broke up...rebound...then I wanna hide under the bed

[nightshades~]

well I dont know if I reached the bottom yet...I probably did because since ever I can remember I havnt been feeling good, been crying alot now two months ago I stopped crying but the feeling of badness is worse...I'm so tired, my face started to get acene , and look very exhausted and I have eating disorder problem now. ...honestly I'm just like a step from suciding/

Sometimes I feel if I smoke it might help me, but i'm not into risking my health yet. I always say to myself "you are strong...just one more day...one more day and everything will be ok"

I broke up from my online relationship of four years in novermber, since were horrible and I'm not about to repeat why it happened. at the new year I was talking to a guy from my area online, and then we met at the 9th of jan so basically it was a date..

Then I told him about my break up, he told me about his breakup and we started to talk daily , it turned out from dating to friendship I was seeing where its heading... sometimes he would hint that he loves me, and he talked to me daily...I needed some attention because seriously I'm broken...but then I started to get moody because he never told me he wants a relationship....so I started to become aggressive ...like suddenly I would stop answering him, then suddenly I would call him and apologize (big turn off for guys) ...

he bared with me alot, but then he started to call me childlish, and eventually he started to like me less and less, now I dont think he wanna call again and if he calls I'm not sure how to hold his phone anymore because I dont want his friendship..and I dont wanna seem needy and bleh..

at the same time, a very random guy from work loved me suddenly , and he is so much in love with me, that I dont know how to deal with him...when I see him I just wanna hide because it scares me out when someone random loves me that much.. Now my friend is nagging my head "give him a chance..give him a chance" ...but no one can understand that I'm not ready anymore for any relationship...not the rebound guy, not my ex, not the guy who is in one side love with me

I just wanna hide...too much random emotions...I'm getting so much into work and uni to forget but all what I'm feeling is more misreable.....I'm feeling worthless, psycho...and I just wanna go to work and hide under the desk so no one can see me.....I wanna turn off my mobile..throw it at the sea...I mean I just never felt like running away like that...and this feeling is close to sucidal to me..

I try to pray...I try to do good...lately I've been trying to be good..not to talk bad about people...not to hurt people but I'm just very exhausted..

just not sure anymore

[Gigabitch]

Wow, you're a mess. You need to get some help, and I am not kidding. You're dealing with too much at once.

[Lulu]

I felt like that after I broke up with my ex- but it does get better, slowly but surely. It is just a phase and "this too shall pass". Think of the good that you do have. Uni, work, you must be attractive if men randomly fall in love with you. Just take time outs to do nice things for yourself. Keep socializing with friends- force yourself to get out and have fun. That is what has helped me to get through that period of crappiness. I think most experience heartache like this at some point in their lives. It would be great to be the exception, but you aren't alone. Just take some time outs- read a book that gets your mind off of stuff and inspires you a little. Biographies are great for that- (currently reading Ted Kennedy's memoir- yeah, I'm a little political geek). They just make you see how others hit bottom, also, but seem to find their way back to the top, sometimes repeating the cycle a few times...if it is too unbearable and unshakable- maybe a physician and medication might be of assistance for a little while- doesn't have to be permanent. Just be careful not to begin self medicating- I see so..... many take that route and they end up far worse off in the long run that someone that slowly worked their way through it.