My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We get along very well and have so much fun but there is a big hole in our relationship when it comes to sex. He is just never interested!
For the better part of a year now, he hasn't instigated sex and if I initiate, he says no 90% of the time.
It has become an all consuming issue for me. I love sex and I want to have it, but more than that, it's an act of intimacy. I want to touch my boyfriend because I desire him and love him. I feel passionately towards him. I get no passion at all in return. I do get love and caring, but no chemistry or passion.
It is killing me. My self esteem is shot and I feel resentment for him now. I have brought it up so often and the fact he knows how much it means to me and how much I am suffering but choses not to engage or try to improve it, makes me sick of him in a way.
I have started talking to other men and even went out for drinks with a guy friend. I told myself that's all it was, but I know he was interested in more. He tried to kiss me and I refused but I wanted to badly. I kept looking at his body and thinking of all the things I'd do to him.
I think about other men all the time now, when before I never noticed anyone but my boyfriend. And then I feel excruciatingly guilty, because he is a good person and I know he would be so hurt if be knew what I thought about.
I feel like, for me, it's eaten away at the very fabric of our relationship. But for him, it's a total non issue and he can't understand the gravity of it. He just wonders what the big deal is.
How can I get him to understand how fundamental sex, intimacy and pleasure are to me and my happiness?
Honestly, I'm desperate at this point. I don't want this relationship to fall apart. I do love him whole heartedly but I really can't continue like this.