help!!!! what a mess!!!

[ure_sweet_angel]

About 2 years ago I met my soon to be ex-husband. He was working, I was chaperoning some kids. I approached him and he asked if I wanted to see a movie after he got off, which was about half hour. So we saw the movie and went skating. All of which was free cause he hadn't a dime. And I was a bit turned off. I mean, a girl likes a guy to be able to treat her a bit. Or at least I do. Plus, as I got a better look at him, I saw his shirt was torn and stained, his hair mussed. He wasn't bad looking, but looked kind of poor. Dirty. Down on his luck. His personality was kind of quirky. Plus his job was obviously bad paying. He pushed buttons on rides as a little family entertainment center. And then he let me know-after I told the people I had been with that I was staying to go on this date-that he had no car. He told me he was embarrassed to tell me that he had to ride a bike to work. Then I learned he had a son....this date wasn't going my way. I tend to be a tad shallow and go for the men with cars, money, no attatchments, etc....But I told myself not to be so shallow. I mean, we had a blast. Laughed alot skating. Seemed to hit it off. I wasn't nervous talking to him. It was easy. He was even kind of cute in a way....So I had no pen to give him my number when he asked. So before I got into my ride's car, I sort of called out said number to him. He repeated it and said he was gonna go write it down and ran off. Well, two wks went by and no call. I was irritated. He'd asked for my number and so you think if he went through the trouble of doing that he'd at least call, right? So, I wanted to know what was up. Had I written it down...I wouldn't have done this. But I had shouted it out to him, so there was the chance he'd heard wrong/forgot. So, I went back to ask him to his face why he hadn't called. He sees me coming and gets this huge smile on his face, tells me he was so glad to see me, thought he'd not see me again. Said he tried calling me but had written the number down wrong. He even pulled it out of his wallet and showed he'd gotten it almost 100% right except for the last two numbers. Honest mistake, right? He just kept smiling and telling me I made his day. He then asked me out again for that weekend, and this time, about two days later, he called me. We seemed to hit it off. I told him I loved him first. But see I tend to say that without meaning it. And I think I was fine saying it half heartedly....until one day we're cuddled on his couch (well, the couched of the people he was staying with...he was too poor to have his own place. He wasn't even renting a room or roomating with buddies. He slept on the couch or on the floor of another family. Lame, right?) and he told me, very quietly we were alone, that he loved me. And I felt freaked out because I thought, "shit, what did I just do?" But I thought about it, and was able to move past that initial panicked feeling. I've never done that before any boyfirend I'd had before I dumped before I was ever able to get attatched/hurt. It seemed so sincere. We kept seeing each other through ups and downs. I was there when he had nothing but a flimsy arrangement to stay on that couch, and when those people took off and left him, I was there by his side until he found another place to stay on someone else's couch. When he had no car, hardly any money, and a bag with a few essentials in it. I mean he lived out of his bookbag. He was practically homesless. We married four months later. He asked me cause he thought I was pregnant. But asked if I wasn't, would I still marry him. It seemed like the possibility of a baby made us both think where this was going. So, I said yes, I could see myself with him. Our relationship felt so easy. Like we were meant to be kind of. We rarely fought. We loved being together (or so he made it seem) He was lame, poor, a pot head, but he was a sweet heart. He'd had a really rough upbringing, survived on the streets, loved his son, had his heart ripped out by a girl he'd been with for three years who'd basically been the town slut. Been on meth, but had worked hard to get off it and stay away from it. He was because of all this at a rough point, but he seemed determined to not stay there. Yes, like a sucker, I fell for it. He treated me like a princess most of the time. There were a few red flags. But most of it was good. He was gentle with me. Like I was the apple of his eye. He went to his pathetic job every day, rain or shine. Then he gets promoted there. I was proud of him, proud to be with him. He seemed like someone who knew what it was like to be on the bottom. Not some snobby rich whiny boy...kind of a diamond in the rough, if you will.
And then we married. Our wedding night he partied with his friends till past midnight. Then was so stoned/drunk he didnt even want to do anything with me. In fact, he turned his back to me and started snoring without even an I love you. Day after, he left me in our house, in a new city, alone, with no food while he went off to be with a friend who supposedly had gotten the snot beat out of him. Month and a half later, I caught him trying to cheat with an underage girl. But somehow I was still too in love to just get the sense to walk away form the mother ****er. Over the next yr and a half, I uncovered several lies, rumors that he'd been ****ing the people he'd been stayin g with while we date, then his friends started seeming in on it...several times they'd say things or give looks that seems to have double meanings, and I got the distinct sense they were covering his ass and helping him out. Turns out I was right. I get pregnant with his son, he begs me to stay when my fmaily leaves for NY (hes in GA) and I do out of committment. But those two months I stayed were full of neglect, abuse, lies, criticism. I was pregnant as hell and he wouldnt help me with our house. I worked in and out of the home. I'd have morning sickness and he wouldnt even hold my hair. Just sit in the living room while I got horribly sick in the bathroom. Bought nothing for our child at all. He didnt even break up with me. He was still claiming there was no other girl, no drugs save pot though I knew better, and he loved me. We'd be together, he'd be there when the baby was born for me, etc, etc, etc. He said he was just stressing about the new baby and needed to get some partying out of his system because baby was gonna change everything. To me it sounded like bull cuz i was the pregnant one and having to be the mature one, pay bills, etc. He was never home.
The weekend before I left, he asked if he could party till the sun came up cause he hadn't done that in forever (I later found out that was a lie-he partied through his work. He used the excuse he was, "working late" cause he was in maintenance.) I found out the day before said party he'd been trying to sell ice. I'd noticed a lot of money in his pocket that he wasn't being up fornt about. The following weekend he wanted to go camping with the guys. I asked to his face would there be girls and told him Id still let him go but I just wanted to know if there would be girls. He said no. So he went, and three days later I heard through the grapevine there were tons of girls camping with him in the woods. I started packing. He told me it was lies, "high school shit". I didnt leave that very night. But the next day came home to find my bed soaked on his side with sweat (as if someone had been having sex, not just sat down with a sweaty ass or something as if he was masturbating or something) He denied ever having gone up stairs, but admitted he had been home.

I know I should've left earlier but I felt I had to be committed to my wedding. I know I shouldnt be angry because its clear hes trash. But I'm dealing still with the emotions. Now there rumors hes enaged to one of the girls he was partying with and shes pregnant. And he let slip he had chlorophyl in our house. He hasnt called once for his son or sent even a pack of diapers....He didnt even break up with me. He's still claiming I abandoned him, he is innocent, his friends say he still loves me, etc, etc. I left cause I was scared.....

[ure_sweet_angel]

sorry...that message was a mess. I left about 6 months ago. I'm so sad though. He seemed like he had a good heart. Who looks you in the eyes, makes you think hes being faithful and loves you, and really hes got at least one other girl hes getting serious with? Did my happiness and life not matter? He tries to fool mine and his family, too. But my family isnt fooled like his. And people I didn't even know were helping him. Like his boss at work was providing him ways to call this girl, got her a job at his work so they could be together, etc, etc,etc....yet smiles at me when he saw me and acted so nice. His other friend came to me and wanted to be friends. Turns out she was letting her sister use her phone so I wouldnt suspect (he and her sister were also getting it on) And basically was helping him do that to me.

[DarkHelmet82]

Here is your issue: you are taking what he did personally. Nothing he did has any reflection on you.