnerable. [/QUOTE]


I dont get that, mistake happens also between you and this freind you used to be freinds with???what happen?

and you know i ant say anything else that often its the guy that made the situation go wrong cause he was palying with
the girls heart. but in your case its like you where save from it all but you made your own bad movie and all.

Cause once a dude tel you he is not interested only one thing can happen of you keep force him: HE WILL USE OR ABUSE YOU , in some kind of way .
And you knew you can get drunk, so why drink? and why even ask for a kiss. while you knew he AGAIN wants into you not even to kiss you .
And what kind of girl goes around offers herself to men desperate everywhere.

You need to work very hard on your self esteem instead of looking for guys .
Cause otherwise they will use you and abuse you. cause you don't know how to put yourself lets say on a high price in the market. you act like a desperate ,low self esteemed slut, that don't wait for any guy but jump to them even thou they dont even like you or any kind of connection.

And you know that you are at work to work not to mess around with colleagues or customers and bosses and shit.
So you knew its is your own fault for trying to mess around at work.
You dont need to apologize to no one anymore.
You need to work on your self esteem and since you made your own problem,, you should own it.

Instead of acting like you are innocent. Like just get over it and act professional instead of emotional toward your colleagues. That makes it in any kind of way easier to work where ever you may work,

And never ever mess at work, not with colleagues, boss or managers and stuff.
keep business and private separate. Lesson learned the hard way!

[InYourFACE]

And if you really cant get out of it, change job. but learn a lesson. cause if you keep messing at work and forcing yourself unto colleagues r guys you will end up always in the same situation,

And maybe this guy is gay, or i think he really dont like you at all.

Cause in another story the dude would have fock you and then give you a really bad name at work that you would have
quite your job cause of shame.
So i think this was a warning for you to change your way of acting.

[Decentwoman]

Hi InYourFACE and please to excuse me but to me your opinion is some kind of almost absurd, I am really sorry to say that.

I am not offering myself to guys, either acting as a "slut" and I am 29 years old and I am still with no real physical experience, I do have some experiences but not really because I do believe I want to meet the right person and spend my life with. That guy who I like for almost three years, has invited me out with other people and has been really flirty with me in several situations that is why I thought and believed we can make it happen one day. Indeed, I agree I have made the wrong decisions and I played it all really wrong but it was because I had feelings for such a long time. I am very serious I believe and professional at work, I do stay and work long hours and for free on many occasions when it is busy and I am very determined and close to detail person and I have devoted long years of my life in education so I can not just accept to be labeled as messing up with my colleagues! Feelings is nothing to do with messing up and I have never wished anything like that. Another girl from work likes that guy and I do with open heart wish her the best with that guy I do really like because I believe that when two people are right for each other no one should stay on the way. I am not acting innocent and I am far away from it, the mistake that has happened between me and that other guy friend of mine was that we had some intimate contacts and it made me feel really bad about myself because of the whole situation with the guy from work, I just allowed it as I was feeling depressed. And I do not wish to know how to put myself right in the market for guys because when the right person comes he will like me even if I am childish and immature what I admit I am. I am looking for jobs indeed and want to change the job because what I do now is not related to what I studied and I need to find my right environment. I would never mess up with colleagues and besides I do not sleep with people around, I just have done mistakes a few times but in a period of 10 years I have been closer physically to three guys so I believe I am far away from being labeled as promiscuous or desperate.

I feel really weird from the way you see things but I believe I have no control on how people accept other stories and maybe I have done some mistakes on posting my so personal feelings into public as well. Anyway I do appreciate some points of your way of seeing things, I indeed have low self esteem and I need to work on it but I do not believe guys will use or abuse me because the guys are meet are nice guys even if they are not interested in me and I do not think I would use or abuse someone, neither the contrary.

Anyway once again thanks for your opinion.