broken hearted and obsessing

[hotdawg78]

My grilfriend of two years broke up with me anout 6 weeks ago (Im 33 shes 22) Long story short when i met her id just come out of an 11 yr relationship 8 month earlier and wasnt quite ready to settle but loved her.I made a lot of mistakes i cant turn back and she had problems of her own. Basically our relationship was a mess and breaking up is probably for the best.

Wed broke up for a few months about a year ago and both slept with others, i could handle that but she couldnt. I then after we get back together i find out that one guy she slept with was as the result of a game and they do it in his car in her alleyway, on xmas day when im telling her i miss her dearly and love her more than id ever imagine i could and wish i was there with her on that day. This broke my heart as she made me wait a month for sex. I never thought she could be so easy. But i tried to accept it as it was me who broke up with her the first time and she was broken hearted. I couldnt really accept it though and became depressed, insecure and jealous. I got a bit angry too. She didnt say anything to try to console me about it really like it was a mistake and just a drunken fumble. She did say that it was the only time they done it in the few weeks thay were dating, but i dont know if i believe that.

A couple months later my phone breaks and i borrow her old one while mine gets repaired. I find that shed been texting another guy after her and her slutty new best friend have been kissing each each other to tease him. Texts about threesomes. I tell her the relationships over, she promises me nothing happened with his guy, and from the texts id didnt seem like anything had. I give hear another chance but say were not ready to move in together yet which i was planning on doing about then. Anyway we continue to have problems, we have a big row and thats it broken up. I say i want to sort it out so we see each other a few times, i even take to to get a puppy thinking itll be for us really, the next day she adds the guy on facebook who she sent the messages to and i lose it. She said shed done it to see how id react! I know its for the best that were not together but i do love her dearly and miss her loads. Cant stop crying. I feel like i should be settled down by now and dispite all the problems i was going to move in with her as a last chance of fixing things. I wanted her to be the mother to my children

I have a huge hunch shes already with another guy (not the guy she was messaging before) and because of what happened on xmas day and the texts to that guy i have the most horrible mental images going through my head of her and this guy having 3somes with her mate, doing alsorts of things she wouldnt to with me towards the end. I text her the other day just saying 'hi. Just wondering how you are? Hope all is good ' and she hasnt replied. I dont know if any of this is true, the 3some thing probably isnt but i really feel like shes seeing this guy and has been for a good few weeks now. I cant even get aroused at the moment im so depressed. It feels so unfair. I gave her everything when we got back together and shes destroyed me. When i met her i was the happiest and most confident id been. Now im an empty shell of a man. I feel a little better today but i still cant shake these images of her with this guy. I keep getting memories of me and her together and remembering exactly how i felt at that moment like it was just yesterday, just trivial things like shopping, going for walks, drives etc. Its driving me crazy. I really wanted us to work and shes just thrown all my efforts back in my face.

I know when im not feeling sorry for myself i can get girls pretty easy but the thought of being with anyone else at the moment just depresses me. I dont know how she can be with anyone else so soon. And i dont even know if she is!!! Its driving me mad!

[Krik]

This must be very hard for you. Sorry to hear what you are going through, it is never easy to lose a person you love dearly or to have to deal with images of her being with another man.

You are trying to deal with too many things at once in my opinion. Firstly, you are trying to deal with the fact that maybe she doesn't want to be with you any more. And then you are trying to wrestle with the feelings of her being with another man.

Our imagination can drive us crazy sometimes I know, but you have to try to stop those thoughts from creeping into your mind. Its not healthy.

You probably don't want to hear this now, but accepting the fact that her being with another man and having another sexual experience (if it is true -we don't know) does not devalue you in the slightest. You are still the same person you are.

The question to ask yourself is, what do you want from this situation?

- do you want to be with her? then do what you can to get her back and to try to work things out - if she doesn't want that - you need to break all contact with her - completely- and move on in your own time. It will be hard, but I promise it will get easier.

Remember she is young, only 22, so she may want to play the field a bit.. I don't know.

I hope this helps, good luck.

[hotdawg78]

I think too much has happened between us to get back together. I just wish i stayed in the night i met her. At the time my self confidence what at its peak and i felt i could get just about anyone. If id not met her id have got with someone else just as attrative but with less issues soon enough.

I wish i could wash off this feeling of darkness thats coming over me. Im worried. Ive had depressive episodes in the past and i dont want this to turn into one, but im feeling like it is. Im on anti depressants but with those and this break up my sex drive is at an all time low so i feel like i cant even go out and get with someone else to boost my confidence because nothing will happen, especially after a few drinks. If i look at porn i see her face on the girls or i imagine this is what shes doing. Im feeling like this, unable to do anything and all she has to do is open her legs.

I have been checking her fb very regularly, though im trying to force myself not to now. Were not friends anymore but i can see her profile pic comments and who shes been adding. All of them friends with this guy i suspect shes seeing, but i could be putting 2+2 together and getting 5. I think my hunch is right tho. I think i just need it confirming one way or another so i can settle my mind and move on. But then if i do find out i might get more depressed.

[hotdawg78]

sorry for all the spelling mistakes ive barely slept in days. Yeah shes young but she seemed to want to settle more than i did. She was always trying to get me to move in but i wanted to wait a while after getting back together, guess i was right to but i still feel sick to my stomache. Im sharing a house with two friends who are in the early days of love and so happy too. Its not helping me one little bit. They are part of the reason i messed things up first time i was with her. Wondering if the grass was greener. Well its not! Ive lost a beautifully maintained garden full of sunshine and flowers for a patch of soil covered in dog crap.

How do i stop focusing on her good parts and remember the bad? Shes slapped me, called me all the names under the sun, gone ballistic with me for no reason even got the police to get me out her house. Id not said a thing or even raised my voice! She even once threw her kitten at me!! Tried to control me, demean me, the list goes on. All i can think of is her showing her loving side to this new guy and being perfect for him, not the resentement she had for me.

[hotdawg78]

all her negative sides im blaming myself for because i loved myself more than i loved her when we met. It took us breaking up and nearly losing her to kick some sense into me. She never forgave me for breaking her heart though. Im so worried im going to regret losing her for the rest of my life.

[dfletcherhall]

Mine's the opposite; I've always loved HER much more than myself; I gave everything, and now she's gone I'm left with nothing - I'm trying to inch my way through the process of self recovery - every hour is a struggle. I have to see her tonight to swap stuff out, and it fills me with dread, knowing the little recovery I've made in the last week will now completely be broken down, and I have to start all over again. At least you have the insight to know that you are a confident guy with self-esteem - some of us don't even feel that yet.

[longhorn2005]

Dude, I know how you feel. My Gf of 5 mon ( I know it's not that long but I loved her, and till do) was texting another dude and soon added him on facebook. She's probably with him now..but who cares because she is going to most likely do the same to him, and the cycle continues. I confronted her on it, and she said he was just a friend..BS! I had to get a spine and I dropped her like a bad habit man. I know i deserve better, and so do you. Trust me, this girl is nothing special..you need to take her off this pedestal you have her on..she's not perfect. You will find someone who is right for you and will respect you. As far as the self-esteem and feeling like only half a man after is exactly what I felt. But, i hit the gym, and finally starting to look good again...I thought I would never get over her, but I'm meeting new girls now..hanging with friends, and returning back to the same old happy me before this wench entered my life. It takes some time man...you will get there..I promise