I just realised I am unable to give real love, and why

[Person_123]

Being alone paralyses me. I was with a really great guy for 6 months, but he wasn't the right guy for me. Things were going wrong but I didn't have the courage to end it. I could see the potential in us, and wanted to keep going. I thought I loved him. But I also didn't want to be alone. And also, I loved the way he made me feel.

A boyfriend makes me feel better about myself, better than when I’m on my own, better than when I’m with my friends. Because of this, I feel like I’m an attention-seeker, and need guys to love me, because they learn to love me for ME, for my quirks.

I think I am unable to love anyone fully, because I am so insecure within myself, I don’t know how to GIVE it back. I only feel normal when I’m out of the house with a boyfriend. At first I thought that was real ‘love’ but now that I’ve had two boyfriends, and the same problems have occurred, it’s clearly a problem I have within myself.

And when I feel normal with a boyfriend, I feel I’m mentally stable, but all this time I’ve had a really unhealthy mentality: that only a boyfriend can make me the happiest. I feel an immense crush after break-ups, and literally feel depressed. And I don't know if it's because I miss them for THEM, or the way I feel in the relationship.

I believe I should stay single for a while, until I get this problem 'fixed', but I have no idea how to go about it. Now that I know what the problem is, I don't know how to tackle it.

[courtney90]

I believe you are insecure and that is the reason you feel this way! I have learned that you will never be able to fully love someone else until you love yourself! So love you! You have to have your body and mind for the rest of you life so find happiness within yourself first! Do you have any hobbies or anything that you just love to do? You really need to just find who you are as a person and just be happy with yourself! Forget about guys right now and focus on you! Guys love a confident girl and hate an insecure one.

[red_sparrow]

i'm the complete opposite.

i've lately been having little to no interest in my relationship. i've never felt an overwhelming 'love'.. just an appendage to my regular, academic endeavours.

[Person_123]

I believe you are insecure and that is the reason you feel this way! I have learned that you will never be able to fully love someone else until you love yourself! So love you! You have to have your body and mind for the rest of you life so find happiness within yourself first! Do you have any hobbies or anything that you just love to do? You really need to just find who you are as a person and just be happy with yourself! Forget about guys right now and focus on you! Guys love a confident girl and hate an insecure one.

Yeah, my ex fell in love with me for my personality, but it felt like a great betrayal when he broke up with me. He said he lost feelings over time because of the distance (which he can't handle). I was his first long distance relationship and I hate how he had to hurt me to find that out (that he can't handle long distance after all). Anyway, over time I got very obsessed and felt I needed his approval for everything. That's how I get with boyfriends, so I'm never fully 'happy' with friends, because I feel they don't know me as much. And then feel I need to share EVERYTHING with a boyfriend, so he can praise me. It's a terrible cycle I've realised I do. Hopefully I'll never do it again.

I should just realise when they like me, they like me for ME, and I don't need to 'impress' them any further. At the same time, I should have the courage to walk away if they are mistreating me (my ex was bad at long distance, so he stopped talking to me as much, over time, I got really paranoid and worried why).

[VincenzoG91]

Long distance relationships tend to fail anyway. At least they are easy to walk away from.

[Person_123]

Long distance relationships tend to fail anyway. At least they are easy to walk away from.

Thank you for your valuable input there.

[qwertz]

Long distance relationships tend to fail anyway. At least they are easy to walk away from.

I wouldnt say they are "easy" to walk away from. Maybe easier in terms of not living together or seeing each other daily, but they are definately not "easy" to walk away from.

[JoeyJR]

You remind me of my x gf. -_-

[HeartIsAching]

Yes, your insecurity will have a deleterious effect on your ability to love... and it'll make those you DO love wary of you, eventually tiring of your neediness and suspicion.