Deciphering mixed signals

[Prodigal]

So, last night I went to a semi-formal dance our college held. Things were kind of on and off.. at a time I was not having much fun and almost gave up, but then things looked up.. way up. I danced with my friend's group on the dance floor for the last half hour of the dance, but my friend and I were basically just paying attention to each other... I assume this because we were very close but not touching, and she was facing towards me the whole time, not turned any way towards her friends or anything like that (even though they were still there). The last song was a slow song (the ballad 'All my Life' by K-Ci and Jojo), and so I asked her to dance. We did, and it was great... needless to say, this is one of the first times I have actually been assertive and took a risk.

The issue really does lie in the whole 'telling between friends and interest' thing. Sometimes she gives mixed signals; how can I tell if she's trying to give me subtle signs or if they are just friendly gestures or things that occur because we are good friends?

This is a note for Tone and any other regulars who might remember a thread of mine from months ago: this is the same girl from the beach party (giving me the mixed signals with the physical contact, etc).

[shh!]

Well, I'm not Tone, but I will give you my opinion:

If you are having such a hard time deciphering her meaning, you will probably just have to bite the bullet and ask. (It does sound like she has at least considered the possibility, based on what you have posted here.)

Try asking her this: "What would you say if I were to ask you out?"

Come on, Prodigal! Take a chance!

[King Zarathu]

i completely 100% agree with shh! you said it was one of your first times being assertive and taking a risk, i know exactly what you mean. really, you just need to ask yourself the question "what's the worst that can happen?"

[Lynx3]

Yeah, pretty much what everyone said. But usually mixed signals are different for every pereson. However, if she smiles when she talks to you, she definitely likes you.
Of course I've known girls who have had physical contact with me and gave hints(or so i thought) and did not actually like me that way. But look at the others, does she do the same to others? or only you?

[xwfuro]

yeah every person has a different personality so its really immpossible for anyone here to give you and answer on how to decipher signals. taking a chance is the only way we have all been in that situationn for the most part, but you can do it you have absolutely NOTHING to lose by doing so.

[Pears]

Yeah, pretty much what everyone said. But usually mixed signals are different for every pereson. However, if she smiles when she talks to you, she definitely likes you.

I smile at most people when I talk to them. Seeing a smile is not an indicator that someone likes you.

[shh!]

You are right, Pears - but Prodigal has had some other posts regarding this girl - it's been going on for quite some time now. Prodigal - you better just ask her in case she IS interested. She might get tired of waiting around for you to make your move, if that is indeed what she is doing. You don't want to live the rest of your life wondering "what if", do you?

[Lynx3]

Well, okay, maybe not definitely, but its a big factor. Some people are just cheery and smile at everyone. But if she only smiles when she talks to you, theres nothing funny or anything like that, just a regular smile for no reason, then she probably likes you. But in the end, I guess smiling is one of the things that is included in person's personality and is different for everyone. I just think its the biggest factor.

[Pears]

Prodigal, from your posts, I see that you are very smart and respectable. There is a very SMALL chance that you will mess up. If anything goes wrong, I wouldn't think it's because of what you did.

Don't be afraid of asking her directly. You took the risk to ask her to dance and it went well. Now take the next step.

[Tone]

Prod- I agree for the most part of what everyone is saying. And I'm going to tell you the same thing I did back at the beach.

I interperet those kind of "mixed signals" as "I'm interested in you, and giving you the green light to make a move on me." Afterall, if she was NOT giving you mixed signals, she'd either be your friend or your girlfriend, right?

I think she's waiting for you to man up and make a move. I'd try to plan more one on one hang out sessions... lunches, dinners, etc.

Off topic - but what ever happened to the girl you use to talk to ALLLL the time? Like you guys would walk around campus and talk, etc.

[clynn]

Ask her out on a date!

[Pears]

I think that since you've been friends with her for so long, highschool and college, you don't want to lose her. She's been showing those subtle signs all these years, but you could never really understand what she meant by them. Have you asked her about those signs?

My thoughts are that she does find you as a good friend or she is waiting for you to initiate. If she is more of an outgoing and straight forward person and she liked you from the beginning, I think she would have asked you out already. If she is more passive and shy, she may just be giving you hints for you to take some action.

What you have to think about is whether you are willing to risk losing her as a friend if you ask her out and she says no. Of course there is always the possiblity that she really likes you too and both she and you will be happy.

How much do you like her? Is your attraction for her strong enough for you to risk friendship?

Since you've posted many times about your situations with this same girl, I'm getting the vibe that you really do like her. If you really like her, you can't be afraid of taking risks.

Maybe you're putting the concept of relationships and friendships too high on a pedestal. That could be part of your fear of losing her. Don't worry too much about the consequences. If you keep thinking of all the bad things that could happen in the future, nothing good will happen now.

The people that are successful in this world are the people who take educated risks and more importantly, step outside their comfort zone. This is your chance to learn something good. Why not sooner than later?

[clynn]

Pears, that is excellent advice and very well worded.

[Off2College]

just ask her dood. if ur interested.

I did. we went out. Boring date. ice cold for the next 2 months. now gradually warming up. As friends I think. But whatever, at least i can live on knowing I tried, and she just wasn't the perfect one.