Moving out but staying together?

[HartinTexas]

My Boyfriend and I have been together since our last year of college. We decided to move in together 2 years ago and then decied to buy a house a year and a half ago. We put it in his name due to some credit issues of mine and was told that we would put the house in both of our names once we got married. We have now been together for 4 years this coming January. We also live with his brother who is 23 years old going on 18 years old. He is immature messy and ungrateful. He is still in college and has his buddies sweaty asses on my couch all day long. He only works from 2-6 and had 2 classes a week. I keep the fridge stocked and toilitries stocked all the time. I am just fed up with living in a frat house. I want nice things and I want them to stay nice. My boyfriend doesnt have the heart to stand up to his brother and to be honest is just as messy himself. I brought up the idea of engagement and was told by my boyfriend that "there is a checklist of things that i need to work on " before he would consider proposing... I'm very hurt by this! My only idea to fix this ongoing issue is to move out for a little while and let him see the advantages and disadvantages of living with and without me. I love him and i would love to move forwad with him but i can live like an animal anymore. I want my own space to clear my head , but i dont want to leave him. I want to take time for us like we used to when we were first dating. Acually make time for him and I not having me right there! one of his main concerns is finances. How is he going to afford this house now that im leaving. I think he should have worked harder on us to ensure that i wanted to stay around. He thinks me moving out will push us farther apart...I think me moving out will lessen my biching ! Please help...

[ChewyConor]

I think the tactic of bitching to try to get it into his head will not work and will only make him frustrated and annoyed. You need to sit down and seriously talk about things. Tell him clearly and outright that you're unhappy with the living situation and that something needs to change. He needs to know that you want progress. How long has his brother got left in college? If it's not long then you could just stick it out and make an arrangement that he has to get his own place when he leaves. Then knowing it's temporary would ease the stress.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You voiced your concern, and nothing's changed. I definitely think moving out is the right choice here. Make a checklist of your own, and tell him that you're not moving back in until his brother moves out and you're engaged. Distancing yourself is the right move, so you can start to see more clearly if he is what you really want.

[HartinTexas]

The only things i really "bitch" about is how disgusting we are living. I am an adult living in a frat house basically. his brother is starting his student teaching at the end of this semester and plans on leaving. That is why I feel bad about leaving my bf with this house but i am truly un happy. I don tknow if i want to move out cause of the living situation or inadvertently want to "move out" of the realtionship....ehhh. I hate that i feel guilty about all of this.

[Boisdevie]

Move out right now. But if he's a slob then he's unlikely to change.

[HartinTexas]

The thing is, your right. nothing has changed. And I am willing to accept him with is flaws because i love him unconditonally. Buy yes, I think some distance would do us good. The bad thing is , I have co-dependecy issues I know and I am petified to start over and be alone. But i know it is for the best. What do y'all think about breaking up as well. Do you think it would work if we stay together?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If you think it's worth salvaging, then I wouldn't suggest you break up with him just yet. Just tell him that you were taking the relationship too seriously, and now you just want to have fun together without worrying about marriage, but that also means you don't want to live together until you are thinking about taking the relationship significantly further.