How to get over being cheated on

[motleylou]

I will keep this short, i'm 24 y/o and was broken up with 6 weeks ago by my gf, we dated for 7 months and lived together for 1 month. We had plans for the future and all that. We had just come back from a romantic couples vacation when she went home she made out with an old crush that she hadn't seen in awhile. Then came back to my parents house and broke up with me 1 week later. I found out through a mutual friend what she did and she did eventually tell me.

I just don't understand how 1.) someone can do that when they were in a healthy relationship and said all the things like I love you, can't wait to get a place of our own, your the best thing in my life..... Then BAM go and make out with someone? And for myself this was the first time I've ever been cheated on and it happened to be from the the girl that I NEVER thought would do that and loved the most and saw a real future with. How do you ever trust a new partner again?

My ex seemed like such a genuine, nice and awesome girl and I never saw cheating as a part of her personality. How can I make sure that this doesn't happen again, because the pain of being cheated on is just too much. I can take a breakup like a man if we try and work on things but they just don't work out. But this last relationship has me wondering if I can trust someone again. It was just the way it happened too, move in together 4 weeks ago, come back from an intimate vacation and 2 days later she cheats on me. It's amazing how you think you really know someone. TIA for the replies.

[that one guy]

I think I've replied to one of your threads before and, like you, my ex cheated on me too. It's a definite pain that's not easy to overcome but I find it helps to, as what most people will say, occupy your time and mind. Find things to do. Stay busy. It's been nearly 3-4 weeks since my ex bailed from my parent's place but I've been coping the best I can. I got some closure recently but we haven't spoken beyond that. It won't be easy and you can take as much time as you need to heal. Don't ever allow people to stomp all over you and tell you to simply "get over it". Yes, cheating happens but everyone believes it will never happen to you. My ex swore up and down that she is faithful, communicates and expresses everything about the relationship with her partner. Then she does this. It hurts. It still hurts but I'm starting to mend. You will too. Know that you're not alone and I'm around if you need to talk. Stay strong, my friend.

[motleylou]

Thanks for the words of encouragement, ya like you my ex said that she would never cheat on me and always would say stuff like "if you ever cheat on me i'll kill you"(in a sarcastic way). Then she ends up being the one to go and cheat. I'm about 90% over her because of what she did to me,and how she was during the breakup. But I know it's going to be really hard to ever trust someone 100% again, I would of bet my house 6 weeks ago if someone asked me if she would cheat on me or not. I'm keeping busy and don't really have to many thoughts of her anymore. The problem now is that I want to get back into the dating scene but don't want to smother the poor girl if i'm insecure about her cheating on me too. I'm just hoping time does it's thing and I will find someone trust worthy. Stay strong too, as much as it sucks for both of us it's comforting to know that someone else is going through similar stuff.

[Windmillback]

Many of us make the mistake of thinking that cheating will not occur because the love that is there is strong enough. It is not love that prevents cheating from happening. We can be turned-on by a person in a moment and a certain circomstance and feel the urge to engage sexually, it does not mean that we don't love our steady partner. What prevents cheating from taking place is a personal moral commitment and decission to not do that to our partner. For now, you will hurt, and that is OK and you will get through it. Think that it is better that this happened to you now after 7-8 months and not after 3 years and after you married her.

[motleylou]

Thanks Windmillback for the insight, I just don't understand a cheaters mindset because I have never cheated or ended relationship because someone else came into the picture. There were times where I obviously thought another girl was good looking but never have thought about cheating on my gf at the time. And I tell myself that all the time that it's better now than later because if she can cheat on me after just moving in together and 2 days after a great couples vacation then it was only a matter of time. I guess it's just scary to think how someone else can do that, and almost show no remorse or not at the very least apologize. She did apologize for hurting me but never for the cheating part. The last week of our relationship and post break up to me was almost like a totally different person than the girl that I fell in love with during the first 7 months. Does that happen after a breakup people's maybe true colors start to show, because the girl that I knew wouldn't of done all the crap that she pulled at the very end?

[Dank]

Your right true colors do show after some time this has happened to me, went out with her for a year she assured me time after time and when i told my parents she droped the bomb shell i was amazed and shocked. she goes she will never do stuff like that ect ect..... but i'm not having non of that im going to have to stay strong.... also trusting someone else if this happens to loads of people and going through this again..... it's very difficult... only thing is not lose hope. stay strong there is someone always out their for you.