Marriage falling apart out of nowhere

[Dorney]

Hi everyone,

I have a crisis happening in my life, I've already made my decision and have my own thoughts but currently have nobody to talk to and would just like to vent/get opinion.

Im 29 my wife is 27 and we've been inseperable since we met 5 years ago and we've been marrried 18 months. We've been through so much in that time, I had a blood cancer that required chemotherapy and radiotherapy, her dad has had a mental illness, we have travelled the world together, gotten married, bought a house. Through all that weve stuck together, I can count on one hand the amount of times we've argued, it was always me and her against the world.

I treat her like a princess, I've paid off £20k of her debt, I take her on holidays, I spend nearly all my free time with her and whilst I'm sure I'm not perfect, I've been the best husband I can be.

We just had a great christmas where we spoiled each other rotten, we have completed our house sale, resigned from our jobs and we were due to run away together travelling next month.

2 days ago I walked in on her emailing a guy she works with intimately detailing the sex acts they have been performing, her disrespecting me and arranging to meet him again. At that moment my life completely fell apart.

In less than 48 hours I've gone from being the happiest man on earth to at my lowest point, lower than cancer. We live with her parents since the house sale so I now have no job, no where to live and no wife. My plans for life were based on us and my world is shattered.

Shes offered no reason, has accepted no responsibility and despite telling me she wants to work at or marriage over facebook she has not called me or chased me or begged or apologised. To compound matters she is still in contact with him and even sent him a message apologising for what's happening! Covered in kisses and saying she hopes they can stay in touch.

Thoughts appreciated. I genuinely have no idea how we got here. I genuinely believed we were soul mates who would be together for ever. I'm destroyed because I didn't see this coming.

Thoughts?

[VincenzoG91]

For future reference, a relationship that averages just one argument a year is usually not a healthy relationship. It's more likely just two people stifling themselves just to avoid uncomfortable feelings.

Your wife's attitude is crap, and appears unlikely to change. In a way, that's good, because it removes all ambiguity from the situation. Your marriage is over. You need to quickly and efficiently wrap up all legal and monetary aspects of the inevitable divorce as quickly as possible. Get a decent attorney and don't fool yourself into thinking that giving her everything she wants will somehow win her back. She is gone, and her role in the marriage was a sham. Get the divorce and start the healing process as soon as you can. Forget about her, she's a ruthless monster and someday you will be glad that you got away from her.

[Dorney]

Thanks. The above is something I wrote yesterday and there's been a few developments since.

She has since apologised, and has decided to now blame herself entirely and has said she can't give me a reason for excuse because she did it out of selfishness, work boredom and because she could. She's making no excuses.

She also provided me her email address and password (although it was empty) and I managed to get gmail to restore ALL emails since the account was opened less than 10 days ago. Now I won't lie, the behaviour is shocking and what I read has scarred me for life and I can't see a way past it. However, it did happen once and once only. Also, from the second she was caught every email exchange with him is about how I'm too good for her, how she's let me down, how she's destroyed our relationship and how they're both losing the people they love.

Now these email are genuine, dating back over the last 10 days. All were deleted and restored by Gmails staff so they're not there to make a bridge. They show genuine remorse.

She's agreed to my demands for a divorce on the grounds of adultery and has also unequivically agreed (and signed) to me keeping every penny as she feels it's my money and she's in the wrong. The only thing she has asked for is her car, jewellery and possessions.

Thoughts now? Does that change anything for you?

[Wakeup]

Now these email are genuine, dating back over the last 10 days. All were deleted and restored by Gmails staff

Cool story bro. Can you explain how you managed to get them to restore?

You have a choice (if you're for real) You can go on your peter pan adventure with your infedele wife and forget what happened or, you can go alone or you can stay where you are and get another job and consider this the first day of the rest of your new life, or you can even stay here with your wife and forget what happened while you both get new jobs instead of blowing everything you have on your adventure.

Up to you because only you can decide what you can and cannot forget and forgive.


Not much else to say.

[smackie9]

Tip: never pay off a GF's debts or you will turn into a meal ticket. In fact if you come accross someone that has huge debt...keep on walking.

[smackie9]

My thoughts? Kick her skanky cheating ass to the curb where the rest of the garbage is.

[HeartIsAching]

However, it did happen once and once only.

You're fooling yourself.

Also, from the second she was caught every email exchange with him is about how I'm too good for her, how she's let me down, how she's destroyed our relationship and how they're both losing the people they love.

Still fooling yourself.

Now these email are genuine, dating back over the last 10 days. All were deleted and restored by Gmails staff so they're not there to make a bridge. They show genuine remorse.

Betcha anything there's another email address you know nothing about.

She's agreed to my demands for a divorce on the grounds of adultery and has also unequivically agreed (and signed) to me keeping every penny as she feels it's my money and she's in the wrong. The only thing she has asked for is her car, jewellery and possessions.

Thoughts now? Does that change anything for you?

Not a damn thing. You're well shut of her. She WILL do it again, should you stay.

[Starnique]

I sympathize with you but I feel like you should talk to her again and see what going on. If she said she cheated due to boredom, etc then maybe you need to question what you was doing wrong.

These past few days all my friends have turned on me because I slept with my friends Ex who she was in love with supposedly, I mean as if my happiness doesnt matter. People can be so selfish.

Best of luck.

[HeartIsAching]

I sympathize with you but I feel like you should talk to her again and see what going on. If she said she cheated due to boredom, etc then maybe you need to question what you was doing wrong.

****ing classic! She cheats, and it's his fault.

[Starnique]

Please. All Im saying is sometimes the situation has to be revaluated. Like my situation, my friend blames me instead of herself, its not my fault he doesnt want her back and now wants it with me. People stray for a reason. He needs to map out the details and she should at least get half in the divorce, since their staying at her parents or were.

[HeartIsAching]

You clearly blamed him. Whatever he did or did not do, she laid down and opened her legs for someone that wasn't her husband. That's hers, and she needs to own that. If things were bad and she didn't try to communicate that to him, didn't break up with him first, then she ****ed up.

It's nothing like your situation. Your situation doesn't involve a committed couple, or even two people that are a couple at all. All it involves really is a bit of insensitivity on your part. Apparently you weren't prepared for losing your friend, which indicates to me that you've likely got some empathy issues - but this isn't about you.

[Wakeup]

Am I the only one that finds this whole story fishy? I highly doubt the gmail would restore her email on His request. Even if they did, it would surely take more than 1 day for them to even respond to his request. No?

[smackie9]

With Hotmail you can to some extent, but I don't know about Gmail. You can file a report to Gmail saying your account has been compromised and your emails have been lost.... they may recover them for you.

[Dorney]

Am I the only one that finds this whole story fishy? I highly doubt the gmail would restore her email on His request. Even if they did, it would surely take more than 1 day for them to even respond to his request. No?

Are you kidding me? My life has just fallen apart and my story is fishy? Yes I come on the internet and troll. What an arsehole.

In gmail, when you're logged in, under help you can find a little link for mail that's missing. You then have a little communication box where you say what mail is missing and why (normally in event of a hack). I was logged in AS HER and filled that in and within 8 hours Gmail had restored every email. Here's the email they sent afterwards;

Hello,

We have processed your request to recover mail that may have been inappropriately purged from your Gmail account. Any previously deleted messages that we were able to recover will now be in your account in ‘All Mail.’ You can browse through ‘All Mail’ by clicking on the label on the left side navigation, or use search to locate specific messages:

To search all messages:
1. Sign in to Gmail, then click on the arrow to the right of the search box at the top of the screen.
2. Fill in the search fields with the details you remember confidently from the mail you believe is missing. If you're not certain about any field, leave it blank.
3. Click the blue magnifying glass icon
4. Look for a message in the search results displayed.

If the message(s) you are looking for are not in ‘All Mail’, they unfortunately are not recoverable.

Sincerely,

The Gmail Team

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Dorney, you're still a moron. Send all the incriminating emails to your account and go to a divorce attorney TODAY.