I have a girlfriend issue, big time, and I'm trying to figure out what to do and how to proceed with my life.
We've been together for almost six years. She has two kids, from two seperate marriages. The first one fell apart almost immediately and she was left alone to raise her kid. I kind of made the second one fall apart. She was abused physically by her ex.
We hit it off in every way, but one problem has been standing in the way and here's where I need your input and insight based on your experience.
She moved in with debt, but she still owned half the house she had moved out of. The loans for the house were under her name because the ex lost his job, stopped working, and started drinking.
I helped her out a lot, meaning I actually helped her pay her debt, restructure the loans, and at one point I even got myself in trouble.
Financially things got so difficult that I lost my savings, my car, and got myself into debt. Stupid you say? Well, not entirely. You see, there was a court case and she was supposed to get money for her part of the house. Problem is, that took six years. Court case is over, but the court gave her ex an additional six months to save up to pay her. He won't pay anyway, I know it.
Anyway, I basically decided to leave the country and move. I wanted to fix our finances and star things over. Things did not turn out as I'd expected. Anyway, I do work now and I send her money every week, more than a third of my salary.
Things were good relationship wise, sex has been good, but one thing just bothers me and I'm starting to see it a lot more now. She really does nothing for me.
Once I needed her to send me a CD. I knew she had very little money, but she didn't even try.
Next thing I wanted was for her to send me some clothes and other personal belongings. I now know that unless I push, she'll never send it. I just went out and bought what I needed myself. The reason is that I only took a carry-on with me when I left so I really didn't have much stuff.
I wanted us to meet, so a couple of months ago I bought her and her daughter plane tickets to come and visit me. She did bring me a sweater and a pair of pants, I admit.
Now, the job I have is pretty low-end. I'm working towards getting a better job, but it always seems like it's ME that has to do something to improve the situation. I do love her, but I am frankly getting sick of it. I feel like her monkey wrench. Kids aren't pulling their weight either and she's just too lenient with them.
I have really sacrificed a lot. I don't even talk to my parents anymore because they've said some really nasty things about her. In fact, I don't talk to most of my family now.
Now there are a couple of things that bother me.
There was a point when after I'd left and had trouble with finding work and then the job I found was horrible and I quit. I told her I might have to comeback and that it would be difficult but at least we'd be together. She started saying she was going to kill herself, seriously.
I was talking to her recently and asked her about vacation plans it seems like I will have to do all the planning (and obviously paying). The vacation would be nothing fancy, I'd just get a week off of work to go and visit her.
Generally the relationship is fine, but honestly I feel like I am being used.
My best friend told me that I should just stop sending money and see what happens then. I mean, she would tell me over the phone to ask my employer for a raise. She would do it in a nice way of course and make a kind of joke out of it, but still. She could also go and ask her employer for a raise, she could do everything possible to move to a much smaller apartment to pay less.
I would, but my employer is awesome, and I know that he's not even breaking even at this moment so it would just be wrong for me to ask for more. He's pretty generous as it is.
I really need your insight on this ladies, please help.
Oh, I have posted this on a male-dominated forum and got slaughtered for being a "beta" male and they all told me to run for the hills. I would like to save the relationship, but maybe you might see something I am not seeing.