Logic, Emotions and getting over her (or not)

[Reeee7]

Hello friends,

I am new to this forum but I enjoy what I have been reading so far.
It's been a month since I've been dumped and every day is still insanely difficult for me.

I met a girl about 4 months ago, after I was helping her with getting to a leadership position at our campus.
We got to know each other, and one thing led to another and we became together.
Now she is really not the type I would usually go for. She is an all-american sorority girl, living by Sex and the City, Lady Gaga and Cosmo. Nevertheless, I was captivated by her and how attractive and cute she is.
Our honeymoon phase was fantastic, our chemistry was great, and the fact that we didn't really have that much in common and that my best friend who knew her pretty well told me I'm making a mistake by being with her didn't bother me.
I am 5 years older than her and she is extremely insecure and non-confrontational whereas I am the opposite, but again, I looked passed that because I liked her and wanted to be with her.
She kept telling me how I am everything she ever wanted, how I am so good to her and she wants me to be with her all the time.
One night, however, she was acting extremely childish during a party and I started having doubts about us. All of her faults started floating and I wasn't sure what to do. I was going through some tough times and she was gong through tough times too and for 2-3 days our connection wasn't as strong as it was before.
A day after, she said we need to talk. We went to our favorite spot, and I thought we will talk about both of us having difficult times and how we need to deal with it but she wanted to break up. I was shocked and devastated. She said that she is having difficult times and cared about me too much and was afraid to drag me down with her. I offered to take a break to organize our thoughts. During the break I tried to contact her but she hardly replied. It just wasn't there. After 2 days she said she wants to break up for good. I gave her a piece of my mind, saying that a couple should be there in good times and bad and its not only about the honeymoon but no use. I took it really hard, my heart was broken for the first time and I wasn't sure what to do with myself. Over the next few days she kept texting me how she misses me and had dreams about me until I told her to stop because I can't take it. Since then it's been hell.
I found out that a day after she broke up with me she already hooked up with someone else who also works with us (her and I overlap shifts for 10 minutes). The same person she kept complaining about. They have been hooking up ever since.
I couldn't get her out of my head. I felt like my heart weighs a ton. I stopped eating but started working out and was helped a lot by friends. I tried No Contact but then asked by her why I'm giving her cold shoulder.
I broke the NC and told her I feel like she hasn't been honest with me about the relationship and that it was a waste. I stand behind those words. I think she is not the right person for me and extremely immature but I still cannot get her out of my head. She is there wherever I go. Over the weekend I tried talking to her again, but all the feelings came back.
When I told her I might be leaving town she said "good thing we broke it off because I would have been heart broken..." I wasn't sure how to reply. I've been really cold to her and today I had to explain something to her at work but other than that not really talked to her as opposed to others. She late texted me "Soooo are we being children and not talking again?" I was upset and replied "what are you talking about?" to which she didn't respond.

She just cannot get out of my head, my emotions are beating my logic by a knock-out and I am miserable.
I hate it that I feel so bad and she doesn't. It upsets me so much...

Thanks for your help.

[Miharu]

This story sounds familiar. If possible, check to see if she was complaining about you behind your back during the honeymoon phase and also compare notes with any of her ex-boyfriends (if they are friends of yours) to see if she crafted a different facade for each to fall in love with before she dumped them at the height of their attention and interest. If that evidence is there along with the behavior you mentioned, you may want to read up on Histrionic Personality Disorder, keep up the NC and move on before the drama spins out of control.

[mrman256]

That's just women for you they do silly things. I take it you still want things to work out for you two? I don't know what to suggest other than finding some perspective. If you date some other girls you may find that you weren't missing out on much. On the other hand if you still like her enough after dating other girls then you will either have to bite the bullet and admit defeat or try and rebuild the relationship. On the latter I have no idea how you would do this.

[Gigabitch]

I broke the NC and told her I feel like she hasn't been honest with me about the relationship and that it was a waste. I stand behind those words. I think she is not the right person for me and extremely immature but I still cannot get her out of my head. She is there wherever I go. Over the weekend I tried talking to her again, but all the feelings came back.
When I told her I might be leaving town she said "good thing we broke it off because I would have been heart broken..." I wasn't sure how to reply. I've been really cold to her and today I had to explain something to her at work but other than that not really talked to her as opposed to others. She late texted me "Soooo are we being children and not talking again?" I was upset and replied "what are you talking about?" to which she didn't respond.

NC is there to protect you and you're not letting it do it's job. Stop bickering with her- just let it go. Let her go, let it fade. She dumped you and jumped on the next guy that walked by. What more do you need to make you want to avoid this person?

[soulsurvivor23]

My situation is similar to yours in a lot of ways. Trust me bro, no contact is the way to go. I have been using a no contact approach and it's been incredibly difficult, but getting easier. You might think talking to her is easier than not talking to her, but think of it this way. Is it easy to talk to her knowing she's hooking up with another guy? That pain alone should make you want to give her up completely. It does for me. Nothing is worse than the pain of knowing that the person you love is in the arms of someone else. So I suggest you make some moves for you, do you, and one day you will be able to love someone who is worthwhile.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, the on-again-off-again thing is going to really tear you up inside. Going from talking, to not talking, to bringing up the relationship to "not talking like children". It's reliving the fact that you want somebody that you had but do not have anymore. It will drive you insane. This is a crucial time to put on the NC and stick to it as the feelings fade. Running into her at work doesn't help clearly.

If you haven't already told her that this you need to be on your own because you aren't ready to have her in your life again, then you probably should. If she's not talking to you, that's one thing, but going back and forth on your word is just going to be confusing for her. Just like her going back and forth is confusing for you. Getting you on the right track to recovery is what you need for you right now.

I feel bad for you because finding somebody else for her at school and in the Greek system will be easy. It might not be the same quality or caliber as a person like you, as I imagine you are far more mature than the average guy her age, but the point of a rebound is to help put space and time between the relationship and the next one. She will have much more in common with somebody her age and much more of a similar schedule to play by. My ex is still at school and she had me replaced before we were dumped (my emotional actions after the break up helped seal the deal for them).

Not saying that it's impossible in the future, who knows what will happen. Right now it's probably not going to work until she has her priorities straight and want to be in something more serious than what you had. And it seems that she didn't care for you as much as you cared for her. That's a kicker.