How do I persuade a girl to break up with her present boyfriend to be with me?

[nic.c]

So, i'm in this pretty messed up situation right now.

I fell for this girl who has a boyfriend right now.
The problem is,
I have been going out with her more often than she does with her boyfriend.
And just last week, she came upstate to stay with me for a week,
and we held hands, hugged and even kissed.
I need some advice on what I should and should not do in this kind of situations.

Well, she's pretty confused herself too,
and I think that's my advantage,
therefore, I need some strong advice on what I CAN and SHOULD say to her via text/call since we're pretty far away from each other right now.

I hope you guys can help me,
because I have no one else that I can rely on.

I won't let her go,
because I really do love her.
So please help me,
the more advice the merrier thanks!

[pisces25]

Do nothing. She has a BF. If she wants you she will break up with him and go to you. Simple.

[Wakeup]

How sad that you think a girl that would cheat on her boyfriend is someone that you'd be able to trust, particularily since she is far away and you'll have absolutely no idea what she is up to when you're not with her. It's quite hard to trust untrustworthy people, don't you agree?

... Can you Just imagine how you'll feel if she becomes attached to some other guy that she chats with over the internet and leaves you behind for him?

Do yourself a favor and tell her that this has gone beyond silly and you'll not have anything more to do with her until she is free to do it with you. You are silly enough to let yourself fall in love with someone who is not free to love you back without hinding you. That's sad, dude!

[nic.c]

Love is not something controllable, it's not something I want,
Her present boyfriend hasn't been there for her much.
He himself has been working and travelling a lot, while she's been pretty much left alone throughout.

That's why I think this is the best opportunity to win her over,
we can't just look at the fact she cheated,
I too have contributed into this cheating scheme.
I didn't choose to stop and kept going.

[surfhb]

Love is not something controllable, it's not something I want,
Her present boyfriend hasn't been there for her much.
He himself has been working and travelling a lot, while she's been pretty much left alone throughout.

That's why I think this is the best opportunity to win her over,
we can't just look at the fact she cheated,
I too have contributed into this cheating scheme.
I didn't choose to stop and kept going.

Huh? But you can control your actions based on circumstance....this is where maturity comes into play.....so work on that

[nic.c]

That's the problem, @surfhb,
I too want this relationship to work and hence, I too want to be her little so called "affair"
I was hoping for a more indirect way of giving her signals saying "It's time to break up with your boyfriend and be with me, cause I can give you way better and way more than what your boyfriend can give."

[Eddie Fews]

Has it ever occurred to you that there is a large possibility that because she already has a boyfriend and his sneaking behind his back to see you that she will repeat this same behavior with you?

It appears that you are taking whatever you can get instead of putting your foot down and only accepting what it is you want. If you want her to leave the boyfriend to be with you ( Which I would strongly advise you against) you need to make it clear to her that you will not be talking to her or interacting with her intimately in anyway unless she straightens up a makes a decision.

As of now she has the best of both worlds; she gets the attention from you and the attention from her boyfriend; and she can't respect you as a man fully because you are aware of her situation and still putting up with it.

I tell you like i tell all of my guys; there will be many women who you feel like are "special" that are going to come into your life; so you better be prepared to deal with the emotions that come along with it.

[nic.c]

@Eddie Fews, you made some points there.
And yes, there is a 50/50 chance that she will repeat the same thing if she were to be with me later on, but that's a risk I'm willing to take,
(Been through a few relationships, and 2 of them cheated on me.)

Problem is, I want her, I need her and I am trying to find a foolproof way of telling her that, I am the better guy, since her boyfriend is not there for her half the time,
she tried breaking up with him a few times, but apparently the boyfriend kept clinging onto her.

You know how it feels to finally find someone that makes you happy?
Cause I just did, and she's the one making me happy.
I know she will be breaking up with him, but I don't know when,
and she's really really confused right now,
that's why whoever makes the right move here wins,
and I have the higher hand,
and I don't want to make a silly little mistake,
that will make me regret.

[Wakeup]

You are dillusional. If she wanted you to be her boyfriend don't you think she would have broken up with this guy by now? You've given her many opportunity to choose you as the one she wants to be with (and the only one) but she chooses to keep to both of you. She plays you like a fool, unfortunatly.

She has some immaturity issues at best and some deep seated codependency issues at worse and you enabling her to stay with the other guy while she takes from you is You showing your own codependency issues.

You might want to ask yourself why all the women you've been with thus far in your young life have been cheaters. I'll give you a hint. It's because you are attracted to women who are not right for you.. that is why. Once you understand your own mess that you've gotten into (because at this point you don't see the mess you are in and so you continue on in it) then you will understand what everyone here has been trying to tell you.

You have NOT found someone that finally makes you happy. If she made you happy then you'd be satisfied to be her go to guy when the one she actually wants to be with isn't around.

If she's really, really confused right now then do the right thing and tell her that you want to be with her but you'll not be there to be second fiddle any longer and she knows where to find you when/if she ever breaks up with the guy she is currently choosing over you. Give her the opportunity to figure this out for herself wihout you interloping in on her and continuing to allow her to be confused. If she doesn't choose you then you know that you were indeed a bit of company when the other guy couldn't be with her. If she does come to you and dumps him.. well then you will at least have the opportunity to find out if she does indeed make you happy in a full time sense.

[nic.c]

@Wakeup thank you very much for your advice, in fact, thank you all for your advice. I'm guessing being frank with her is the only card I can play right now.
It's either him or me.