reasons guys disappear

[Haley]

I'm going through hell. What are some reasons that men just disapear? Everything was fine. I was determined not to get serious but he did so i did. He seemed so perfect. Now my heart is broken.

[haxan]

Boredom/disinterest are the usual culprits. Sometimes people discover things about the other's personality or lifestyle that they didn't initially pay attention to or notice and that shuts them off. Usually the flame just burns out quick though.

[Ever After]

I'm no expert, but there are theories.

Haxan is basically right. Unless you do something horrible to him, it's going to be boredom. There seems to be something wrong with the attention spans of modern people, compared to those of our grandparents' generation. It just amazes me that some people are honestly surprised or feel the need to stray when things mellow out in their relationships...of course the 'flame' is going to die down! Seems like common sense, but it's surprisingly uncommon.

In the future, if I were you, I'd make sure not to go for the type of person who craves constant adventure and new stimuli. Go for somebody who's more comfortable with a routine and is actually looking to settle down. Avoid people who get bored easily. Go for people who exhibit great amounts of patience and who crave stability in everything. That'll make it much easier. Luck.

[haxan]

It just amazes me that some people are honestly surprised or feel the need to stray when things mellow out in their relationships...of course the 'flame' is going to die down! Seems like common sense, but it's surprisingly uncommon.

Things tend to get to a routine around 3-6 months, depending on how much time they spend together. By then people have finally seen all of the good and some or most of the bad. A lot of the time the other person just ends up being someone that they don't want anymore. I think the person who ends up being the one who's not wanted anymore tends to be confused and upset by it.

No harm in it, I think it's a part of the normal cycle of relationships. When you find the right one that you can be yourself around, be bored together and still have fun, that's when it evolves into a healthy LTR, imo.

[smackie9]

Guys will disappear when the ex wants them back or someone they have been pining for finally came through. Or someone came out of the wood work and says it's his kid......

[InYourFACE]

never make big decisions just cause someone ask you to do it.
you need to do things when you are ready for or believe it is the time .

and i guess you knew it was not a good choice from the start. but you kept it going.

[Haley]

Yep. I knew in my heart. He was good. I'm 33. Thought I'd seen it all. I usually keep control. I wanted so badly for this to be real.

[sadie_genie]

Maybe because he is a ninja.

[nytingale51]

Sometimes It's just so disappointing.... When we don't just let someone in because we're afraid we may get hurt. But when we decided that we want to give a chance to this particular person, they will suddenly disappear and leave you hanging...

__________

"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult." - Seneca

[Haley]

Ok. So i text him after a week and he responded. He said he was mad that i overreacted about a sudden huge 48 hr decline on communication. He came over and picked me up. Took me to his house and we cuddled. No sex. I told him that from the get go. It bothers me that there was so little explanation. He said he felt attacked and to go through the emotions alone. He says he was going to get in touch with me anyway this weekend. I can't help but wonder if that's true. It was so good at first I'm going to give him another but keep my guard up. I explained this to him. He understood. We'll see.

[boom43]

Lots of different reasons...

Sometimes they get scared - when things start to get serious, even if that's what they wanted, a lot of times guys begin to swing between feeling suffocated and feeling unwanted. When you start getting to close, they feel suffocated, but when you give them space they feel like you aren't as into it as they are. It's completely retarded, but it's a symptom of the male condition in today's society - they are constantly sent mixed messages about what makes a man a man, what they should want, etc.

Sometimes they just aren't that into you.

Sometimes they were into you but something changed.

Sometimes they meet someone else.

The reason they left isn't what matters - it's how you move on from it. Take a bit of time to consider if there were things you could have done differently, learn from that and use what you learned in your next relationship.. but don't dwell and don't make yourself feel like it's something wrong with YOU. They leave for their own reasons.

[smackie9]

Me personally.....I wouldn't put up with being treated that way.....I don't give a rat's ass if "he had to deal with it" on his own.....I'm not buying it....what a load. Girl you really need to listen to what your gut instinct is telling you, and not your heart.

[Ever After]

maybe because he is a ninja.

lol! .....

[Haley]

So we spent the night together last night. He brought me home. Said he was studying today. Needs some rest. Does not want to hang out . We have only slept together once. When he first went ghost it was after spending the night, no sex. I think it's a pattern.

[smackie9]

Obviously he is treating this as casual, not serious. End it. I dating someone sort of like this....I dumped his ass because I knew that it was just a part time thing for him.