I want to get into my ex-girlfriend mind

[gotdumped]

I started dating my ex-girlfriend when I was 19 and she was 17 (and virgin).

She wasn't easily dating people (she kissed 15 men in all her life, and it took me 10 months to have sex with her... although there was foreplay within 2 months).

We dated for almost 6 years and she broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. I noticed she is VERY worried about me, she wants me to be good, etc. but she doesn't love me anymore.

I can understand what made this love fade. I wasn't being a good boyfriend (wasn't caring too much for her, complaining about a bunch of stuff, making few compliments, etc... in summary, I was pretty bitter and selfish). But I (we) never lied/cheated, so we still keep a great deal of respect for eachone.

She was very clear with me that she couldn't see we getting back together in a few weeks... but that we probably had a good chance of get together after the sores get cured.

I don't know if I can believe that or not, because she's VERY commited to make me feel good, even if she needs to lie about anything. But she emphasized a couple times that she think we really should move on.

Well... turns out I started to get suspicious that she was dating someone from her job (someone new there, that she met a couple days after we broke up... so he couldn't have influenced the broke up) and tried her. She fell for it and ended up admiting that she dated him ONCE because she was "fragile" due to the end of the relationship, feeling like crap because the things I've said (complains), and he was "saying beaultiful things", etc... you know how it is. She said she regreted it and told him they shouldn't get together now.

I can understand that (but I think it was too soon... about 2 weeks after). The problem is that I tried a little harder and found out that she actually dated him about 5 or 6 times. Always (from what she says) kind of a "goodnight kiss" after he gave her a ride to her house. But I don't try to fool myself; I know she didn't have sex or any real "make out" with him; but probably not a "goodnight kiss" all times.

After I made she admit that, she said she had just told him that she's not ready for dating at this time and they should get a little distance now (specially because she noticed that he was getting really involved... and she also doesn't want to hurt him). And she said she needs a time alone. I can believe that.

But I'm really confused what to believe or not. I really think he's a good guy (not someone just trying to take advantage of her), but I don't know what she's feeling; if she's really feeling nothing, just needed someone to make she feel better and say nice things (since I wasn't doing that).

I didn't get over this relationship. I still love her very much and I think we are perfect soulmates (nah, I don't really believe in "soulmates", I know I could be happy with other person, I won't die for her... but we get along very well and I really wish we could "try again" - not now, it would be impossible because I also got my sores now, specially considering they work together, see eachother everyday and so one).

She says I really should try to get over, get out (I don't go out very often) and not live "waiting for her", because she knows there's a chance of we coming back, but there's also a chance of that not happening.

I'm really tring to get on her mind now... trying to understand if there's anything I could do to "get her back" (again, not now... but to "set the scene" for making it happening later).

I'm also considering hacking into her computer to see her chat (I know, everybody will say I shouldn't do that... but the DOUBT is really killing me... I couldn't sleep/eat well for 2 days when I was suspicious she was dating him, until she admited. I'd prefer knowing everything then being in doubt. I'd prefer knowing that she LOVES this guy then have those doubts "does she really likes him? Is she telling me the true?" etc)

Well... I think I said enough. Any advices are trully appreciated.

thanks

PS: one more thing. What I'm really afraid is of she getting involved with someone. I really don't care (very much) is she kiss or even have sex with someone else (although it could be hard to get together later if it's someone she keeps seeing everyday). But I know that, if she gets involved with someone, we may never get together again, and I really wish we could try another time.

And another thing: I don't have many friends (even less single ones, living in the same city) to go out. I stay in home almost all the day (I have a company that I just need to supervise); so I'm pretty sure she's not afraid of my starting to like someone else. Should I pretend that I'm going out (even if I'm not inclined to do so at this "grief" moment)?

[Jas_mine]

Unfortunately she has made it very clear that it's over, that there's a possibility that you could re-kindle your relationship in the future but at the same time there's a possibility that this may not happen. You need to try and move on with your life, as difficult as it is and as much as it hurts. Stop obsessing about her, this hinders you from moving on. And forget about hacking into her computer - that is proper psycho not to mention a complete invasion of her privacy, and if she ever finds out then, well, you having kissed goodbye your chances of ever reuniting with her, she will most definitely want to have nothing to do with you ever again.

Rather than focusing on her, you need to focus on yourself - you say you don't have very many friends or much of a social life, this is the area you must concentrate on - maybe join a club or partake in a hobby, broaden your horizons, so that you can meet other people and make new acquaintances - this will help ease your loneliness and build your confidence. Expand your social circle - this should be your new goal.