Should I leave him?

[Ranpha]

Hi all,

I'm a 21 female in my senior year of college. I come seeking some bit of advice on my relationship. I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now and I really do love him; he's a kind and caring person and I know he really loves me back.

Unfortunately, I've become increasingly aware that he is very seriously (for lack of better words) a lazy slob. He never wants to do anything but sit on his computer and play games all the time. When he's at work, he reads websites about his game and how to play it better. His boss has even called him on it, and gave him a warning to stop playing around at work but he still does it. He doesn't even iron his clothes for work, he takes so little pride in himself and just doesn't seem to care. When he's in school, he neglects to do his homework so he can play around more, and has failed several classes this way.

He NEVER cleans his apartment and it consistently grosses me out. I feel like he is incredibly immature for his age, and his life has no structure and he doesn't take care of any of his responsibilities. I've talked about this with him several times, and he completely agrees and always feels bad and ashamed when I bring it up, and promises to change it. I ask him if he is stressed, or depressed, or upset about anything (and if that is why he plays games so much) and he says that he isn't... he's just lazy. He hasn't changed at all and falls back into the same routine every time. I'm afraid that might be my own fault; I forgive him pretty fast, especially when he actually starts to break down into tears.

I don't feel like I'm getting everything I deserve out of our relationship. I work VERY hard to do things to show him I love him; I cook, I clean, I write a little love note, I bring him treats, and I always dress nice for him. We've talked about marriage and I was so sure about it, but now I feel like I want to tell him that I can't go on being with him if he's going to stay this way forever.

I feel like there is SO much that needs to be fixed here, and I'm not sure he's capable at all of changing. Is there some way to work this out? It would break my heart, but should I just leave him? I feel like I may be missing out on a really fantastic relationship. What should I do?

[Tone]

You should leave. He obviously doesn't take you seriously.

From the way you describe it, something catastrophic will have to happen to make him put down the game.

But you're absolutely right, you deserve better.

[okapa]

He needs help. Help from a professional... you can help him aswell but you should look at it like some sort of investment.

Is he worth it? Look at it like if it was some sort of drugs he's doing.

[Gigabitch]

There is something wrong with him on a deep and profound level. He sounds mentally ill.

Yes, you should leave.

[IndiReloaded]

He sounds immature & disinterested. Do you really want him as a Project? Imagine that he will be some variation of this in 20 years. Is that what you want? Are there other qualities about him that *more* than make up for what bothers you?

You are very young. Don't be afraid to move on & up. Treat yourself easier & don't discount the things that make you content (having a clean living enviroment & an engaged partner rates pretty highly for lots of ppl). Its not like you're married or have a child.

[cuddlemonster]

tell him how you truly feel. you will how much really cares about the relationship.

[splitsville]

Well I have to say I was kind of like him. It's something he has to straigten out himself. Maybe it will take a brakeup. Maybe he's just going through a phase. But it's something only he can change. He could be addicted to games, that does happen.

[TADA]

it's just a mental addiction to laziness and a quick way of reaching excitement (games)...no reason to quit him over this, it more then likely is just a phase like most guys go through...I went through mine as well.

[misombra]

dump him._______

[ExpoNovak]

Just because you leave doesn't mean you have to stay gone, but he has to believe you mean to stay gone in order to straighten his life out--and I wouldn't go back until the game is gone and he's a normal person again lest he fall back into his old routine. If he doesn't put it away and straighten out for you then...well...he isn't the guy for you. Cry your eyes out, throw darts at his picture, and move on.

Just out of curiousity, what game is he hooked on?

[splitsville]

Just out of curiousity, what game is he hooked on?

Probably Halo 3. I think that's ending alot of relationships right now.

[gartlas]

There are plenty of fish in the sea.Leave and find someone else,adding to exponovaks post is it an internet game or just something like medal of honour?

[Moonchild]

I kind of agree with ExpoNovak. It sounds like the only thing that'll get him straightened out is some sort of threat to the things he cares about most. And if you go with that idea and he just shrugs, then you weren't as important to him as the game to begin with. In that sort of situation, it's best to move on. I get the feeling that if he took the threat of losing you seriously, though, then he'd try a good bit more to change. Laziness is the most difficult thing to overcome, after all, because changing is "just so hard to do," or so I've been told. It takes effort to change laziness, and a guy can't be lazy with the effort. But one thing to ask yourself is whether you can live with something like this. Another game will come along one day, even if he gets over this one. If this is solved and you get married, he'll have that sense of security--and you wouldn't be able to threaten to leave him as easily as it might come now. So if he falls into the same hole again, is it something you'll be able to pull him out of? Will you be able to live with it if you can't? Those are very personal questions that we likely can't answer for you.