We had...THE TALK...

[Junket]

I decided to open up a new thread for this and let the "black heart thread" die as I feel this is deserving of it's own topic title.

I finally got to talk to Amy today after 2 weeks.

We almost hit 3 hours, that's a new record.

Anyway, as the regs know, my relationship with Amy has been a big ?

To tell the truth, it still kind of is.

But maybe not as big anymore.

For the second time, something I did...well in this case, somethin' I said ('cause we're on the phone) prompted Amy to "get down to business".

I had mentioned that I was looking to spending time alone with her down in New Orleans which I knew would be difficult.

"Alright Choi, let's just get this out of the way..."

My heart almost stopped in fear of what was to come. I couldn't help but assume the worst, I was waiting for "Choi, I just don't like you anymore and your hopes to be with me are crushed."

The overall summary of this discussion alone (which lasted about an hour in itself) was that Amy still and I quote "I still really really really like you.". And I her. However the question at hand was "can this be anything? is it worth persuing? we're such different people and that could have an adverse effect on us down the line." All of which are legitmate concerns. I may be a hopeless at heart, but I'm still quite capable of rational thought.

However, there's one thing I must acknowledge about an aspect of the "hopeless" mindset, and that is that if one can ever expect a relationship to work out, one must be enthusiastic about it, both must be enthusiastic, and both must work at it. I've learned how easy it is to pass up a good thing when you acknowledge all the reasons why should. I don't want to do that anymore. I considered all those options before I kissed her, I still consider all those options after I kissed her. Damn it, I'm gonna work as hard as I can to make this work as much as it can, as far as it can. 'Cause if I just let it go now I'm gonna regret it like a mother****er later and I can tell you that now.

If we both decide in a week, a month, a year that this is not for one of, or both of us, so be it. But I will not give up before hand.

She brought up the issue of "if you really looked at it, we don't really know eachother that well, in fact I'm more Christian than you probably think and I think there are things about me down the road that you might hate."

Possibly, but possibly not. How the hell am I gonna know unless I get there, hmm?

One of the "many" concerns she had, was the physical aspect of our relationship. "Now I'm not trying to stereotype you..."
"Buuuut you're going to, so just do it, I can take it."
"Right, but I'm going to so, I know 20 year old boys---"

Basically one of her concerns was I was in this whole thing just to get in her pants, because "that's just how 20 year olds are". I did not deny I was open to the idea, but my expectations from the start were never "alright, I'm gonna try to get in this girl's pants!"

Would I? If I could?

Probably.

Not without some serious consideration of course, of the consequences, but it's now been clarified that that's not something I'd ever have to worry about.

See, that little conversation alone, about physical forms of affection...I learned more about her...us...in that 10 minute topic than I did that past many 2 hour phone calls I've had since we've been away from eachother.

To tell the truth, I think that's what we need. We've both been so afraid to address the issue that we've been on hiatus for the past 2 months on what's goin' on with us.

I just wanna get to know this girl better. I like her alot. I stressed this during the conversation, and the feelings are mutual. Right now we're at "let's just see where this goes." But my opinion is, if we just "see how it goes" it ain't really gonna go anywhere. There's nothing convenient about this relationship that's for sure, but I am willing to commit to it if she is. I just think she's afraid to.

I wish I could just know y'know?

[King Zarathu]

Quick question before I give a full reply--you're 20, but how old is she?

[Junket]

Quick question before I give a full reply--you're 20, but how old is she?

24.

I know, I know.

But if she can overlook it, so can I.

[King Zarathu]

24.

I know, I know.

But if she can overlook it, so can I.

****ing yawn, dude.

It's not like we're talking about 14 and 10, this is 20 and 24. It's still a small gap, but you seem to be mature and intelligent (because I'm 16?)

Anyway, I don't think it's that much of a big deal. If I'm totally wrong, I don't think I'm in a position to type a respond of substantial size and emotion.

[dreamer101]

Hey man, I feel for you. I really do. And I totally agree with your attitude about regrets and I always say 'better loved than not'. because i have done that. and i have been burnt. but i have no regrets. i am not sure what would have been worse, but it is a choice i made and i would make it again in a heartbeat.

but remember one thing. there comes a point when you gotta just let it be. you can tell the other person that you are ready, that you are committed, that you are for real but if they are not 100% sure about it then there is nothing you can do to make them. You can only continue showing your sincerity and honesty. So don't expect her to have the same attitude as you do. BUT keep working through the issues and communicating. And the way I see it you are on the right track, just don't expect any fireworks as yet.

… There's nothing convenient about this relationship that's for sure, but I am willing to commit to it if she is. I just think she's afraid to.

I wish I could just know y'know?

No man, I beleive that lasting relationships are not made out of convenience, but out of love. So don't make yours conditional like that. Besides the feelings between you two are mutal. So what more do you want to know? To move forward I mean. Rome wasn't built in a day you know.

I know you didn't ask for advice, and its not because its way too deep for me, its just my thoughts and feelings shaped by my experiences.

[joe1234]

I too know the situation youre in...because i am currently in one oh so similar

[vashti]

The thing I am wondering is how this relationship is going to work out in the bigger picture. I mean, she CLEARLY likes you, and we know how you feel about her, but you guys live about 1000 miles apart. Are you guys going to actually SEE each other, and if so, how often? Yes, I know about Thanksgiving, but what about after that? You guys need time together to see if this can go anywhere.

This is the thing that had me worried.

Are you ultimately willing to relocate to check out the possibilities?

[Junket]

The thing I am wondering is how this relationship is going to work out in the bigger picture. I mean, she CLEARLY likes you, and we know how you feel about her, but you guys live about 1000 miles apart. Are you guys going to actually SEE each other, and if so, how often? Yes, I know about Thanksgiving, but what about after that? You guys need time together to see if this can go anywhere.

This is the thing that had me worried.

Are you ultimately willing to relocate to check out the possibilities?

Don't think I've overlooked that...I just haven't touched upon it, with you guys, or her.

I'm almost afraid to.

She tries so hard to be a "realist" that anything as extreme as relocation I feel like might make her think I'm out of my mind.

Probably because I am.

I really wouldn't mind trying to relocate and go to school if she was down with the idea.

Once again I stress that she is hesitant about doing anything so "extreme". I feel like she's willing to just "leave it to fate", and c'mon. I mean c'mon, that ain't gonna get us nowhere. In any case, I have a year still to finish up VISTA, and she at least 6 months (so...her current term is going to end in...January). First step would be waiting these terms out.

In the mean time, after this past discussion, I intend on discussing more us, than our seperate situations, and just see how that goes. Because like I had mentioned times before, we always talked as if we were just still team mates, "this is up with me, what's up with you? oh that's cool"

Last night was like the first time since our graduation from AmeriCorps that we discussed "us". Little progress as it was, it was more progress than we had that past 2 months. I intend on runnin' with this.

I would love nothing more than to go down there and spend time with her, which is one of the reasons why I almost quit VISTA and all my other current commitments, but that would not have been a smart risk to take.

I've already begun looking at other dates that I could take a break from VISTA and visit her. So long as I get my work done and continue to show my awesome work ethic, that shouldn't be too difficult.

I'm currently still working part time (under the table) with my old boss opening his gaming cafe, so that's extra cash in my pocket.

I could act like I know exactly what I'm gonna do, but I don't, because it's not completely up to me. I'll just have to continue talking to Ames, more so when I get down there for Thanksgiving and go from there...what more can I say?

[vashti]

Yeah, I think it would be good to see her in person several times by the end of this year of service (in addition to your phone calls). Maybe when you have a bit more invested in the two of you, you can bring up a possible solution to the distance issue.

In the meantime, do you guys have any sort of expectations of exclusivity?

[misombra]

ah frizzz. everything will be alright, okay?

[Junket]

Yeah, I think it would be good to see her in person several times by the end of this year of service (in addition to your phone calls). Maybe when you have a bit more invested in the two of you, you can bring up a possible solution to the distance issue.

In the meantime, do you guys have any sort of expectations of exclusivity?

No, as I've said before, we've never discussed us up until now, and that wasn't something we covered. I can't help but be exclusive, I'm simply not the type that is interested in spreadin' myself around y'know? I don't want to speak for her, but from what I've gathered from her and her past relationships (which isn't many) she doesn't see the "type" either but I'm glad you brought that up because it's probably best it something I look into. So much of the relationship so far has been guess work...

Believe me, I'm not takin' her for granted, I can't be the only one that sees what a special girl she is. Actually now that I think about it...I know I'm not the only one. But anyway, let's just say I haven't been too worried about it. I have other more pressing matters to worry about, afterall we haven't reached the point where our entire worlds revolve around eachother.