When is the right time to ask?

[damn2008]

Hey all,

I've been seeing this girl for about 3 weeks. Prior to that we first met and talked for 2 weeks. We really hit it off and really I feel can be something great together. She has been very vocal about falling for me and everything b/c I'm different from her previous b/fs (I don't treat her like $*** being a big one).

I am hesistant to enter an actual relationship and haven't put my whole heart into it because she still has a bizarre connection with her ex-. They talk every once in a while, she has picked him up and dropped him off after hes been to the bar and she has done some business for his parents, but things are apparantly very over between them. I am curious whether her ex's extended family even knows they are done.

The point is...when do you all think is the time to confront her about all of this? What would be a good approach? I cannot force a disconnection of her emotions and whatever for her ex- and his family but I want her to be very aware that we cannot be anything more if she doesn't. I'm not going to put my heart on the line here to get hurt later on.

[Cain]

If she has a close relationship or a business relationship with his parents then you can't expect her to just drop it. Some people remain friends with their ex as well. You can't dictate who she can hang out with. All you can do is tell her that you're uncomfortable and let her make the decision.

[carl1222]

I think Cain is right, but her contact with her ex and his family would not be my biggest concern if I were you.

I see this as the HUGE red flag: "I'm different from her previous b/fs (I don't treat her like $*** being a big one)." Now you may think that treating her nicely gives you an advantage ... not necessarily. Girls who repeatedly get into abusive relationships would usually love being in a relationship with a guy who treats them well, but often can't because of a defect in their attraction mechanism ... they just can't seem to lay off the bad boys.

I would want to know the following:

1) How many bad exes does she have?

2) If she has an ex who was a nice guy, why did they break up? Did she leave him to go with an ex or another bad guy?

3) Did/does her father abuse her mother?

These are the questions you should be asking her. Girls who seem to gravitate toward the bad guys are horrible risks as girlfreinds for a decent guy.

Carl.

[lesa]

Carl is right. When it comes to women who are involved in very poor relationships repeatedly, they are clueless when a good guy comes along. And she won't be a good girlfriend to these good guys.

[damn2008]

Thanks all for the responses. I appreciate it. She appears to be going through some tough times with her family and all and it is making me a little hesistant as well.

I see so much potential in us and we have spoken about it (her more so than me), but she recently has made no mention about it. Maybe I am expecting too much too soon but we had plans for this weekend that got sidelined (due to her work) and yet she still hasn't even bothered to ask or mention about seeing me. She has mentioned that things are "complicated" (regarding her family and a bunch of stuff in depth with that) but wanted to see where we will go.

Now whether other things are affecting her, she still calls frequently and wants to talk with me all the time...but I want more than some phone relationship (I will mention that we live 45 min-1 hr. away...not too bad..but can be tough during the week).

I think I'll plan for another date and we'll take it from there.