Deployed soldier seeking advice

[dnbmedic]

Hey ladies, looking for some relationship advice. I'm currently engaged to a woman that I love more than anything in the world. I'm currently deployed and were having some issues. We went from talking every chance we got, Skype, Facebook, for the 1st month to now all that to now she doesn't seem to wanna talk to me at all. She keeps telling me that she's busy with work and living her life. I understand where she's coming from but if like to have someone to talk to now and then. I haven't heard her voice in over a month, he stopped saying she loves me and when we do it's just meaningless small talk I get once a week or so. When I bring up our relationship she just stops talking. I don't even feel like we're dating anymore. I've thought about breaking up and trying to move on because i feel she might be hanging out with another guy, or something, but I know it's not gunna stop me from thinking about here all the time. I'm here for another 7 months and I just wanna do whatever it takes to keep us together long enough for me to come home and work things out. I know if we can get through this deployment I wanna spend the rest of my life with her. Things are amazing when were actually physically together, when I leave is when we seem to have issues. Any advice is appreciated, thank you

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It sucks, but yes she's seeing another guy, if not guys. Break up with her. You need to end it so you can focus on doing your job right and get back here in one piece. Just reread what you posted..does it sound like you're together or even friends? This relationship is already over. Put a bullet in it.

[Wakeup]

I think you should break up with her as well. You'll then be free to look after your own well being when it comes to partaking of the opposite sex that you're surrounded by and, most importantly, (as backup has said) you can concentrate on looking after your safety instead of worrying about what a flakey girl is doing back home.

You'll be okay. You have enough to do there to keep your mind off her and on you.

[pcmaster]

Month talking on skype dont make any sense. Bet you were too needy and talked every day. Like you said things were amazing when you was together. So do what worked before. For now give her a rest for few months until she contacts you. Dont contact her until than. Girls likes action but just talking is what will push her away especialy if you do it often and start first etc.

Like she said - shes busy. Be busy too and find something to do. You will be more interesting for her if you will have a life too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYEw-8ZPrT8&list=LLsx6isKCu4vxjq1nsEMHFlA

[lamobatsman]

[QUOTE=pcmaster;890242]Month talking on skype dont make any sense.

it does if hes deployed...

[pcmaster]

He had no choice but its too long for keeping relationship in this artifical way. She got fed up and distanced even more as a result.

[HeartIsAching]

He had no choice but its too long for keeping relationship in this artifical way. She got fed up and distanced even more as a result.

It shouldn't be if they're engaged. She's got to know that's part and parcel to being married to a soldier.

OP - yes, she's probably seeing other guys. Good thing you found out now that she's not capable of being a military wife.

[smackie9]

She is seeing a co-worker guaranteed and these things do happen. I have a feeling she has been having an emotional affair long before you were deployed. This has nothing to do with you being absent, this has to do with her wondering heart. I suspect she is using you being away as an opportunity to end your engagement to avoid confrontation. You just have to be very frank with her and discuss the details of how this is going to end.

[VerticalMoon]

Have you tried talking with other soldiers who are in long term relationships? Does the army offer any relationship support services? I'm just thinking others around you must be going through some of the same things and maybe they can offer you some advice or support.

I think if you want to get her talking about the relationship, you'll need to ask some direct questions that she can't avoid answering. Does she still want to be in this relationship? What is she wiling to offer to make it work? She should at least be able to answer you when you ask questions. You'll know she's not willing to communicate if she won't even do that. If she says she's busy living her life, point out to her that even though you're far away, you should still be part of that life. If she won't put in the effort, then it's not likely to work.

[stev123]

Hey ladies, looking for some relationship advice. I'm currently engaged to a woman that I love more than anything in the world. I'm currently deployed and were having some issues. We went from talking every chance we got, Skype, Facebook, for the 1st month to now all that to now she doesn't seem to wanna talk to me at all. She keeps telling me that she's busy with work and living her life. I understand where she's coming from but if like to have someone to talk to now and then. I haven't heard her voice in over a month, he stopped saying she loves me and when we do it's just meaningless small talk I get once a week or so. When I bring up our relationship she just stops talking. I don't even feel like we're dating anymore. I've thought about breaking up and trying to move on because i feel she might be hanging out with another guy, or something, but I know it's not gunna stop me from thinking about here all the time. I'm here for another 7 months and I just wanna do whatever it takes to keep us together long enough for me to come home and work things out. I know if we can get through this deployment I wanna spend the rest of my life with her. Things are amazing when were actually physically together, when I leave is when we seem to have issues. Any advice is appreciated, thank you

Red flag 1# not talking
Red flag 2# Busy
Red flag 3# not interested

Sorry bud, I can see you love her...and its a shame but, I'm gonna be 100% honest with you...dump her, shes cheating on you for sure, and if she knew you were a soldier, she would accept the fact you could go away for a long time. Just break up bud,
you're better being single than being with someone like that. It's gonna be hard but its the right thing.

[Rowen]

I'll be honest and say that I read your post wanting to believe there is still hope...but I'm sorry, I have to agree with the other posters because I was in a similar situation once... In my case, I wanted to believe there was still hope, but in the end, hanging onto hope only ended up hurting me more. That being said, I think it's best for you to let her go. I know it truly hurts, but take it day by day and remember that it will get better in time. The fact that she is being so withdrawn indicates she's already gone, so all there is left to do, I'm afraid, is take some time to heal after letting her go and wait for somebody new to come along who won't pull away.

On a completely unrelated note, please be careful out there... Your service is greatly appreciated.

[dnbmedic]

Thanks for the advice, I told her I was done. I still love her and miss her like crazy though. Sucks but it is what it is I guess. Anyways, thank you

[stev123]

just for some extra advice, don't contact her again, if she contacts you don't reply or don't respond with any emotion - she will try to trap you again by crying etc. its gonna be tough since you love her but believe me its not worth it buddy, remove all contact from this chick and move on.

[VerticalMoon]

Sorry to hear that. It did sound as though she wasn't interested in putting effort into the relationship though. You deserve better and will find brighter things in your future.