What to do???? Lost and confused

[CupcakeSmiles]

My Boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years, 3 years in March. We are both 24 years old, just out of college and live together in Boston. We moved to Boston from Michigan. We both went to college in Michigan, met at the end of our college days and immediately felt an instant spark. We have since moved in together, right after school (for about a year now).

Earlier in the first couple months we were dating (he was 21, both still in college), he kissed a fellow co worker, lied about it for a year, and I found out 6 months ago. Since then, we have had problems. I do not trust him as well. However, he has proved to be nothing but a faithful, loyal boyfriend and we have no issues living together. We have natural, indescribable , insane passion and chemistry. Which can also be bad.

So the past 6 months have been rocky with intense blowout fights. He is now presented with a new job and is going to move and he planned on taking me with ( I work internationally and nationally from home so I can move anywhere which is why he pursued this after knowing I can move as well).

All of the sudden this week after going to a Wedding he says "I'm sorry. I am not trying to be off. I was just thinking about us and what is going to happen. Its just another big decision again and I want to make sure we're making the right one. I want it to be a choice because you want to be with me and without a doubt can say you want me to be your husband eventually. I think we need to make a serious evaluation and not just move because it is convenient to be closer to home. You deserve to be the happiest woman in the world. we;ve been so unhappy the past 6 months I dont want this to continue. I want us to be together because we cannot imagine being apart not because we are just conveniently closer to home. You deserve the chance to see if you're better off without me. (He said this in tears)

That was yesterday, then today he said : I am just unsure about us and how we have been. I promise you, Sarah. I love you so much and I just don';t know what to do".

Now what do I do?!

[CupcakeSmiles]

What to do???? Lost and confused

My Boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years, 3 years in March. We are both 24 years old, just out of college and live together in Boston. We moved to Boston from Michigan. We both went to college in Michigan, met at the end of our college days and immediately felt an instant spark. We have since moved in together, right after school (for about a year now).

Earlier in the first couple months we were dating (he was 21, both still in college), he kissed a fellow co worker, lied about it for a year, and I found out 6 months ago. Since then, we have had problems. I do not trust him as well. However, he has proved to be nothing but a faithful, loyal boyfriend and we have no issues living together. We have natural, indescribable , insane passion and chemistry. Which can also be bad.

So the past 6 months have been rocky with intense blowout fights. He is now presented with a new job and is going to move and he planned on taking me with ( I work internationally and nationally from home so I can move anywhere which is why he pursued this after knowing I can move as well).

All of the sudden this week after going to a Wedding he says "I'm sorry. I am not trying to be off. I was just thinking about us and what is going to happen. Its just another big decision again and I want to make sure we're making the right one. I want it to be a choice because you want to be with me and without a doubt can say you want me to be your husband eventually. I think we need to make a serious evaluation and not just move because it is convenient to be closer to home. You deserve to be the happiest woman in the world. we;ve been so unhappy the past 6 months I dont want this to continue. I want us to be together because we cannot imagine being apart not because we are just conveniently closer to home. You deserve the chance to see if you're better off without me. (He said this in tears)

That was yesterday, then today he said : I am just unsure about us and how we have been. I promise you, Sarah. I love you so much and I just don';t know what to do".

Now what do I do?!

[Wakeup]

You can't resolve conflict by separation. If you have trouble communicating or resolving disagreements without blowing up then have you considered couples counceling to help you learn how to argue? If you love one another and you have "insane chemistry" then why would you even consider breaking up without first trying to fix what's in dis-repair?

[CupcakeSmiles]

No idea, maybe he doesn't feel that way, just as confused and feel questioned myself?

[CupcakeSmiles]

or maybe we just did too much damage and we ruined what we have. I am just so confused. I cannot read him.

[Wakeup]

Why don't you ask him the question i asked you? If, you want to stay with him that is.

You need to communicate with him. First though, you have to know what you want. Do you want to be with him or do you want to let him go and the two of you get to experience other men/woman and relationships? Once you know what you want then you can present it to him and see if he's on the same page or can get on that page if he's not already on it. If he's not on that page with you and he can't see himself ever getting there and wants to end it for sure.. then at least you can get on with life without each other.

It takes two people to make a relationship so don't try to figure out what he's on about while trying to make up your own mind too. Can you imagine being apart and how that being apart would be a negative in your life? Would it be a possitve in some ways? What weighs more, the pros or the cons of being together?

[romantic_guy]

I agree with Wakeup about the communication thing. You both CAN learn the principles of good communication. You both CAN learn new behavior. A good counselor can really help. I also have just finished a great book called "The Couple Checkup." It has a great chapter on communication as well as great advice on all relationship issues. It seems to me that your lack of "happiness" in the last few months is related to this. He can sense this. He might even be wondering if you guys could make it together. He wants you to be happy, but he doesn't know how to fix this issue (guys like to fox things and if they can't they take it personally). I think it says something about him: he is willing to do anything to make you "happy" even if it is letting you go. So start working on the communication issue. I think it would be a shame if you dissolved the relationship over something that can solved with a new pattern of behavior that you both can learn.

[Ms. Lonelyheart]

It sounds like he's doubting the stability of your relationship because it's been off-kilter lately. I think once you let this whole thing cool off and slip back into your old habits of how you were together before, things should be back to normal. Just like old friends . Sometimes you just have to cross some rocky roads.

[CupcakeSmiles]

Honestly, right now, since we have been fighting so much, the cons outweigh the pro's and I guess I can see why he is thinking the way he is. Our fighting has turned us into two different people and changed both of our personalities. Maybe we don't bring out the best in each other. The high's are definitely high and the low's are definitely low. I am not trying to "toot my own horn" either but.....I am very independent for my age, for only being 24 years old, I run my own business, make over $100K a year and look like Kim Kardashian's twin. I have a lot going for me so I am not scared to give him space...which is probably what I'll do. The worst part of it is his Mom is here (she is not aware this is going on) but I feel like he always "leaves me" when she is near...it's weird.

[CupcakeSmiles]

Thank you both, very good advice

[CupcakeSmiles]

You're right and I completely understand where you're coming from as well as where he is coming from. I just don't know what to do from here.

[CupcakeSmiles]

Anymore advice??????

[romantic_guy]

Just realize that it takes two. It seems like both of you have an issue with communication and if you don't learn a new pattern of behavior you will carry this right into any new relationship. So work on that issue regardless of what happens.